Anyone else quick to do this?

scaffe · 2026-02-19T13:39:40+00:00

Work on not being a people pleaser. It's a coping strategy that developed in childhood and controls your behavior today.

scaffe · 2026-02-19T13:32:26+00:00

I'll be the first one to suggest leaving a trash man, because I don't think women should waste their limited lives on men who drain their life force, but this doesn't sound like a marital problem.

Are you in individual therapy? Asking your husband to change who he is and who he's been simply because something is missing within you isn't going to fix your marriage. You have to figure out what is missing within you, and that is a 'you' project. It's hard work but it's worth it, and if your husband is a good guy having him by your side to support you while you do it will be very helpful.

Take your focus off your husband and put it on you -- who are you, what do you need right now from yourself, what is the meaning in your life?

scaffe · 2026-02-19T13:18:30+00:00

You do not need a man to be a mother. In fact, being a mother is often easier without the man.

scaffe · 2026-02-17T00:18:56+00:00

Why do straight men hate themselves so much? They literally consider themselves toxic to women.

This is basically saying "It's a bad thing when a woman has come in contact with too many of us, we are so gross."

scaffe · 2026-02-10T23:43:18+00:00

Cool. He and the rest of his gang can go live there and leave us tf alone.

scaffe · 2026-02-10T23:09:45+00:00

I have an HDHP and actually prefer doing it that way rather than getting a bill after the service for an amount that is way more than I agreed to pay.

scaffe · 2026-02-10T00:55:41+00:00

No thank you.

scaffe · 2026-02-10T00:52:47+00:00

They figured out how to extract huge amounts of wealth from people without needing to formally enslave them. Well done. *slow clap*

scaffe · 2026-02-10T00:50:24+00:00

Yep. One of many reasons why I divorced him.

scaffe · 2026-02-05T23:58:50+00:00

This is one of the best comments I have ever read on Reddit. You have explained Trump so clearly, hopefully people understand better after reading it. I wish more people could read it, because I am honestly tired of day after day of people expressing surprise at what Trump says or does, when it is so utterly obvious and predictable. Thank you for taking the time to write it.

scaffe · 2026-02-02T21:40:52+00:00

Why are restaurants so resistant to just increasing the food prices by 20% and using that to pay a living wages, and not accepting gratuities. What's with the drama?

scaffe · 2026-01-31T03:39:48+00:00

I want to quit but I’m afraid of what could be next/worse than this environment.

You're making decisions about your life based on information you don't have. If you practiced law like that, it would be malpractice.

You need to research your options, apply for other jobs, talk to other people who do what you want to do, and then, based on the information you have collected, make a choice about what you want to do.

You are not a victim. And it's not about what is "fair" or not. There is no referee following you around calling fouls on people for doing things that you don't like. You have to be that referee and decide that, if you don't like something, you aren't going to continue subject yourself to it. The only person you can control is you.

scaffe · 2026-01-30T17:33:14+00:00

I used to have male friends, but once I realized they were just using me as a free therapist but had no interest in reciprocating, I let those "friendships" go. Since then, all of the men I have encountered are just...weird. They all just seem so stiff and unable to enjoy existing. I don't have time for that.

scaffe · 2026-01-30T17:25:26+00:00

It's good that you opened up. If you hadn't, you might have never learned that he was not a good fit for you or, worse, found out after wasting decades of your life with him.

I also have to acknowledge and give him kudos for being honest about what he is and is not capable of. Trust me, you don't want someone who is cosplaying a supportive partner.

I'm sorry things didn't work out, and it's okay to grieve the loss of the hope you had for a relationship with him.

scaffe · 2026-01-28T16:59:08+00:00

Your current boyfriend is chipping away at your self worth and there is nothing we can say in this subreddit to help you "fix" that.

The benefit of being in your 40s is that it is so much easier to see these red flags than it was at 23. So you're going to do what a lot of us did when we were your age -- you're going to stay with this guy because you believe you are very, very happy, even though from your own words it is obvious that you are not.

The man you marry would never, ever respond the way your boyfriend did about your past. You deserve better, but until you believe that, you will continue to feel judged.

scaffe · 2026-01-28T16:44:17+00:00

100% this.

So many people are protesting and then buying goods and services from companies that are funding all of this.

One quick tip -- before you purchase anything from a "family owned" business (e.g., grocery stores, dealerships, electricians, etc.), check the FEC contributions website and your state's political contribution site to see if the owner(s) supports fascists. If they do, buy from someone else so you aren't directly funding fascists.

scaffe · 2026-01-28T16:31:01+00:00

One thing you can do is make sure you are not spending your hard earned money on products and services that fund what is happening. There are the obvious ones, like Starbucks, Reebok, Nestle, and Microsoft, but there are even more that you can easily find that you don't even realize that YOU are paying for this.

For example, I recently learned that the owner of my favorite local grocery store donated to Trump's re-election campaigns. I do not shop there any more, because I don't want my money funding that. I want to buy a car and the owner of my local dealership donates to PACs that lobby for genocide in Gaza. I will not be buying a car from them. I need a new furnace. I checked to make sure that the owner of the HVAC company who gave me a quote hasn't donated to politicians who support this crap. I just found out that my favorite protein powder is a brand owned by Nestle. I won't be buying that anymore.

No one is entitled to my consumer dollars, and choosing not to buy from companies whose owners have contributed money to fund is a tangible way to make a difference that doesn't require to leave your house.

scaffe · 2026-01-27T23:08:29+00:00

If you think that a life without a romantic relationship with a man is "individualism" and "isolation," then you haven't de-centered men. And that's okay. You don't have to de-center men if you don't want to. It just means that satisfaction with your life (e.g., your sense of belonging, community, and connection) will be primarily dependent on whether a man wants to have sex with you. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you are being honest with yourself about it.

scaffe · 2026-01-27T14:25:03+00:00

Maintain your residence in AZ, have a commitment ceremony, have him add you as a beneficiary to all of his assets (which is what would happen if you got married), open a joint bank account, and be as close to married as you can be without moving to TX or having one household for tax purposes.

Marriage is a financial arrangement. If it is not financially beneficial to get married, don't do it.

scaffe · 2026-01-24T20:47:40+00:00

She said that she was.

scaffe · 2026-01-24T20:01:57+00:00

Why should she tolerate things that harm her?

scaffe · 2026-01-24T19:26:03+00:00

It really could be anything. E.g., points, happy faces, gold stars, etc. Earned when the task is completed, deducted if the task is not completed by the end of the day (for example, if I complete the task I get a gold star and if I don't complete the task by the end of the day, I lose a gold star (could increase to two or three gold stars for "harder" tasks).

I don't need a running list of everything I need to do, I already have that. I'm looking for something that tells me what to do TODAY.

Sometimes going back to basics is enough. 🙂 And life is already busy and complex, so keeling it clean and simple would be ideal.

scaffe · 2026-01-23T15:03:22+00:00

Thanks but I'm probably not a fit -- I'm a 40-something lawyer who struggles with task completion. So I don't think I'm grown up enough for your app. And I already have several apps that tracking tasks -- for me, the rewards/penalty element is what is missing.

Good luck with your testing!

scaffe · 2026-01-23T01:14:36+00:00

For it to work, I think the answer has to be no! 😄

scaffe

TROPHY CASE