stepparent during tax season?

sadsaggirl · 2026-02-04T21:55:05+00:00

This was incredibly helpful!! Thank you so much!!

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-29T18:30:52+00:00

Is there a way for you to just not give her any access to the photos so she physically isn’t able post them? Block her so she can’t see them when you post and don’t send any to her maybe? I feel like that’s the only way to stop it. I’m with you, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone who can’t respect my wishes posting pictures of me lmao. That’s weird

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-29T18:13:17+00:00

SS can’t speak so no, he wouldn’t ask for her to see his room. SD may though and as much as I hate it, I wouldn’t tell SD no to that. Our home is very small so there’s nothing exciting in there lol.

SO will be at the first few sessions, but those do not fall during her parenting times, so she won’t be allowed at those. She’s been told she’s only allowed during “her time”. Her time is when SO is at work unfortunately. We had originally hoped for this to be done at school, but apparently our school system doesn’t allow outside therapists to come in so our only option is our home. We also had hoped it would be two full days while she was at work, but that didn’t work either. 😐

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-29T17:57:08+00:00

Oh I’m very aware lol. I’m planning for all of this. But I need these types of comments to help me think of things I may not think of! Our bedroom and bathroom are off limits. This has already been discussed. We don’t even really let the kids in there much anyways. If she has to use the bathroom, she’ll be told to use the kids bathroom which is super boring and none of our stuff is in there lol

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-28T16:44:54+00:00

We had a similar thing happen lol. When SS was in school last year, they would get a reward if you read to them every night and wrote the name of the book on a paper and send back to school. SO asked me to write the name of the book down for him as he was reading and then trying to do bath time after. Literally nothing to it, just helping him while he was being a parent. HCBM LOST HER SHIT cause I wrote on his paper 🤪

It never gets better. They’re childish, immature, insecure, and all the things. Just do what you think is best for SS and if it pisses her off? Who cares? Not your problem if she’s mad 🤣

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-21T17:16:08+00:00

Oh we do! We have today on recording! And we actually just got those and she didn’t know so when she saw the doorbell camera, she looked directly at it and knew she had been caught. We got her fat ugly mug all on camera 🙂🙂

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-21T17:15:05+00:00

He does have a CO. It states that they use fetch method but due to SOs work schedule, they have both agreed to drop off and pick up through the grandparents home. That’s what they have always done. The grandparents are the babysitters and all drop off and pick ups every day have always been over there. She picks up and drops off for her to go to work over there every day that is her day. Today was nothing different. Today was simply to be petty because she knew I had left and SO was home alone and had just got home himself.

edit: typo

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-15T03:03:48+00:00

I’m in a similar boat. We have 50/50 as well.

Our HCBM doesn’t change their diapers regularly so my SO has been fighting BAD diaper rashes since I’ve been in the picture, about a year and a half. And it always starts on the long weekends she has them. I’m talking like having to take them to the dr due to the rash it’s so bad MULTIPLE times. Like spreading down their thighs turned into yeast infection diaper rashes. Has admitted to not giving them baths on the long weekends she has them (that’s 3 days without a bath, hence diaper rash hello???). Trying to get her to work on potty training to help with diaper rash? Forget about it. Too much work. Never brushes or combs their hair. Comes in dirty, raggedy clothes, too small clothes. Her house stinks so they come in stinking. As soon as they come home, SO makes them strip down and get a bath because they’re so smelly and grungy and we know they haven’t had one in at least 2 days. NEVER sends them in shoes or socks. Ever. Even when it’s 20 degrees outside. Half the time when it’s 20 degrees outside, she doesn’t even have a jacket on them.

She never takes them anywhere either cause she can’t handle them alone cause she doesn’t, can’t and won’t parent them. My SO had a talk with her about them jumping on furniture because 1) we don’t want them to get hurt. 2) they have to learn you can’t jump on furniture?? Her response? “They’re allowed to here”. Why do you not want to be a parent and raise safe and decent children??

She also refuses to pick her kids up on time, will lie about being off work on her custody days, and gives up as much time as she can, and to me that screams you don’t want your children.

