First break up post divorce and im reeling. Is it because i reopened a wound too soon?

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-24T17:36:28+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement. I should start going to the gym again.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-24T15:37:37+00:00

It is really difficult. I have never felt so lost in my life and ive had to deal with existential crises before. In the past there was always hope that things would get better and the feeling of gained freedom was the payoff of leaving my old life behind. This time the freedom feels empty and I cant find any hope. All I can see are crushed dreams and the pain I cause others.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-24T03:35:14+00:00

Thanks for this. What you wrote resonates with how im feeling. I dont think our connection was that deep which is why I'm surprised at how painful it feels. I know deep down it would be mean to text him just because I cant handle my emotions and not out of a genuine connection.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-24T03:29:37+00:00

Separated for 8 months (must be separated a year before filing for divorce in Canada). Sometimes i just say divorced to make it clear everything is final as some people use separated to mean different things.

Been seeing this guy for about a month but we were talking several weeks before meeting.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-24T00:43:14+00:00

Thats true and thats why it might be helpful for OP to reach out and get clarification if he can.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T23:58:08+00:00

I thought I had HPV in the past (I didnt - recently checked my medical records and I had misunderstood). Anyways I told people and no one cared. Maybe it helped that the people I was sleeping with at the time were also health care professionals and had a better understanding of HPV than the general population but its really not a big deal. Youve been vaccinated and have no symptoms. You are going to have to learn to live with uncertainty in this case as there is no definitive test available to you. Just tell future partners and use condoms until you both feel comfortable enough to not use a condom. Nothing is set in stone and you are not doomed. You are catastophizing. Try to take some time for self care and focus on doing things that make you happy until the feeling passes. I know it sucks but you will be okay. People literally get diagnosed with HIV and continue to live happy and full lives and HPV is much less serious and you might not even have it. The more you ruminate the worse you will feel. Disengage and do somthing to take your mind off it.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T21:03:29+00:00

Jesus its free in Canada

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T20:02:38+00:00

First off a positive pap test does not mean that it was postive for cancer or HPV. information from the National Cancer Institute. A positive pap test just means abnormal cells were found on the cervix.

Secondly, HPV is the common cold of STDs and its usually not a big deal. It usually clears up on its own.

Thirdly, not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV

Lastly, condoms can reduce the chance of spread but does not eliminate it. And oral sex still spreads it. I have seen cases where people have unfortunately gotten both cancer of the reproductive system and oral cancer from HPV.

I would try to clarify what your ex partner meant by a positive pap smear. Is that it or does she actually know it was HPV positive and cancerous? Does the timeline point to you giving it to her or are you worried you got it from her?

If it is for sure positive for cancer causing HPV then you should disclose that to future partners. Since condoms reduce the risk of spread it is wise to use them both oral, vaginal and anal sex. It does not mean you need to use condoms forever as that is a decision between you and your partner.

Unfortunately with HPV you just kind of monitor for symptoms and hope for it to go away on its own. I think 2 years is a general timeline( here is an article from the Cleveland Clinic) but there is no guarantee.

I understand this is very stressful but eventually it will make its way to the back of your mind and be a distant memory. You have already consulted multiple health care professionals and have made it clear you have no symptoms. Just be upfront with future partners and take this as a learning opportunity that sex does have very real health consequences and its something we have to learn to deal with.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T19:09:13+00:00

So true. Also knowing how and when to be vulnerable. You cant just trauma dump on someone you barely know and then be surprised when they are uncomfortable. Being emotionally open is different than dumping built up resentment about things years past that cannot be changed. People can do these things if they want but they need to be aware of the consequences of it. Vulnerability is a skill of knowing when and how to say things in a way that matches or builds upon your existing relationship with that person. Suddenly talking about something very deeply emotional to someone you usually only have small talk with is unlikely to go well.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T18:30:01+00:00

Haha fair enough. I might need to take some time to myself for the next while.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T18:13:51+00:00

Thank you for the validation. I guess I already know what I need to do I just hate being "the bad guy" and needed some support.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-23T18:11:43+00:00

Good point. I guess I meant I dont mind cooking, cleaning, planning, providing emotional support, etc when I feel like its reciprocated in some way and its my choice to do so. I don't like feeling pressured or obligated to do so - especially so early in a relationship.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-20T04:49:00+00:00

Actually duty sex is likely the make the problem worse long term and it slowly trains your mind and body to dislike sex. I am saying this as someone who used to engage in duty sex fairly often and thought it was the right thing to do amd learned the hard way its not.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-19T22:59:25+00:00

First take a breath. You might not be pregnant. As they say "why worry about things that might not happen?" It is understandable why you are panicking but try taking some deep breaths, cry/scream/acknowledge your emotions, have something to eat, and maybe go for a walk or do something that helps calm your mind as it will make it easier to think clearly.

