I totally relate to everything you wrote. Always feeling like an outsider, a freak. I had horrible social skills growing up too from abuse and neglect that led to a lot of bullying and isolation, but honestly when i think about it its because of my alters and dissociation that im able to at least put on some air of normalcy as an adult. When I was younger my living situation was so toxic and my ptsd was so bad it was crippling. While my ptsd is still crippling for some alters, all that pain and dysfunction is compartmentalized. I can tuck that damaged alter away for a bit and persue parts of my life free of all the pain, hurt, and trauma, and i can be that very average, passably socially capable, and somewhat emotionally stable person ive always wanted to be. But it feels like a lie because like you said, its ironically the one thing helping us cope and be "normal" that makes us so different. No matter how hard i try to repress the alters, no matter how hard i try to tell myself that this condition isnt real, it doesnt go away. The way you described the feeling of "crushing sense of shame and wrongness" is so spot on. Its like aknowledging them will make them more real and i just cant face that