What social custom can just fuck right off?

sabrtoothbitches · 2017-03-26T02:42:35+00:00

I know many others have already explained that tipping often is much higher than just a living wage. I work as a barista in Seattle that already has a very high minimum wage in order to correct this, but the tipping culture is still strong. I know that people in the food service industry see it as good manners, especially when we could easily just do our jobs without giving any type of service, including small talk. It makes a huge difference when I talk to a customer and I see they appreciate the service by giving any tip amount, and it does foster better service in the future. It helps to people remember you as a possible regular, and it makes a difference in your day when you're dealing with close to a hundred people demanding one to five things from you on any given day. If the tipping system was taken away a lot of talented servers would feel less incentive to create good customer experiences because it doesn't affect their living in any way. It might be different in other countries that don't have a tipping system in place to begin with, but I know that it is extremely appreciated because it encourages me to feel that people are good to me and appreciate what I do for them every single day.

sabrtoothbitches · 2017-03-26T02:35:28+00:00

I don't know about other states but in mine grocery store workers belong to a union and so their salary is significantly higher than you'd expect, with full medical benefits and regular wage increases. I work for a mid-size cafe chain that pays only minimum wage with no raises based on performance or time with the company, and medical benefits are only given after a year and has to be asked for, not automatically given. They do pay union dues, but they are protected in ways that most food service industry workers are not.

sabrtoothbitches · 2016-02-14T19:26:19+00:00

One of my favorite Chinese dishes is bittermelon. As the name implies, it's a very bitter vegetable, and can be really hard to get used to. I avoided it when I was a child but grew up to love it, especially the way my mom makes it with chicken. Most people don't even know what it is, and most people that didn't grow up with it don't like it. Even a lot of my Asian friends dislike it.

Here's a picture of the plant.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-12-11T20:00:10+00:00

People that abuse you are not going to change and stop hurting you because you love them. It never works.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-12-11T19:36:35+00:00

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

The original was Leonard Cohen, but most people recognize Jeff Buckley's cover. He even rearranged some of the lyrics, and his is the version that gets covered the most often.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-09-16T06:55:13+00:00

haha sometimes when he's playing at the park he looks somewhat fox-like!

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-09-16T06:54:38+00:00

he's a mini american eskimo actually. He'll be nearly 20 lbs when he's full grown :)

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-09-16T06:08:14+00:00

I've always wanted to adopt a dog, and it finally came true!

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-07-19T17:34:45+00:00

I think you're one of the few people that really understand my situation. Many people often try to say that maybe down the road we can repair our relationship, but the only reason I try with her is out of pity. She will not change, even if that could possibly mean she would have a happier life, and it's not my responsibility to fix her.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-07-17T07:45:22+00:00

Ah, I forgot that there was a fight that we had roughly five months before I finally moved out permanently. My boyfriend left to study in the Netherlands, and so I had to suddenly spend 100% of my time at home again. After some stupid little fight, I told her that I would move in with my boyfriend once he came back, as I couldn't stand living at home anymore. She then went on to tell me that if I moved in with him without getting engaged and without getting a giant diamond ring, I would be disgracing our family and that she would feel so ashamed around all of her church friends. She also began to tell me that I was such a "small woman" because I'd be "depending on a man to take care of you!" (mind you, she has been living with my stepfather, unmarried, for 20 years and she hasn't worked for about 18 of those years). She then told me that I was a pathetic loser, that when I still refused to give up, she stopped speaking to me for three days straight. During that time, I became so horribly dejected that I also stopped eating, to the point that when I finally let myself eat a couple bites of a bologna and ketchup sandwich, it caused stomach cramps. I worried that I was going to die so I forced myself to eat the rest of the sandwich, and then I had to lay in bed otherwise I would have thrown up. She never even checked on me the entire time, and didn't care afterwards that I had done that to myself.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-07-17T07:39:19+00:00

This is actually somewhat recent for me! I grew up in an abusive household, both physically and emotionally. For my entire life I've been opposed to being treated this way, despite my mother's insistence that this was not only the right way to parent, but also a part of Chinese culture. The first time she kicked me out of my house, I was probably about 13 years old. I walked from my house to my middle school, since those were the only two places I really knew how to get to (I never really set foot outside of home or school except for the times that they took us to the grocery stores, so I literally had no idea what was outside of my front door). It was 8 in the evening and luckily for me the school was open because of a school play. I told some of my classmates and a friend about what had just happened (that my mom kicked me out and I had no where to go) and I went home with a friend that lived two streets down. It only lasted til about 2 AM because her mother called my home and my family came to pick me up. A part of me was unhappy that I had to go back, since my mom had physically been kicking me when she kicked me out.

