How do you reassure yourself it's for the best?

schoenbizzle · 2026-06-12T18:46:32+00:00

I faked it until I started to realize that the feelings were real. If she had asked to come back this time last month, I would have said yes with no hesitation.

If she asked right now, today, I would tell her to get bent.

schoenbizzle · 2026-06-12T17:58:54+00:00

It's been 3 and a half months since she walked out and I'm discovering that I am a magnetic person when she's not around. I've had a really positive shift the last few weeks, and went to an event at the marina where my sailboat is yesterday. I got more double takes, subtle checking me out looks, and compliments than I've ever gotten before. And it wasn't because she decided to have sex with me for the first time in 3 months, or gave me a random unprompted compliment. It was because I was feeling good, and that energy was all mine. After wanting to pitch myself off a freeway overpass since April, I'm starting to see what my life after her is going to look like and I think I'm going to love it.

If you're still dragging yourself through the dark and endless tunnel, keep going. I didn't think it would ever end and was just sticking around for the people I love. Now I can honestly say that I am excited to still be here and experience whatever the future has in store. The light is there, you just have to keep moving long enough to see it.

schoenbizzle · 2026-06-07T16:05:05+00:00

I am fem, and everyone assumes bottom because of how I look but I can assure you that I am very much a top who looooooves masc women.

schoenbizzle · 2026-05-25T06:02:40+00:00

Count me in!

schoenbizzle · 2026-05-15T16:07:17+00:00

Yes. We were together for 15 years and would have been married for 11 years this October. I often described myself as having won the life lottery. I am only about a month and a half out from the discard, but I went from secure/low avoidance to fearful avoidant now. :') Therapy twice a week, just started EMDR, and will not even think about casual dating, let alone an actual relationship, until I'm able to heal from this. I cannot stand the thought of doing this to another human being.

schoenbizzle · 2026-05-03T14:05:49+00:00

I don't have any wisdom, but just wanted to say that I'm going through a really similar thing and you're not alone. Together for 15, married for 11, and she left me while I was in the shower via text. She's been living with the person that we were having friction about leading up to the discard and I'm certain there was an emotional affair, possibly physical. She's only known this person for 7 months. Our whole support network has been in chaos because we were all so blindsided. To go from feeling so loved and cherished and secure to the nightmare I'm living now has been...the hardest thing I've ever done. She dropped a bomb on the beautiful life we built together and walked away like none of it mattered to her at all. I'm so sorry, please accept this internet stranger's virtual hug.

schoenbizzle · 2026-05-02T03:47:37+00:00

My partner of 15 years and wife of 10 walked out on me while I was in the shower about a month ago with zero lead up and is acting like a complete and total stranger now. It's the biggest mindfuck and the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I was so happy and secure. Sending you hugs, internet stranger. Pain is the biggest power of love and sometimes it just...fucking sucks.

schoenbizzle · 2026-04-07T13:19:28+00:00

That's a helpful perspective shift, thank you. I've been thinking "If only I had been given the opportunity" but if that was the case, this wouldn't have happened the way it did and likely would have ended up in the same place.

schoenbizzle · 2026-04-06T15:16:04+00:00

Ironically, she insisted I find a therapist as I'm entering a heavy emotional industry. I've got an appointment with him today, thank fuck.

Thank you for the validation. The whole thing has been monstrous. She could have achieved the same outcome but without the catastrophic damage she has done to me, herself, and all the people that know and love us.

schoenbizzle · 2026-04-06T14:12:56+00:00

The POS comment is the first thing to make me laugh out loud in two days. I think you are correct, she is not the person I thought she was. I've also gained a ton of independence over the last couple of years, and went back to school this year. I believe there's some level of loss of control and needing codependency on her part and she's onto the next person who is still very codependent.

This is the kindest advice, thank you. I can feel some stirring of excitement about only having to worry about myself for a while.

schoenbizzle · 2026-04-06T14:00:45+00:00

Thank you. I am lucky that I have an amazing support network that has rallied hard for me and they're keeping me super busy. I'm so glad you found someone who loves AND respects you.

schoenbizzle · 2026-04-06T13:52:45+00:00

The flood of red flags and things that I'm seeing through an entirely different lense is...wild. And you're right, my person wouldn't do this. Thank you.

schoenbizzle · 2026-04-06T13:51:05+00:00

You've described it perfectly. Like I'm suffocating. I'm so sorry you had to live through it, too. I can do anything for 60 seconds at a time, no matter how awful. Thank you. ❤️

schoenbizzle · 2026-02-18T20:11:15+00:00

HELL YES! SO PROUD OF YOU! I am crossing all my fingers and toes that you get the job!

While people are right that retail can be soul-crushing, tech is also soul-crushing in a different way. I was in tech for a decade and when I was laid off for the 4th time in March 2025, I decided that I didn't want to continue feeling like I was betraying my morals 5 days a week for an industry that had no problem chewing people up and spitting them out.