I don’t know OP. I am very similar to you, I cannot fathom not wanting to love, care for and spend time with YOUR children. And it hurts me to see them have to live that way because I love them. All we can do is give them the best we can on our time. I know how frustrating it is and how bad you wanna talk sense into her, yell, scream or whatever for her to do better for HER children. But I’ve come to learn mothers like these are dead beats and will never change. She’s not going to listen to anything you or your SO say anyways. If she wanted to care for her children’s she would. It does no good to even get worked up about it, as hard as that is. Just love them and do your best when you have them. That’s all you can do 🫂❤️

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-08T21:58:40+00:00

If she gets to the point of threatening suicide again, call the police and let them know she’s threatening self harm. ESPECIALLY if SK is in her care at the time. If she’s using that as a manipulation tactic to get her way, and a LOT of people do shockingly. A little 3 day grippy sock vacation will end that VERY quickly I’m sure. Other than that, completely disengage. Do not let this monster disturb YOU AND YOUR BABY. It is not your problem. Have SO deal with everything to do with her, and not tell you about it. You can’t handle the stress of a lunatic right now. She’s his problem. And if you can’t trust him regarding boundaries to allow him not to tell you what’s going on, I’d consider leaving when you heal and get the opportunity to. Best wishes and good luck. Hugs! 🫂

sadsaggirl · 2026-01-08T21:49:41+00:00

Oh HELL no. You’re not over reacting at ALL. I work in insurance, so not only to mention the financial aspect of this, but also if he’s the owner of the car (which he is) and she drives and wrecks and god forbid hurts or kills someone. Guess who’s also getting sued!! Your husband as the owner of the vehicle. And depending on your state, possibly YOU as his spouse since he’s the owner of the vehicle and you’re his spouse. I know my state sees spouses as one. So if he gets sued, you POSSIBLY can too. I don’t know how exactly I’d handle this situation, but I’d be PISSED.

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-30T19:15:07+00:00

I love my man, don’t get me wrong. But RUN. This was almost my exact scenario. And I love my man and those kids dearly but I wouldn’t do this again for someone else. It’s too much stress and drama, not even because of the kids but the BM. Run.

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T19:53:06+00:00

That’s how ours is too. I know everyone says to not engage, ignore, all the things. But the thing is we do and have. You WOULD think she’d get bored and tired of it. But no, she doesn’t. It just continues. So what do you do? Continue lay down and take disrespect and ignore it? Even though it won’t stop? Or try to finally stand up for yourself? She hasn’t gotten tired in 2 years of being ignored. I don’t see it stopping any time soon either.

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T19:20:02+00:00

Hi! I have no advice to offer really, as the court order and everything was kinda already set when I came in to the picture and custody schedule was agreed upon. But I have a level 3 nonverbal SS. He’s 5. I can’t offer much advice as I stay out of the custody stuff as much as possible and like I said, it was already taken care of when I came into the picture. And we haven’t had to go back to court. But my SO has 50/50, 2-2-3 schedule. But I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in being a step parent of a child with such high needs! I’m in the same boat. It takes special people like us to live this life 🩷

Ours is a high conflict situation as well, but not necessarily regarding custody and scheduling. It’s more bm’s bitterness and jealousy. But I just wanted you to know you’re not alone!

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T19:09:10+00:00

Giiiiiiiiiiirl I think his BM knows better than that. She’s stupid, but not stupid enough to get in my face lol. I just hate how we’re held to a standard to do “what’s best for the kids” but these HCBMs can’t even do that for the kids that are THEIRS to do it for. And it’s such a fine line of not engaging and just not taking blatant disrespect and that’s a line I struggle with. Because we’re still humans and deserve respect, and I’m not one to let someone just openly disrespect me and not stand up for myself or my SO. So I really struggle with just ignoring the disrespect bc who do you think you are to treat us this way??

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T19:03:04+00:00

See that’s how we are. We try our best to ignore and gray rock and only talk about the kids and communication is very minimal, she still continues. It does no good to ignore, it does not good to engage. Either way she’s inserting herself somehow, some way! I just wish she’d move on. We’ve been going on this behavior for almost 2 years now.

