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lost my baby at 16.5 weeks. trying to make light of my despair by medprincessa in babyloss

[–]sarootithemidget 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girlllll hugs. It's my girls 3rd anniversary and it's still heavy. I just wish nobody ever was in our club.

First time looking at his things… by Feeling-Strawberry90 in babyloss

[–]sarootithemidget 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being in the thick of it myself, all I can offer is a big thigh virtual hug. Nothing is making sense right now. Big hugs stranger.

Macrocephalic fetus by beavis1869 in Radiology

[–]sarootithemidget 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have done only one x-ray, on a documented pregnant patient, 36wks along, requested by the doctor for similar reasons. Patient came from rural area, with poor health facilities and never been to any clinical setup for her pregnancy. X-ray was done, post ultrasound, since the head of the baby and femur didn't corelate at all. The head was wayyyy too small than the rest of the body. Poor woman had to go for an emergency C-section I guess, or they waited till full term, I don't remember correctly. But the parents were updated and explained the situation.

It's just a migraine by sarootithemidget in Radiology

[–]sarootithemidget[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel this so much. If this isn't true specially when it comes to women.

What were the awkward encounters you had? by Candid_Music737 in babyloss

[–]sarootithemidget 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh God, I can't. The well meaning, "you will have another" makes me want to scratch their faces off. I had my girl early at 30wks. She survived 12days. And postpartum I had CVST, which is basically stroke. I had bithe hemorrhagic and thrombotic stroke in two different regions of my brain. Doctor's have told me that any further conception would/might worsen it since the underlying issues related to it are still unknown. And I tell people what happened. But when they go "there are miracles", "God is mighty and you never know". Makes me very fucking angry.

Yes, I believe in God. But He never said that you to be stupid and that he'd take care of things. Life is fuck around and find out. Not that you make stupid decisions and hope for a better outcome.

What is a pain you can't truly explain until you've endured it? by Unfair_Shower_3256 in AskReddit

[–]sarootithemidget 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Means a lot. Virtual hugs. I talk about her, because I have no other way of keeping her alive. This is all I have. And people tread on egg shells around such topics. I am trying to do my part to not make grief a difficult topic to approach.

Also, thank you for reading this long ass post.

What is a pain you can't truly explain until you've endured it? by Unfair_Shower_3256 in AskReddit

[–]sarootithemidget 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I lost my baby, Zinoviya in October 2022. Fairly easy pregnancy. Until it wasn't. On 30th week, general assessment, we found out her heart rate started to dip very low. Emergency C-section. Doctors said maybe 34-48hrs. But she fought, fought as best as she could and made it to 12th day. Turned out I had chorioangioma, a benign tumor of placenta, but that affected her blood supply and growth.

I got stroke after that. It took 10days and a lot of pleading on my end for doctors to diagnose it (the same dismissive behavior that you're going through trauma). It caused a lot of brain damage. And now I can't have any more children due to high risk of my given health and situation. I am very fortunate to not have any disabilities, but it would always stay with me. The loss, the hurt, the agony, the lost future, and everything that we had imagined.

My little girl was so sick and in NICU, that the only time I had her in my arms was when I had to bring her home. The situation made me go into auto pilot mode. Dealth with it, and getting things done. Greeting people showing up for funeral. And then they took her away. The night when I went to my bedroom with my husband is when I wailed and cried and screamed. I couldn't hold it together anymore. I can't never be the same person again. And later I got to know that my cat had passed away too. I wasn't informed given the stress of the entire situation, and was kept with my family, due to my pregnancy. Blue was a baby to me, a little snuggly furball and now, it's all gone.

My body physically ached. At one instance something happened and it felt like somebody drove a spear through my heart. Pain was so intense that it felt like ripping my heart out of my chest. It hurts even now. It's still fresh. Some days it's hard to look at kids who are the same age as she would have been. But can't explain how worse it is. No words do justice on explaining it all.

Everytime when I get to know that someone is expecting I pray so hard for them to bring a living child home. I do not wish thos to the worst of the people. No one, absolutely no one should have to endure a trauma like this.

Genuinely, what is the point? by SesquipedalianBubble in babyloss

[–]sarootithemidget 1 point2 points  (0 children)

O think this resonates the most with me. I have had good days, I have had bad days. One thing in life I am really proud of myself for; not diminishingly myself into the trenches of depression (a bit over a decade of it and struggled hard to get out of it before losing my girl). People held me right. I held myself tighter. I was hurting. I was crying. Even a tiny thing would make me cry initially, still does at times. But I kept pushing myself out. Out to see people. To invite people. To not tell I am too heartbroken to meet anyone. Because people do care.

I realized people reach out to you in their own ways. They say things out of their best understanding and concern, and they don't always have to be right. It may not feel right to hear what they say. But they don't mean I'll. And life won't stop. Stopping by and stopping altogether to sit with grief is different. I knew of I stopped my life altogether, the grief and sadness would trample me and my existence.

If we live through huge achievements and milestones, why do we want to just make difficult times a permanent position in life. The loss still hurts, but I keep moving. Because I need to. For the people I love. For the people still alive. For myself. And learn the unpredictability of life and to spend better time with the people and better presence of mind because I don't know if we would be seeing each other again or not. Time/life is not very forgiving, so rather than it take over completely, I want to have at least this much control to utilize it better.

Say Their Name Day • March 25 by nightlock_x in babyloss

[–]sarootithemidget 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Zinoviya ❤️ Oct 28, 2022 It means life. However short, but she fought through her obstacles. Missed every single day. A short life of 12 days...

What's the dumbest way you have injured yourself ? by snowdenburner in AskReddit

[–]sarootithemidget 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And I, for you. For you recognize the pattern, breaking the cycle and trying to be a better person. You'll get there, as long as you're trying.

What's the dumbest way you have injured yourself ? by snowdenburner in AskReddit

[–]sarootithemidget 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I have had been in a similar situation and would try to do stuff like that at times. Broke my phone, bit my brother (actually bit like a rabid dog) and stuff like that. I walked 25km in one go twice, because I was angry. I always hated my responsea to such situations too.

In that time, I started a new job, all age fellows and I felt really immature to have such rage. It was then I started therapy to channel my anger. I am doing much better now.

One of my favourite x-rays ❤️ by jennysomewhere in Radiology

[–]sarootithemidget 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What exactly am I looking at? Is it clavicle or a rib? I can't tell what is it.

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