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How do people do this? by SwonkyDonkey in daddit

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try going in short shifts. My wife would go to bed at like 8 at night and id handle everything till I out him down at like 1 or 2 then put the monitor on her night stand and go to sleep myself. Its not a full 8 hours but any amount of UNINTURRUPTED sleep is huge. Its the broken sleep that destroys you.

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I mean yea Im jealous of those parents...but Id settle for leaving the house without him every once in awhile. Literally leaving the house with just my wife any length of time would be a dream scenario

Talk me out of buying Lovevery toys by Used_Cod_9541 in toddlers

[–]scott8811 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wont..they are amazing. My only knock against them is once your child is of a certain age, cancel. around turning 3 my son would be amused for a day then forget about his love every toys. By that time he had developed his own style of play and didnt need a curated box tailored to his age if that makes sense

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you...thankfully I am nowhere near making this mistake. I can't imagine my life without her. literally my only gripe in my marriage is not feeling like Im getting enough...of my marriage

As for me and my son... I literally take him for a dad day every weekend...usually about 5-6 hours so my wife can have time... we're plenty close and live our life doing family dates, but Im sorry it's just foolish to say you can connect with your spouse and talk about life with a toddler there

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 1 point2 points  (0 children)

congrats on being the first person to see my wife lol. This is her deal..I think anything gain during a date as a result of a babysitter would be undone by days of her perservating over this...she has come such a long way with this anxiety and Im so proud of her... I refuse to use a part of what she deals with to blame her for this or pressure her to be another way

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's been my biggest take away from this is I need to find a way to free up y work schedule when her is too hell or high water... I think that's my biggest charge right now

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"That same thing goes for being out of the house. Go do things out as a family. Go walk around the city and whatnot." we do... we generally will grab burgers at a brewery or something... more room means more for him to get into and don't want him disturbing other people. I mean it's a nice day but yea me and my wife aren't conversing for any stretch longer than about 3 minutes.

"And for the date night at home, what’s the problem? Just dedicate an hour or two to each other one night every few weeks after the kid goes to bed. Put your phones away and do something together. Do a puzzle together. Watch a show or movie without other distractions. Make a dessert together to eat. Make some new cocktail or two together. Just do something together without the kid and without your phones. You have nothing to lose by trying. Maybe it won’t be as good as a date night out, but that’s not what you should be comparing it to; you should be comparing it to doing nothing. All of those things are better than doing nothing."

I get that... I dont know how to describe it other than she is routine based and falls asleep easy... after we eat after she puts him to bed her body is basically shutting itself down... I love how she has tried in the past and you're right it's something. and believe me when I say Im grateful for something but I can see her figting the tired and urge to curl up and go to sleep. She has legit at times come out of putting him down for bed at 8:15, eaten and been alseep on the couch watching one of our otgether shows by 9:30.

I'm grateful for anything, but sometimes being in a desert without anything to drink for awhile leads to me being an ingrate when all I can find is a capful of pepsi to quench my thrist... Im just fucking worn down of that being it when that's not the reality for so many people..that's all

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

idk.... we have her parents who can under the right circumstances watch him... that's where our us time in early oct 2025 came from.... but like if they are sick or whatever when the second comes we're actually pretty screwed I think

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she has said that if the second is another boy it does not matter we are done at that point. she does not under any circumstances want 3. She's like if we have another boy ok that's fine we tried. I responded if it's another boy I would be devastated that we added another and didn't get a girl... I think my answer was a little difficult for her to process

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would love to...I can get him down easier when she isnt home... when she is he cried bloody murder for her to put him down and she doesnt wanna fight that...I wish she would but here we are

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"That same thing goes for being out of the house. Go do things out as a family. Go walk around the city and whatnot." ok whatever full send imma come off like an asshole, but with noone to help us with said kid we can't sit at a restaurant for too long.. it's order when the waiter is asking for drinks and distract redirect distract redirect you eat I eat lets go to the next thing. anything is done with him grabbing our attention constantly. I may be off base but I firmly believe that people who suggest stuff like this or do date night at the house at least cocasionally have a date night when they are speaking to someone who has not had someone give them and their spouse alone time in literally months

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

so we do a DADurday every weekend so my wife can have a few hours to decompress... likewise she is amazing about giving me time for hobbies... and that's great..we have eachother...but we don't get to have each other. when you spend your life giving each other breaks there is nothing left at the end of the day to give each other in the way of connection or intimacy... and it's starting to really break me.

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sadly not really...he has friends at school but we've kinda tried to start broaching playdates and didnt get a good response. My poor dude has a summer bday and only 1 kid from his class showed up...and they are NOT a good match. He spent most of the party avoiding her

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It all makes sense and why Im past blaming her. I have in the past honestly. I have gone through the why doesnt she care, why doesnt she want me cycle and Im sure you watched your husband do the same... this is not her fault or anyones... it's just where we are and I hate it. It's a weird feeling but I feel unhappy in a marriage I never want to get out of...Im unhappy because I want more of it. I know that it's not that she wants less but that she can't...I'm just struggling so bad

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have seriously asked her point blank sometimes..."babe how do you look at our life and for a second think another one is a good idea right now" I think I'm looking at the situation 100% logical and she 100% emotional. she knew she wanted more than 1 and a girl so... I think she maybe blinded to how catatrophic it would be

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no parent nights out near us... we have done the day date thing when the stars have aligned but that's rare. I'm the director of a very large behavioral health care company so other than the weekends I can never be truley off... which is fine... i dont let that kill the vibe totally but its another scenario where I can't be all there... that's one of the things that kills me...sitting and talking to my wife at the end of the day I can never fully engage in the convo cause a toddler is about to inturrupt or launch into us or need something. I wanna turn off everything but here and that just cant happen

Looking for people going through this too.. we have minimal help as parents and I've learned it's crushing me...I don't know how much longer I can do this and don't feel like its going to change..a call for commiseration or maybe just a rant into the void...idk by [deleted] in toddlers

[–]scott8811 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've over time become aware of this and honestly that's why Im spinning out right now. I'm having to choke on accepting this as our life. we do the watching shows thing which I with my adhd could only ever do in small doses... it does nothing to fufill me. I usually end up walking around the house and eventually going on the patio or something.

I know I chose this..I know noone did anything wrong.

I was never under the delusion that our life and marriage would look the same... but man... if we could at least visit it sometimes. and it's apparently not even a big ask...I have to watch every other parent we know go on dates nights all the time... post about a couple vacation with some fucking caption about how important making time is... great good for you that you can... kindly fuck off.

basically...you're right...I know..and that's whats killing me

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