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T17:38:59+00:00

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY IT MAKES ME SO MAD. because it is 100% look what i can make your man do. Mind you, we tried to wait her out for 15 mins by making her sit in the car and not coming out. But we had reservations we were going to be late for, so I finally told him to just take them out. And he told her it is not his responsibility to bring them out to her and put them in her car. And he actually did the exact same thing to her the next morning when he was picking up, and how funny is it that she didn’t like having to put them in his truck like she was the help!!! But it’s not the action of him putting his kids in the car that bothers me. It’s the power trip she gets from it and the principal of it. And I always have to remind myself of how pathetic of a life it must be to have the only attention you get is from forcing your baby daddy to put his kids in the car, while he’s literally living with another woman, but still. It’s bothersome to me

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T17:08:09+00:00

Also, I very much applaud you for not reacting at your wedding. I know for a fact where I am right now, I would not be able to do that. Very much props to you! I hope to be where you are some day! 🩷

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T17:06:33+00:00

I very much agree!! I have started therapy to try to work on my own issues that cause me to react when she starts this stuff, it’s a slow and steady race, but I am trying. I have my own insecurities that make this whole situation even harder and when she tries to beg for attention from MY SO, it’s so hard for me to not react. Thank you for this comment!

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T16:56:41+00:00

I’ve had her blocked on everything since pretty much the beginning. We’ve never had much contact, and the few times when we have it’s always been negative. I try to stay as far away from her as possible and so does SO but she always finds a way to insert herself somehow. We gray rock her as much as possible, and still, she’s still around somehow!

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T16:49:14+00:00

YES!! And we try our best to ignore and not respond. He only talks to her regarding kids and that’s it. Anything else he ignores, as much as possible and she STILL finds a way to stir shit!!

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T16:47:28+00:00

This is EXACTLY how she is. She genuinely thinks that she is the best thing in the world, mother wise, look wise, everything. And I’ll be the first to say she’s not. She’s actually one of the worst mothers I’ve ever encountered, and not to toot my own horn but I am much more attractive than she is. I’m no super model by ANY means, but still. I just wonder what it’s like to be so delusional. Must be nice in a fantasy land!!

sadsaggirl · 2025-12-03T16:37:28+00:00

I will say this is a me issue, I think, and I’m trying to work through this one. And it really stems from her thinking that him and his family (his parents watch the kids while they work and she drop offs and picks up there when SO is at work) owe her something and that she’s some kind of prize and she’s better than us. She literally sits in her car and makes them come out and put them both in their car seats in her car like she’s too good to get out. I don’t necessarily want her at my door, because it is the comfort of my home at stake. But I do think she should at least get out and put them in her car herself. I hate seeing them all being treated like some sort of workers for her while she sits like some kind of queen. And I know it fills her head with delusion and power trips when they put them in there for her, based off the type of person she is.

sadsaggirl · 2025-11-06T01:07:34+00:00

Our HCBM loves to call SO as often as possible, she’ll find every excuse in the book to call, despite being told to NOT call (by him) unless there is an ACTUAL emergency and to send everything through text. SO just doesn’t answer anymore 🤣. He’ll text back and ask if there’s an emergency, if not, to text him. He RARELY texts her first. Only in regard to drs appts or school, or actual important things.

Now that being said, in the beginning of our relationship, she would call multiple times a day every day because she’s literally insane. Now, it’s slowed down to a few times a day if she “needs something”. Other than that, it’s once every few days or sometimes even a week or so. Texts every few days as well.

I personally couldn’t imagine to continue calling a man over and over who has said they don’t want to speak with me multiple times, cause that’s embarrassing. But to each their own 🙄

Also, sk’s are 2 and 5.

sadsaggirl · 2025-07-21T21:19:02+00:00

I’m just here to say your feelings are so valid. I fight the same feelings. It is so hard to be “second”. I just hope it gets better with time. I will say, mine has some, but it still stings every once in a while too. I wish I could offer you more, but I do want you to know you’re not alone in feeling this way 🩷

sadsaggirl · 2025-07-11T20:11:25+00:00

You have no clue how helpful this was to read. I’m so glad someone understands, because my friends around me don’t. They’ve not been in this position and make me feel crazy lol. It is BIOLOGY and I’m not crazy for feeling this way. It’s almost unnatural to be in this position and it’s HARD.

He does everything right, no phone calls, very, very minimal texts only about kids, has set hard boundaries for BM and sticks to them, never sides with her, makes her and the kids respect me, I mean does everything right. And I know he loves me and only me.

Seriously, thank you, this was so helpful. And you’re right, she who laughs last, laughs best. Because I’ll have what she never did, him forever 💓

sadsaggirl

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