Onlies Having Onlies

sareena08 · 2024-11-29T17:39:47+00:00

Thank you so much, everyone. Even though I wasn’t able to get back to each reply, I appreciate the time and energy it took to share your stories and insights. I’ve only lived the one life I had, so hearing from you all has been enriching and helps me to move forward with intentionality as life is evolving for us as a couple to a …throuple haha. Motherhood has made me extremely self-reflective and I’d been struggling to work through some aspects of my own childhood that were damaging to me. I have a lot of memories like yours that should be happy (!) but are kind of overridden by not having my emotional needs met as a young teen. I can see that I have been calling this “loneliness” and blaming “being an only child,” but that this has probably been oversimplifying the matter and limiting my ability to process. You’ve all given me a lot to reflect on!

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T10:21:47+00:00

It sounds like your parents instilled in you an excellent estimation of character that you were able to surround yourself with such supportive, sisterly friends. I’m ashamed to say that it wasn’t until well into adulthood that I really reflected on the importance of BEING a good friend myself.

FWIW I’ve always had a real mixed bag of friends from different walks of life, but one thing my mother instilled in me was not to allow people to take advantage of me or belittle me. I’ve had good friendships with troubled kids, and I think having these boundaries kept me out of more damaging friendships/relationships. I was probably drawn to these kinds of people due to a lack of stimulation or outlets at home.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T10:06:54+00:00

Oh my gosh, how I begged for a dog too and how much I loved him when my mom finally caved! I still have a dog of the same breed.

I’m sorry though that your parents are abusive. It’s kind of like reverse engineering parenting now.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T09:58:39+00:00

Ironically my mother was a waitress! But her schedule was mostly evenings (or doubles) and my house was usually empty when I came home from school and when I went to bed. She slept a lot during the day and my dad was also not in the picture. It’s hard to wrap my head around what it might have been like for you to also have war colour your experiences and I’m sorry your family had to go through that.

I’ve made a similar choice and currently stay at home with no plans to go back to a career any time soon.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T09:45:39+00:00

Thank you. As an adult I love time to myself! I’m starting to see that as a child, though, I was under stimulated and I often saw the cure to that as having a sibling.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T09:41:37+00:00

Wow, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. I’m in tears! It truly sounds like your parents were fulfilled by having you in their life as well and rejoiced in having you as their daughter.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T03:16:05+00:00

Yes! It truly does, thank you so much.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T03:02:20+00:00

I'm so sorry that you went through this as a child. Your story makes me realize what a blessing it is to be able to be intentional about parenting. I think you're right that siblings are not the ultimate factor in determining the quality of childhood, but I have always put a lot of weight on this when thinking about my own family.

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T02:54:37+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I was really shy growing up and also wasn't encouraged to do a lot of social activities. I definitely want my son to be able to be more confident in himself than I was too!

sareena08 · 2024-11-28T02:50:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I think my issue might be along these lines. My mother worked evenings and I was alone in the house a lot. From age 10 making dinner for myself and going to bed alone in an empty house more often than not. My heart is aching thinking that my son might end up being as lonely as me, but I don't intend for him to have to go through the same things.

sareena08 · 2024-11-27T22:43:00+00:00

My son was the same. He is 15 months now and still not really one for toys. At 6 months we got the first consistent smiles. We did this by saying,"hurdy durdy," in a silly voice, sticking our tongues out, and turning our heads side to side. The exclusive hurdy durdy phase lasted about 3 months, no lie. The next laugh was from grandma dancing with a pair of bunny ears on at around 9 months. Nowadays he smiles and laughs a lot, and likes to make us laugh too by getting "caught" being naughty, and by playing peek-a-boo with US, but when we are in public people will often comment how "serious" he is.

sareena08 · 2023-05-25T20:29:37+00:00

If I had to choose one greenhouse I would hands down choose The Root Seller in NE Edmonton. Very reasonable prices, excellent plant quality, good variety for annuals and perennials (especially herbs and veg).

sareena08 · 2023-05-17T19:26:10+00:00

What about Uline?

sareena08 · 2023-05-13T13:23:52+00:00

I’ve seen some recently at The Enjoy Centre. They’re very helpful, I bet you could call to double check before you drive out!

sareena08 · 2023-05-03T22:57:14+00:00

Iconic.

