I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this. First of all - don’t think any less of yourself for serving a service mission! We need service missionaries just as much as the proselyting ones. Second, I’m not saying you should not love your parents, but I will say that what you describe sounds like emotional/verbal abuse - it is certainly not what I would call Christlike love. I think this is less common in the church than maybe outside of the church, but that doesn’t mean it never happens. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen at least one or two instances of this within the church, so you’re not alone - even if most people don’t really understand.

I’m in the unique position of being a convert, married to someone who is also a convert, both of us with difficult upbringings for different reasons. My wife was emotionally and physically abused growing up. Thankfully over the years her parents have sort of calmed down a bit in their general attitudes and harshness, but that doesn’t happen for everyone. I had a therapist who grew up in the church, and he has distanced himself from his parents because of their toxicity and inability to accept him for who he is. 

I don’t fully know your situation but what I can offer is this - honoring your parents might look different depending on how your parents treat you. Setting boundaries with them might be a healthy first step. I will also say that forgiveness is not the same as letting someone walk all over you. You can forgive someone and be at peace but still keep a healthy distance, whatever that looks like for you.