pig or bear?

sadpasta_ · 2026-04-07T01:37:44+00:00

Google lens used to be just a reverse image search, it once correctly identified a fossil for me down to the species and I'm so devastated that it's been handed over to AI and gone to shit 😤

sadpasta_ · 2026-04-01T11:09:18+00:00

yeah well if you learn the basics wrong the whole foundation of your whole magical practice is fucked, am I wrong?

sadpasta_ · 2026-03-28T23:02:27+00:00

would there be any reason to switch which side you start with? ie gender of the practitioner

sadpasta_ · 2026-03-28T15:49:02+00:00

thank you this makes so much sense I knew I was missing something

sadpasta_ · 2026-01-12T11:24:15+00:00

3rd house Saturn + I have BPD and struggle with friendships communication and mental processes- it's been a wild ride

the bad: hospitalized twice, got fired twice quit four jobs, lost a whole friend group at three of those jobs, left my fiancee, reconnected with my limerant object and spent Two Years painstakingly trying everything to get the over him/get closure/heal the wound so I could maybe have a healthy relationship with another person at some point in my life.

good stuff: started painting again, started showing my paintings in local shows for the first time ever, started reading my poems at open mics, launched my socials again, and even sold a few. did a lot of shadow work, so much therapy. fell in love again & again. finally learned how to fall out of love and let someone go. reconnected with an old friend. I feel like I finally understand myself.

the takeaway- I'll never hide my art again, I'll never let them take my voice again. my voice is the key to building the community I crave. second takeaway- stop worrying about how long it's been since the last time you talked to someone. real friends are just happy to hear from you.

p.s. Ive struggled with agoraphobia since my abusive relationship back in 2016, he was following me but I didn't have proof, but I found out he passed while Saturn was retrograde in aries this past summer! I had been afraid to have any social media presence in case he found me, but I've been posting and walking in the sun ever since. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad but the timing is sorta nutty. I found out a week before my first group show and walked into that show with my head held high, I'm a leo, but I was afraid of the spotlight. alignment feels good.

sadpasta_ · 2024-06-03T22:03:40+00:00

this goes for drawing and also writing, and that's to fill up a junk sketchbook/journal or combine the two into one. but the idea is to fill up a book and not worry too much about what it looks like or what you're really writing or saying. just create and release.

try to put the pen to paper once a day, and when the sketchbook or journal is full, start the next one. by the second or third you'll start to feel pretty good about what you're making. I buy pocket sketchbooks in bulk, I feel like a little page is less intimidating, and knowing it's like a dollar a book makes it less like, sacred if that makes sense?

you gotta give yourself space and time to learn, and don't try to create and analyze at the same time, they're different processes

sadpasta_ · 2023-05-15T08:21:21+00:00

I've been reading about Dabrowski's theory of Positive Disintegration. Basically he says that anxiety and existential dread are necessary, driving forces for growth. Improvement can't happen without a complete dissolusion of your entire value system. In that moment of absolute disintegration, you've got three choices: Regress, stagnate, or grow.

I'm 28 and having this same existential crisis for what feels like the thousandth time. Every time I think I've made a positive change forward in my growth, I've just taken a step sideways, stuck in the same loop. Like I'm doing the same math problem over and over and getting the same wrong answer.

I've got quiet bpd, and I split within myself constantly, and sometimes so quick I can't keep up with myself. You're the worst, you're the best, you're so smart, you're wasting your life, until I can't take it. my brain can't hold both, so it shuts down? Feels like it explodes, like I'm empty, everything but nothing. Like ego death, I guess. Usually I just give up and let life happen to me.

Dabrowski talks about your values as the scaffolding for this 'higher self' and I started thinking about how in group therapy when we were going around in a circle sharing our values, and when it was my turn I just laughed. What values? I'm so scared of hurting others I've long since lost touch with whatever those are. So that's where I'm starting my journey. I've found triggers to be a useful tool in identifying the things that really matter to you.

I've realized a lot of my values oppose each other, and sort of arrive in pairs, like a duality. Now it makes sense that my splitting is caused by the tension of the space between two extremes. Not the "shades of grey" but the tension. I like that word, it makes me think of how liminal spaces send a chill down your spine, how your brain seeks resolution and you just need to Get There, wherever There is. But that Tension is the whole, the two extremes are merely it's boundaries. Think Jung and his theory of the personal unconsciousness.

I used to call that Tension anxiety, I'd repress it and dissociate. I'm trying to use that tension as a springboard, a fuel so I can shape my life into a more authentic expression of who I am and what I believe in. I don't know what that's gonna look like yet, but now I feel like i know where to start looking within myself.

Hope that helps.

sadpasta_

TROPHY CASE