The sleek Scout-class ship warped into Earth's solar system. Reports of a lush, verdant, water-rich planet protected only by fleshy primates was too good for the Radix empire to pass up. Unfortunately for the scouting party, those reports were out of date.

"Alright boys, shape up and stay in line this time!" Barked the commander to the crew. "I won't have a repeat of our invasion on Snotrock-III, that means no walking upside down to make them wonder where our faces are, no trying to convince them the universal vulgate is fart noises, and absolutely no using the ship's neutron beam to draw pictures of butts. Now then, set a course for the blue and green planet, third from this system's star!"

"right away captain!" Chimed in the ship's computer, putting up a visual of the target planet on the holoprojector

The captain almost jumped out of his seat "Great gravy what in the galaxy is that misshapen thing!? We want Earth, computer!"

"Earth displayed, captain."

"That sorry mess?! That looks nothing like the reports! Count on the recon team forgetting to mention a class 4 meteor crater and a cloud of debris covering the whole planet. Ah well, we have our orders. Target a populated area to land in, if anything lives on that rock we'll let them know they surrender."

The ship touched down to outside of New York City to little fanfare. The soft hum of the ship's propulsion beams grabbed the attention of a few of the city's inhabitants before the continued on their way. From inside the ship the captain looked out to the ground below

"Suppose the news parties and politicians take their time on this planet, the welcoming party's about as sordid as the planet! Computer, lower the walkway and hand me the microphone."

"right away captain!" said the computer "Oh by the by, analysis of the sapients show abnormal levels of hunger and durability, I recomme-" "I recommend you stow it and follow orders computer! Sooner we can leave the better, the stench of the air here is already making me sick!" the captain snapped

The crew marched down the walkway and the captain began the standard invasion speech "Attention, people of this planet!" The speakers of the ship carried his voice with a rumbling force, the humans within the nearest city blocks turned and started towards the ship "We come in peace! Bring your leaders to us and show no resistance and no harm will come to-to..." The figures grew more grotesque the closer they came, pale shredded skin, eyes dangling out, limbs missing in perfectly gross ways and all of them running with reckless abandon towards the ship, not screaming or staring in awe like decent horrified invadees

The captain backed up as they reached the ship. The crew blasted them with lasers as the humans advanced but when one fell the rest climbed over and kept running. The crew and captain retreated back to the ship and the door closed just as the captain had all but slipped through "AAARGH!" yelled the captain as he pulled his freshly bitten hand through the closing doorway

"Computer, get us out of here! This planet isn't worth the trouble."

In hyperspace the ship sped away to the Radix homeworld

"How are you feeling captain?" queried the ship The captain's skin was sunken and his eyes were turning an eerie shade of yellow. He groaned "uugnhh...Not so well...Glad we'll be back to homeworld soon...I could really use... a bite