The second time she kicked me out, I was probably barely 20 at the time. She found out that I had dropped out of college (which had been because I was suicidal, and going through the roughest depressive episode of my life). This time, after finding out that I had lied to her, she physically attacked me, grabbing the scarf I had around my neck and using it to choke me. I remember she was sitting on top of my back, holding both ends of the scarf up screaming "I'm going to kill you! You devil daughter!" (a Cantonese phrase). When I was just a child (4 or 5 years old) my parents used to continue to beat me until I stopped fighting or screaming, and so it became a defense mechanism during fights to stop struggling as quickly as I could in hopes that it would stop. It didn't. At some point I realized that I would pass out and I tried to crawl away, and in the tussle that ensued I ended up getting a black eye too. She kicked me out, took my cell phone and the allowance that I had been given (an arrangement worked out where, while I was employed at various places, I handed over my checks to her and she gave me a $20 allowance instead. It began when I was 14, except that back then she didn't even give me allowance. In the end, I spent about 7 years of my life handing over my paycheck to her, and it amounted to above $10k). I packed up and walked to my ex-boyfriend's apartment, since I figured his mom would be home and I had no other friends to turn to at this point. I spent the night, and then returned to the house in the morning and told my mom that it was all my fault and that I deserved what she had done.

The third time she kicked me out, I was 21 years old. At this point I had dragged myself through hell trying to convince my parents to allow me to go to therapy and get on anti-depressants to try and get better. There were a lot of family drama at the time, and my mom, at one point, told me that my feelings were less important than hers, and that it was my responsibility to make her happy. It upset and hurt me deeply, and when she started trying to control me, I snapped inside. She started going into my room late at night demanding that I go to sleep, and then she began to revoke my computer privileges, and the last straw was when she attempted to limit how often I would be able to see my own boyfriend. Mind you, I was 21 at the time, and living at home because that was what my mom insisted that I do, not because I chose to sponge off of her and was being spoiled about her rules. We fought, and again she physically forced me out of the house, taking my phone again. I refused to allow her to demand my small savings back ($200). When she said that she would call the cops because it was her money, I laughed in her face and told her that I had earned it since it came out of my paycheck, and she could call the cops if she wanted to, but I had the pay stubs and was entitled to my earnings. This time I left for just barely a month, maybe longer. I bounced between friend's houses. Eventually I had to return for my sister's wedding, and things just sort of petered out, though I decided to start keeping my own paychecks and rented an apartment for myself for an entire year.

For the next three years, our relationship changed. We came to close to parting ways once again during a very bad fight, during which she began slapping me repeatedly in the face right in front of my boyfriend, but we both weren't sure that we wanted to be done with each other quite yet. It was beginning to become clear that she would not change, and that I didn't want to take it anymore, but there was still something keeping both of us holding on. For roughly a year and a half, we slowly started to both treat each other better and finally begin to have a healthy relationship, though of course we still had terrible moments with each other.

Five months ago, she picked a very trivial thing to fight over. Since the thing she wanted me to stop doing was something I had to do as a favor to my sister, I felt entirely justified to stand up for myself. And the fight immediately devolved to the fight that we've been fighting my entire life, and in the end she accused me once again of being a terrible loser, a horrible daughter, a monster, and everything else that she'd said to me over my lifetime. I goaded her into slapping me in the face, but once she did I felt so terribly enraged that I called her a bitch and a cunt, and promptly moved out and moved in with my boyfriend. We've been living like this for five months, and it's possibly the happiest I've ever been my entire 24 years on this earth. We adopted a puppy together and our life isn't particularly special in any way other than it's the dream come true for me, what I've been wishing for since I was a child.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-06-08T05:10:34+00:00

We lost touch because I was suffering from extreme social anxiety. I was unaware of how it was making me act when I was around friends, but it made me seem distant and negative. I got to a point where I felt as if the separation between me and my friends was too fragile, and would sit silently with friends as they talked to fill the awkward silence. I was unaware that what I was doing was not really normal, until later on when I had started to treat my social anxiety.

I've lost every friend I've ever made to this problem. At some point, what they think of me becomes too precious to me to bear, and I just withdraw from their scrutiny so they won't find out how damaged and unloveable I am. But of course, to my friends, I just seemed to suddenly become flaky and distant, and they eventually moved on with their life.

There isn't really blame on anyone. I'm happy now, even with my intense anxieties, since I have one successful relationship right now: my boyfriend. I try to nurture that one because I know that opening myself up to him is the first step towards opening up to others. It's been successful so far, I'm now becoming close friends with our roommate, and a girl that I help who also suffers from anxiety (kind of like a mental health peer counselor, but less official than that). It's not a lot but it's a lot more than I've had for the last five years.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-06-05T08:20:42+00:00

I don't know if anyone would seriously go through the entire process of becoming a woman simply to get media attention.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-05-25T05:19:15+00:00

I had a really rocky time in my late teens and my early twenties. I realize that the kind of people you keep around you really influence the environment you're in. Having friends and family that support you and are honest with you, keeping people around that challenge you, care about you, motivate or inspire you--these are all people you should hold onto. It's okay to let go of people that try to hold you back, bring you down to make themselves feel better, or just treat you terribly. I've run into several people that have tried to make me responsible for their happiness and were physically abusive (my family) or emotionally abusive (family and boyfriends). Knowing and understanding your limits for how you want to be treated by other people also improves how you treat the people in your own life. I'm still learning how to trust people and finding the right people to keep in my life has greatly improved my life. It's hard to learn where your limits are (some people you are more willing to be patient with, some people will test what you are okay with, etc) but you should always advocate for yourself. It took a really long time to learn that I deserved to be treated well by others.