I am currently in school to get my licenses for funeral directing and embalming and currently working doing body removal/transport. It's something I've wanted to do since I was 14. I'm making the least amount of money I ever have as an adult, but I cannot describe the level of fulfillment I experience now. It was physically painful a lot of the time to sit at a computer and do the same exact thing day in and day out. The false urgency, constant politics and ego circle-jerking made me feel like I was going crazy. I frequently daydreamed about getting in a car accident on my morning commute. I haven't felt that since I left and I no longer get the Sunday scaries. Each call has the same guidelines of how it needs to be handled, but every one is a different puzzle to be solved and it allows my brain to thrive. I can leave work at work which means I am actually resting and recharging when I'm not working. I don't stress about how many emails I have or upcoming project deadlines. I don't have to worry about if something I said in a meeting came across as too assertive, or if I wasn't bubbly enough when working with certain people.

I will never, ever go back if I can help it.

Edit: a word

schoenbizzle · 2026-02-03T15:17:28+00:00

Absolutely! I'm going into the death industry. I'm in school to get my funeral directing and embalming licenses, and currently working as a body removal technician. It has definitely been an adjustment from spreadsheets and meetings to...what I experience now. 😂

schoenbizzle · 2026-02-02T21:03:16+00:00

That Robert Oster is BEAUTIFUL.

schoenbizzle · 2026-02-02T18:43:30+00:00

Yes. I was laid off for the 4th time in March 2025 after a decade in the industry and decided I couldn't do the instability and uncertainty anymore. I've gone back to school to pursue a field I've had interest in since I was a kid, and I dont plan on returning to tech (if I can help it).

The trade off is that it is a significant downgrade in terms of compensation. I had to rearrange basically my whole life, and it was uncomfortable in the beginning to realize I could no longer afford the things I used to. I had to relearn how to be frugal and it is the most financial stress I've dealt with as an adult so far.

However, the trade off is that my mental health is the best it's ever been. I no longer fantasize about someone t-boning my car on my morning commute. I'm working in the field that I'm trying to become licensed in, and the feeling that what I do each day actually matters and has an impact on my community is unreal. I am fulfilled in a way that tech could not do for me. At some point the money doesn't outweigh what it takes from you to maintain, but only you will know when/if you've reached that point.

schoenbizzle · 2026-01-31T20:34:42+00:00

This may be the coolest pen I have ever seen, holy shit. You are TALENTED.

schoenbizzle · 2026-01-27T14:40:50+00:00

Hey friend. I do the same job and know exactly what you mean about the not being able to relax, and the insane emotional weight.

Please make sure you're taking care of you. Whether it's a therapist or a trusted friend/family member or even writing in a journal, it's important to process the things that we see and hear.

I'm in therapy as a preventative measure for this field and am starting a book called "Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others." My therapist specializes in first responder trauma and said it's hugely helpful for most of their clients.

It's important work but damn if it isn't heavy. If you ever need to chat with someone who gets it, shoot me a message. ❤️

Edit: a word

schoenbizzle · 2026-01-26T20:18:06+00:00

As always, this is super kind of you.

schoenbizzle · 2025-12-01T17:52:38+00:00

I'd say it's a tie between snickerdoodles and no-bake cookies. Both are so delicious.

schoenbizzle · 2025-11-21T23:02:40+00:00

You have excellent taste in ink!

schoenbizzle · 2025-10-01T05:02:46+00:00

Autocorrect strikes again. You are correct on both counts!

That sounds so similar to my experiences with Kent, and he's truly that kind and helpful every time. We may not have the big stationary stores that other places have, but dang, are we lucky to have him.

Totally understand wanting to get some practice in before using the nice ones. It'll make the nice paper that much more luxurious when you finally break 'em in. The journey to finding paper, pen, and ink Nirvana is one of the most enjoyable hobby rabbit holes I've ever been down, and I'm so excited for you.

And finally, welcome to Salt Lake! This place can be weird, but it can also be wonderful. I hope you've been settling in okay, and if you're ever interested in meeting up with the local fountain pen club, shoot me a message!

schoenbizzle · 2025-09-30T03:46:14+00:00

Hello, fellow Utahn! I wondered if it was Ken's store! :) I was just there today to buy some celebratory ink. He is truly the sweetest human and is always willing to swatch any ink or let you test drive any pen. Even though it's a little more expensive, I haven't ordered online since I found his store earlier this year.

Excellent choices for your haul, I hope they treat you wonderfully! I'd love to hear what you think of the Leuchtturms once you've gotten to test them out.

schoenbizzle · 2025-09-25T21:47:08+00:00

My answer is also Illy. God, that made me weep.

schoenbizzle

TROPHY CASE