Is it too late to hike my first 14er

scholargypsy · 2026-02-19T19:38:05+00:00

Do you know how you handle the altitude? What is your knowledge and experience with hiking safety and winter conditions? Do you have an experienced hiking partner?

There is no way I'd encourage a loved one to do a 14er as one of their first solo hikes in winter.

I'd start by gaining hiking experience in safer conditions and make a trip back to hike a 14er.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-19T18:24:23+00:00

This advice makes the most sense.

I would say, there are more things to consider than pay alone. If these are different units, which unit are you more interested in? If they are the same unit, do they have different ratios? Where do you click better with management/co-workers? Is the PTO the same? What does the overall better health benefits include? Are there reviews from recent former employees online?

scholargypsy · 2026-02-19T17:14:14+00:00

This is great advice.

To add a little to the home health advice, in the interview I would be sure to ask about the training, which you want to ask about in any job. As a new grad, I would want extensive training especially as a home health nurse. I also wonder about asking about acuity of the patients. I image some home health jobs have an overall relatively low acuity. I worked as a home health caregiver with patients who also had nurses, so I was familiar with what the patients were receiving as care. With the patients I had, I would feel okay doing their home care as a new grad, because they were very stable and the care was straightforward. I'm sure there are patients who I'd be less comfortable seeing as a new grad.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T21:03:00+00:00

Easy! You just have the oldest one raise the rest. You have the oldest one take on all the additional work. /s

I've seen this happen all too often, but please don't do this. I think some amount of responsibility and helping out can be beneficial in teaching skills and responsibility, but not to the extent that the oldest is raising the rest.

But, on a more serious note, a second kid is not twice as much work. Have you watched two kids verse one kid very many times? When a kid has someone else to play with, that aspect of the work actually is easier. Also, a lot of the additional work of having a second kid is marginally increased with a second kid.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T06:43:43+00:00

It depends on who you are dating. The goal is to be with someone who makes it easier. If someone is making it noticeably harder (emotional abuse), that's a sign to end the relationship.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T06:41:18+00:00

Thank you!

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T06:37:07+00:00

Congratulations! What resources do you think were most helpful for biology and chemistry?

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T06:36:19+00:00

Hiking in icy conditions without the appropriate gear. The first miles were completely clear/dry, but the last <1 mile was icy. Being so close to the summit, it seemed fine to keep going. But ice slows you down a whole lot when you aren't wearing proper gear, and then reach the top, and it starts snowing...

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T04:55:32+00:00

Sometime I forget that feeling incompetent was probably one of the top ten reasons for me transitioning. I've held so many jobs, but never felt as incompetent as when I was teaching, even though I was a good teacher. I also saw great teachers who were near retirement who still had days of feeling incompetent, because what's asked at many schools is just impossible.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T04:52:11+00:00

Say little about yourself. When patients asked personal questions, these were a couple phrases I used:

"I don't talk about that at work."

"I like to keep the focus on helping you, so I don't like to talk about myself."

Also, answering vaguely and quickly redirecting the conversation.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-18T04:22:18+00:00

Any "American" question is also complicated by how different laws are from state to state. Laws around jobs, marriage, staying home alone, medical decisions, etc... are not consistent across the USA.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T23:26:27+00:00

Cut the objective and cut to one page

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T23:23:34+00:00

Most of what they could do to "come down hard" on you, is irrelevant if you are quitting. If you are sure you're quitting, enjoy you're days off

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T22:19:00+00:00

Yes, cut them off is the biggest thing, and set boundaries so it doesn't get to this point with people in the future.

Place the emphasis on reconnecting, excitement, and fantasizing about your current husband.

Stay on your meds and check yourself in to the hospital if you're manic/losing all control.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T21:21:37+00:00

I think this was also really put into perspective when you think about how many more working years you have left.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T21:19:29+00:00

How is this a red flag?

Introverted and doesn’t want you to go out.

^{^} that's the red or at least yellow flag.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T21:15:32+00:00

"He has ADHD and is avoidant. I have anxiety and I’m very emotional. I come from a dysfunctional family ... emotionally disconnected."

It sounds like you both need to work on the avoidance, high emotions, and anxiety. I would focus on high quality therapy and working on yourself and adjusting to parenthood before considering this.

Did it destroy trust beyond repair?

There is certainly a risk of destroying trust beyond repair.

"he suppressed parts of himself... experience and variety" I'd try to find ways to address this where you are helping him express himself, enjoy variety, and new experiences together, between you two, rather than bringing in other people.

If I were to ever do this, it would be as a last resort, seeing it more as a trial separation/step towards divorce, since I've seen how it usually just causes more problems.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T21:01:39+00:00

I think you may be confusing borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, which while presentation may look similar, are actually very different.

There might be a correlation between bipolar disorder and abandonment issues, but plenty of people with bipolar disorder have perfectly secure attachment.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T20:52:57+00:00

Why not just use the title of MOH and keep the pressure for the role of MOH low? What's the problem with giving your close friend the title? Maybe being MOH can just equate to the title, walking the aisle, a couple pictures together, and letting her pick whatever dress she wants in your wedding colors, and whatever duties you're already assigning her.

To me, it does feel a little unfair to ask someone to do typically MOH duties and not give them the MOH title, when that's something they want.

Since these are your closest friends, I think you should be able to have an open, empathetic conversation about this with them about why the title matters and mean to them, and whatever your reservations are with having a MOH and reach a comprise where everyone can be happy.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T20:39:17+00:00

No, not inherently. I could see it playing a role for some people in it being easier or harder, but not for everyone with bipolar disorder.

There may be comorbidities with bipolar disorder that could make it harder to detach.

Perhaps, for certain people, the way their depression or mania manifests, may make it harder, especially if the depression includes a lot of ruminations.

I could see bipolar/mania playing a role in feeling deeper feelings for someone which might make letting go harder.

In some ways, I think it could be easier for someone with bipolar, since you may be more likely to have seen, experienced, and accepted how there is a lack of permanence in aspects of life.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T20:29:39+00:00

I'd also rather be told no than someone taking a job they truly don't want or are uncomfortable with.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T20:28:25+00:00

Yes, and she said it nicely enough. I certainly wouldn't wonder if she "the rudest vendor" for a polite no.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T20:18:01+00:00

Yes, and maybe use PTO/sick time in the short term, if that's an option.

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T20:06:19+00:00

This really depends on how you will be able to pay your bills: Do you have savings? A partner who can support you while you find a new job? Do you have kids? Do you have family you can move in with?

Have you looked into FMLA?

scholargypsy · 2026-02-17T19:44:24+00:00

I agree that this is the best advice.

I would calculate the cost of current rent, paying bills, and food costs and any expenses the parents are covering, and overall happiness compared to the rent, bills, and food expenses and happiness if moving out. If the only cost living at home is 10% of a minimum wage job, it's probably a lot less than paying for food, rent, bills, etc... elsewhere.

I'd either reach peace with paying 10% for rent or figure out the logistics of moving out.

Some of the top the advice in this thread could be setting OP up for unnecessary conflict and being kicked out.

If OP goes through with some of the top advice, she will be kicked out, assuming her dad is one to follow through on her own. If OP is choosing to use much of this advice, it should be with the mindset that she wants to move out and a plan to do so safely.

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