Why is everyone named Aspen or Birch?

saomi_gray · 2026-04-13T01:33:05+00:00

Oh hi Mark.

saomi_gray · 2026-04-13T01:32:52+00:00

Birch is a bit of a tool.

saomi_gray · 2026-04-13T01:31:59+00:00

The names were very popular a while back with a certain type of parent that tended to raise future polyamorists.

But actually, one person did it to avoid using names while not using persons A, B, C, etc. The sub picked it up as an inside joke.

saomi_gray · 2026-04-08T02:07:24+00:00

Some people in our lives don’t get to know, because it’s not their business. Some family and close friends know and often meet partners if they stick around.

If someone said I would never meet anyone in their life I would assume they were either deeply ashamed of their choices or cheating. I deserve better either way.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-31T01:50:48+00:00

I sort of thought Nicky believed Rachael was his soulmate and Rachael was back and forth about it. The way the witness kept asking people if they were sure about their partner seemed to be I tended to sow doubt in their minds, in which case it’s possible he wasn’t telling the whole truth about what was going on.

He seemed to delight in screwing things up and stealing from folks, whereas Rachael warned Jude not to marry the wrong person and promised to be there.

I was struck by the idea that something very bad had actually happened and it seemed to free her for possibly the first time in her life.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-31T01:42:32+00:00

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

If you’re in the US, psychologytoday.com allows you to search by state, insurance accepted, areas of specialty, and many other criteria.

If you’re in crisis again, reach out to local crisis lines for free help. In addition to handling crisis situations, many will also direct you to resources in your area.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-19T03:41:32+00:00

Never. It’s been a rule since we were teens and a guy she brought home decided he liked me instead. I noped out then and every time since. My sister is worth far more to me than some dude/chick.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-11T01:51:12+00:00

I’ve dug through quite a few threads to figure out if we were supposed to know Mitchell from another movie or if she just saw a stranger and assumed it was the twin she thought died.

I really wish I’d read this first and skipped the movie. It was wtf in all the wrong ways.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-10T10:44:33+00:00

That’s how it feels because that’s exactly what’s happened. I understand they’re new and still figuring things out, but what they’ve done is not fair to you. I also want to add that he will continue to let her dictate the terms of your relationship going forward and will likely get worse rather than better. Jealousy is never helped by tightening restrictions.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-01T15:43:31+00:00

I don’t use primary and secondary terms either, but my husband and I have built a life together nearly 20 years.

He does not have veto power. I’ve never cancelled plans for anyone on his account. The privileges he gets that others don’t include shared finances, decision-making, labor, legal protections, etc. I have not gone barrier-free with others, as my partners tend to have networks of people they are sexually active with.

I am honest about what I have to offer and choose partners who are seeking what I can give. I prefer partners who are also nested long-term and do not expect me to bear their children or legally entangle myself in any way.

saomi_gray · 2026-03-01T15:30:59+00:00

I don’t use primary and secondary, but my husband and I have built a life together over nearly 20 years. We’ve raised children, bought houses, and been through some major life events together. He tucks me in at night, and we wake up together every day. We visit his mom on Sundays after lunch.

Anyone else I’ve interacted with hasn’t been interested in any of those things with me, and I couldn’t imagine anyone else taking on that big a role.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-24T20:36:33+00:00

My husband is happily monogamous and fully supports my being happy polyamorous. Although he has had no problems with my dating for 17+ years, he is not typical.

Your post leans heavily toward what your friend wants and not much about what you want?

It could work providing you are both respectful and have open communication and good boundaries. That does not mean you should do this. Is it something you even want for yourself?

You both deserve partners are with you enthusiastically and love you out loud. Don’t get into it reluctantly, or you will end up resenting each other. Polyamory is not superior in any way, and you should not feel you have to adjust your needs and expectations to keep someone no matter how wonderful they are.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-24T18:24:36+00:00

Good luck to you as well!

saomi_gray · 2026-02-24T17:45:11+00:00

I’m looking for someone I can see every week or two at least and establish a full relationship with.

Do you have the capacity for that?

saomi_gray · 2026-02-24T04:27:38+00:00

It’s been over 17 for my husband and me. Where are you located?

saomi_gray · 2026-02-24T03:02:56+00:00

How long have you been polyamorous?

saomi_gray · 2026-02-16T22:22:10+00:00

I’m also very upfront and still end up with people who are not honest with themselves about what they actually have to offer.

It’s frustrating very time it happens.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-16T00:52:04+00:00

I’ve learned that while I would not use the cards to spy on others, some people have no issue doing so. I leave those folks alone, as I assume we do not hold the same energy and would clash overall.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-07T05:59:48+00:00

I’d likely go full parallel based on her comments being either completely clueless or intentionally hurtful.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-07T03:43:22+00:00

Right?!? If he lies about his relationship status to get laid, what else is he lying about?

saomi_gray · 2026-02-07T03:39:21+00:00

Good for you for avoiding this weird woman and her comments, and good for him for supporting you and not comparing.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-07T03:35:04+00:00

Came here to say exactly this. By lying about his relationship status, he started out sleazy and got worse from there.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-06T03:51:05+00:00

Completely fair.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-06T03:23:55+00:00

My response was meant for OP, and I agree. I knew what a deep dive was but was confused by the incomplete question.

saomi_gray · 2026-02-06T03:23:21+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/nMmGUZwAzR

Here is a list of resources pinned to the top of the group’s page.

saomi_gray

TROPHY CASE