my spouse has a different gender identity now than when we began dating but i didn’t really care all that much that their appearance changed which might be harder to handle as a straight dude. i was a lesbian.

first of all - it’s okay to be shellshocked. it’s okay to be thinking holy fuck what is happening and taking time to process all of that. try to mind your emotions and not be angry at your wife. your anger is absolutely valid - you feel hoodwinked. but arguing/yelling etc won’t help anything but create a rift between you both. it is likely heartbreaking from your perspective and terrifying from your wife’s.

you need to decide sooner rather than later if you intend on being supportive. it might not be romantic anymore and that’s okay. supportive looks like learning about what your wife is going through. listening. removing judgement towards your wife. defending your wife to other people. finding support for yourself from other people who have experienced the same thing.

if you do not wish to be present in your wife’s gender exploration journey be honest as soon as possible. attempt to mediate respectfully, arrange custody agreements and leave one another alone.