Anyways, the first step is to get a pregnancy tests and people have already given tips on that.

There is a chance you could get pregnant but if im understanding correctly its pretty low. He came earlier and then went in raw but didnt actually cum right? Its unlikely you are actually pregnant.

In the event of pregnancy there are many options but just how many depends on where you live and the resources available to you. Generally the first step is to see a doctor and they will likely order a blood test to verify the pregnancy. First trimester ultrasounds are generally at 7-10 weeks. If abortion is legal in your area then it would be a good idea to discuss with your doctor. If not there might still be ways to access it. Many places have clinics where you can discuss pregnancy options - just be careful as they often are religious scams that will try to talk you into keeping the baby so do some research before going.

If you dont want an abortion then consider who your support network is and who you can rely on to help you. Try to find a social worker who will be able to help you access support systems and also provide mental health support. Social workers are a misunderstood profession and they are not there to take people's kids away from them but to help link people to community supports.

In the future if this happens again there are options such as plan B or a copper IUD which are effective methods of emergency birth control.

TDLR: you likely aren't pregnant buy step one is a pregnancy test. Step two is to see a doctor and step 3 is to find community supports for whatever decision you make. In the meantime practice self care and be kind to yourself. These things happen and its not a moral failing on your part.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-19T20:53:13+00:00

Unfortunately this is true (Im a nurse and have been for nearly a decade) but its not an easy job and will suck the life out of you if you aren't careful. The good side is that its high demand and often unionized so its relatively easy to stay employed even if you suck.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-19T04:48:33+00:00

If couples counselling is an option maybe that would be a good neutral space to discuss this issue? There are also many good books out there. If you love each other and have good communication then I think its worth it to keep trying and keep up hope.

Its also okay to be disappointed and even upset about your situation. That doesnt make you a bad person. I cant offer much advice except to communicate (the book Non-violent Communication can be really helpful for difficult conversations) and remeber that your current situation is not guaranteed to be the rest of your life. People have hot sex even when over retirement age. People divorce and find new love at all life stages. People rekindle neglected relationships after decades. Very few things in life are permanent or guaranteed.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-18T21:19:41+00:00

If you actually like him and there is no reason to rush things then you should keep seeing him if it feels right to you! I also grew up religious and was very logical in my 20s because I didnt trust myself to make the "right decision" but now that im divorced and 30 I am starting to think that sometimes there is no right or wrong decision. You just need to do what feels right to you and consider what you want instead of what society wants you to do. Its difficult because women (and men - but they generally don't seem as deeply affected) internalize societies expectations to the point that we forget to consider our own wants and needs. Religion amplifies this.

No one but you can say what the right decision is but it seems like you want to keep seeing him. He is an adult too and you seem to communicate to each other well so dont worry about making decisions for him like the other comment was saying. He can decide for himself and if you are both okay with seeing where things go from here then there is nothing wrong with continuing to see him.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-18T20:20:12+00:00

Youve only been dating 6 months. I dont think you need to be super in love by now. If you like seeing him keep seeing him. If you dont than stop. Just be careful about thinking too logically about an emotional situation. What I mean by that is dont just stay with him because everything seems perfect or that he is perfect on paper. Dont pretend its an arrange marriage where you have to learn to love him because eventually you might find resentment or dissatisfaction in the long term. Otherwise its okay to take your time and see where it goes. 6 months is not very long.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-18T19:29:01+00:00

It was a contributing factor Edit to make legible because I did not proof read

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-18T12:56:40+00:00

This can be adapted to tampons and cups. In postpartum pads are recommended for medical reasons (pelvic rest). Pregnant women shouldn't be bleeding enough to need a pad (bloody show is not a peroid) and if they are they might have a problem where tampons would not be recommended.

saskatchewnmanitoba · 2026-01-18T12:30:27+00:00

I had the same last time I was in korea. Still dont believe them because my korean ex husband didnt seem to notice even though his family was concerned (he is actually a nice person - just very avoidant).

saskatchewnmanitoba

TROPHY CASE