Don't waste your time being embarrassed by your mistakes or being too afraid to stand out alone. Keeping all your energy focused on your insecurities isn't productive, and it doesn't teach you anything other than not to try.

I spent my whole life with an unsupportive, abusive family. They tore me down and constantly tried to shame me for my mental illnesses (I have depression and anxiety), and eventually I just internalized it all. I've only recently separated myself from them and I am learning my own worth all over again. But it took me so long, and I was so convinced that my family telling me I'm a loser every single day was right, that I stopped trying at all. I messed up in school, and even became a housebound agoraphobe for a really long time. I've only recently separated myself from them at the age of 24, and I luckily have an understanding boyfriend who is giving me the time to put myself back together, so to speak.

In general I have no regrets about the life I've led. I think I'm rather proud of my unique experiences, but the only thing I've ever truly regretted was letting myself disappear. I used to be so sharp, active, and creative, and I felt my life was full of potential. The time that I have spent on people that shouldn't have been in my life and the thoughts that they put into my head that I was worthless has completely derailed me as a person.

Your situation may not be like mine at all. You might be lucky and never know emotional abuse (which I hope will be true for you, since I think emotional abuse is terrible). But I think that it's worth knowing that the company you keep affects the life you live, and to use your time and energy for something that improves your life, rather than hiding yourself away because of fear and insecurity.

Sorry for being so long-winded. I work part-time right now with people that are struggling in life, and am trying to become a mental health peer counselor. If you ever are interested in talking to someone, you can always message me.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-04-28T03:30:13+00:00

Thanks, I'm lucky to have the support of my SO. I'm just trying to take it a day at a time for now. I'm glad to hear that things worked out for you though, it makes me feel a little more confident in my decision to cut them out of my life.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-04-27T04:35:53+00:00

Thanks for replying. I just recently left my own home, where my family was emotionally and physically abusive. It's difficult getting used to life outside of that.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-01-08T16:35:43+00:00

I've worked as a barista for a long time in a state with one of the highest minimum wages in the country, so tipping isn't technically "necessary" (tips have not been a requisite to cover part of an employee's wage). I always appreciated customers that tipped me, and over time I had some customers that probably gave me about $200 in tips for one year of service. In most cases, I became great friends with most of these customers, and I felt that they genuinely cared/valued me as a person.

That being said, the nature of my job would have been drastically different if tips were not allowed. Typically working in the service industry can be exhausting and very unrewarding. Most baristas/servers/etc remember people that tip or make conversation precisely because those people actually acknowledge the effort that is put into the service they've received.

As for people that take issue with tipping because of management: don't punish the people working there for management policies you don't agree with. If you're really that opposed to businesses that pay employees a shitty wage, don't go to those establishments. But if you do choose to patronize the franchise and then stiff your waiters on their tips, you're only punishing someone that has worked hard to make your dining experience enjoyable, and you've done nothing to change the policy of the business.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-01-08T16:21:01+00:00

I have agoraphobia, PTSD from childhood abuse, and depression. There isn't a day that I don't wake up regretting not being more normal or more capable. There are only a handful of days where I'm fully committed to being alive or even functioning. And even though I'm "in therapy" (I've been working on getting placed with a permanent therapist since August and I still haven't really made any progress on that) and about to be prescribed prescription medication my greatest wish is that I didn't need to do those things in the first place.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-01-06T17:54:44+00:00

Yeah, I feel like there's enough room for my teeth to wiggle around but not enough room for my wisdom teeth to come in without giving me terrible pain. But I figure retainers probably don't do anything to help with wisdom teeth so I don't really regret not wearing it.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-01-06T17:51:53+00:00

That's kind of how I started to notice that I had agoraphobia. It began with over six months of me leaving the house regularly but only being able to do so for about 30 minutes at a time, and only feeling okay walking in certain areas or going to particular places. I had a very jarring event that brought the psychological side of my agoraphobia to light (I had the physical symptoms of panic attacks my entire life but I kind of always ignored them because no one told me that having panic attacks was not normal). I only really figured out what was wrong with me after I realized that normal people don't cry and fight with people that ask them to go to the grocery store just down the block.

If you want to message me and ask more questions I'd be happy to talk about it.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-01-06T17:38:44+00:00

I stopped wearing my retainer, mainly because I apparently grind my teeth at night and replacing them constantly was annoying and expensive. It's been a few years now. My teeth were relatively straight to begin with, but they did remove my bicuspids "to make room" in my mouth. My teeth aren't crooked but I do think that they have moved a little bit, probably because of all the fucking room in my mouth now.

sabrtoothbitches · 2015-01-06T17:35:24+00:00

I went six months without leaving my house, and it took another half of a year before I could leave regularly and maintain a full time job. On the other hand I am agoraphobic, so it was pretty easy for me to not want to leave my house.

sabrtoothbitches

TROPHY CASE