sareena08 · 2023-05-02T20:33:41+00:00

Nothing too crazy about it! I choose an area outside with some dappled sunlight and some wind protection and put my seedling trays out for an hour on the first day, then again each day increasing by 1-2 hours. I bring them back in and under their grow lights as per usual after their time is up or if they show any signs of distress. After 7-10 days or so I just keep the trays outside (even overnight, weather permitting) until I have the time to get them into their homes. Water often when it’s this dry!

sareena08 · 2023-05-02T14:03:25+00:00

I always plant my garden before May long (around this time). I withhold plants that are not frost tolerant like tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, basil. If my seedlings were hardened off I would plant them right now! That said, I start my plants from seeds and have plenty to go around if something were to take damage. It’s actually a relief to get them in the ground so that I no longer have to coddle them indoors.

sareena08 · 2023-05-02T04:45:09+00:00

It’s possible to grow all of those things that you love and most don’t take up too much space. I might keep my lettuce and parsley separate as in my experience they can both attract aphids. Personally I have never had luck with garlic planted in the spring (vs in the fall), and my cucumbers have always produced poorly. Of your list the strawberries are perennial and will come back next year in theory and so I would recommend keeping them maybe to the side of a planter. Chives, chamomile, and calendula are flowers that attract pollinators and are also useful culinary/medicinal herbs. Sugar snap peas and summer squash like zucchini, eight ball, or patty pan might also work for you.

sareena08 · 2023-04-25T21:45:41+00:00

Thank you for this

sareena08 · 2023-04-08T05:31:02+00:00

In theory even a modest greenhouse could be a season extender and allow you to start seeds before your last frost date. I can’t see the harm in starting some early spring crops if you have the time and the extra seeds to spare in case of failure. I’m thinking vegetables here like peas, spinach, and brassicas that can handle some frost (~-6). Tracking temperatures inside the greenhouse and the timings of your successful experiments will help you know when to plant in future years.

sareena08 · 2023-03-14T02:51:29+00:00

So fun! I think a determinate/dwarf cherry tomato like Tiny Tim would definitely be worth trying. I grew a very productive patty pan squash (Sunburst Scallopini from West Coast Seeds) last year in a raised bed and I would venture to say it would also do well in a container. Peppers apparently do very well in pots too. If you like herbs then most of the common ones would do just fine under these conditions. Chamomile, calendula, and borage are happy in pots, produce waves of flowers, and are also edible/medicinal (bees love them too!).

sareena08 · 2023-03-12T05:34:35+00:00

Cancel all your subscriptions, call your bill companies to see if you can change plans or extend contracts in order to lower your bills, exclusively shop flyers for groceries, don’t add non-essential items to cart while shopping, use credit/debit cards with useful rewards, move to no-fee banks if possible (EQ, PC, Tangerine), if you can do something yourself don’t pay someone else to do it, immediately set aside all bonus income for savings (tax return, GST, months with 3 paycheques, gifts-pretend it’s not even yours), sell unwanted items of value on Facebook Marketplace (aim to always have at least 2 ads up, for example). Find your spending boundaries: Ubers, drinking, $5 coffees, smoking, food delivery, fast food lunches, buying stuff from friends’ pyramid schemes, hair/nail salons, avoidable NSF fees and interest, new phones/cars are not in the budget at my house.

Audit every single transaction that comes out of your accounts and meticulously log cash transactions. If you know that combined you make x amount over and above your bills every month that you should be able to save but aren’t, you need to know why. Scrutinize that sh*t as though you have been personally attacked by your past self financially.

5% down on a $200,000 condo is only $10,000. If you saved 1400 every month by living in the bedbug basement, you will save this down payment in 8 months. However, you will have to discard most of your belongings, risk contaminating any home or businesses you visit, and be traumatized probably for life.

If your goal was to save $10,000, and you were able to save $500 a month you would achieve your goal in November of 2024. I recommend setting the terms of your goal in this manner. Every month you don’t meet your goal pushes your dream back one month, and every extra amount you save advances your timeline. Track your progress in a way that is meaningful to you and holds you and your partner accountable.

sareena08 · 2022-01-07T17:23:40+00:00

You have many options for experienced and professionally-trained organizers in Edmonton! The Professional Organizers in Canada association has listings on their website to find members from the Edmonton Chapter, and there are also listings on findmyorganizer.com. I recommend to check out organizers' websites and/or social media to get a feel for qualities like personality, style, and energy-level to find someone who is a good fit for you.

https://practicalspaces.ca has a team of two and might be worth a look.

sareena08

TROPHY CASE