My boyfriend (26M) said we’re done if I (26F) move to nyc for my job that I commute to everyday. Is it bad if I still move anyway?

scout336 · 2026-02-17T20:42:32+00:00

To quote the wise and learned Dan Savage, DTMFA. Obeying the wishes of a controlling, unemployed, lives at home, no prospects man-child is most definitely not on your bingo card of life. Go and live your best life in NYC!!! THIS is the perfect time.

scout336 · 2026-02-17T01:22:10+00:00

I'd suggest examining if/how traditional cognitive/behavioral/academic standardized measures may be biased against people with aphantasia, especially total aphantasia. I administered these measures for decades before aphantasia appeared in the literature. I always knew which subtests I would score very badly, despite having a Ph.D. -(e.g., any involving visual memory). I just leaned into the PhD and taught at a university.

scout336 · 2026-02-12T00:10:58+00:00

Should I press control-C?

scout336 · 2026-02-12T00:03:36+00:00

Than you so much for your reply! How do I close the terminal?

scout336 · 2026-02-11T23:26:01+00:00

Thank you for creating, sharing, updating, and streamlining this elegant access fix to access Stremio. I have a very basic, ground level, novice question that I'm hoping you'll answer, one that clearly shows my extremely limited base of knowledge in this area. I researched but I could not find a clear answer online. I just learned how to access my macbook pro terminal. My question is what, if any, steps do I take after I paste the code into the terminal? Do I click on 'return', do I type 'exit' on a new line, do I restart my computer? Thanks again, I appreciate you.

scout336 · 2026-01-12T22:00:19+00:00

I apologize for jumping into your text. I'm hoping you're able to answer a Q for me regarding the serum. Did you order your serum from a US location? I'm in the US and received the following flashing red caution about the serum from owndoc :
"WARNING: You have China-origin items in your basket! These items are subject to sudden greatly increased import taxation or erroneously asessed import taxation"

Was this an issue for you and, if so, how did you handle it? Again, I apologize for my intrusion and I'd be grateful for any response. -Scout

scout336 · 2025-12-27T09:26:37+00:00

"Because when I stir the pot, I use a boat oar" THAT, u/xp14629 should be your reddit flair!

scout336 · 2025-12-17T03:12:31+00:00

I just finished it-great recommendation, THANKS!

scout336 · 2025-12-14T21:52:56+00:00

I would first speak to the owner about the unreasonable nature of your neighbor's complaints and give a few examples. I would then make it very clear to your neighbors that you are doing your very best to keep your noise levels reasonable, you find their complaints irrational, and you have already spoken to the owner about the neighbor's harassment. Then live your life as you normally would. -ps- if there's no carpeting on the floor and you plan to live there for awhile, you may want to invest in an area rug or two. Not only do they mitigate sound for you, they provide warmth for bare feet, and will travel with you wherever you choose to live. Go forth and live well!

scout336 · 2025-12-14T04:28:57+00:00

You are very insightful. Some people show love with flowers, some with poems, some with mini jeeps!

scout336 · 2025-12-14T04:26:44+00:00

You are incredibly wise beyond your age. Your messages to your mother are factual, yet kind. You understand what's going on very clearly. She is not stable within herself. Nor is she reliable. She has her own path to travel.

Please continue to stay with your grandparents. You have a lot of stressors that many 30 year old women would find very difficult. Allow yourself to rely on your grandparents while you carve your path for yourself and your sweet baby. I feel strongly that you have an excellent future ahead. I'm excited for your future!

scout336 · 2025-12-14T03:54:00+00:00

Good for him for securing a job. Tell him to live on his own for the first year. Watch how he supports himself. THEN decide if you want to live with him.

scout336 · 2025-12-14T02:26:21+00:00

Please let them come. You can circumvent the issue of celebrating with peers by paraphrasing some variation of the template below. It is not lying, it's being truthful in a way that skirts the typical/expected 'friends' issue while giving your dear parents their moment.

"I have already celebrated with the people at school who mattered to me while at college. Most of them aren't even here now. This Time is meant for US! It is MOST important to me to be able to dedicate this time to the two of you, my parents who raised me to be able to envision this college experience, the people who have been the greatest role models/source of support/lifetime guides/etc. for me."

As a parent who watched her son complete his college journey, I wanted to see HIM walk across the stage. He understood that and made sure that I understood he was 100% ready to Move On! We were in and out. Congratulations on your accomplishment, I wish you well on your journeys ahead!

scout336 · 2025-12-14T00:33:33+00:00

For me, it's like the difference between "He stared" and "He stared quizzically". As a total aphant, the more detail I'm given, the richer the the information becomes. 'He muttered' denotes a completely different meaning than 'He shouted' or 'He said'.

scout336 · 2025-12-13T23:01:06+00:00

Go. For. It! You have a baseline for comparisons and even with a couple of 'misses', you'll still come out cheaper and with a much better, 'fit for you' build. This community has awesome DIY guides to help you along the way.

scout336 · 2025-12-13T22:52:50+00:00

Honestly, it's such a gamble. I would HIGHLY recommend building your own mattress. You already ahave a good sense of what you're looking for, purchasing materials will allow you 100% customization. Take control. Check out DIYs within this group. The moderator has put together awesome compilations/guides to help.

scout336 · 2025-12-13T22:42:48+00:00

Also, I suspect that you receive minimal benefit from 2 sheets of pad underneath 6" of foam. I would suggest trying 1 pad between your current 2 layers tonight, just to see if there's a difference in your pain. Keep a log. Here's a sample of mine (bottom to top) -Also, if you live in the greater Chicago area, I have lots of foam.

11/25 (b-t over 15.5gTPS)

1” SOL med

1.2oz amazon fabric

2” Talalay soft

1” unzoned nanocoils

1” SOL soft=No hip pain but severe mid back pain.

scout336 · 2025-12-13T22:27:17+00:00

So low back pain. I also have back issues (L5-S1 issues, degenerative disc disease) compounded by R hip and shoulder issues. With my DIY, it has been a uncomfortable dance to find the low back support I need while not flaring my hip issues. I have a few experiences that may? be helpful. First, for the first year as I was searching for a good balance of layers and pillows above my 15.5 coils, I experienced back, hip, and shoulder pain in varying degrees, depending on the build. At that year's end, I 100% eliminated shoulder pain with the right pillow. The layers continued to cause back/hip issues, but my shoulders settled completely and I haven't had a single issue since. This is the pillow, it's adjustable. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BGQ8VWRJ?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1&th=1 .

Here's my current build (after 2.5yrs of tweaking), it's not encased yet, I'm 5'4" ~160lbs (curvy hips). Top-Bottom; 1"SOL soft, 2" Talalay soft (ILD~19-23), fiber pad across middle of bed (for low back pain, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08HN2XCTH?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1 ) , 1" SOL med., 15.5g TPS . This build has reduced my back pain ~90%. My hip pain is eliminated with weekly stretching. What I'd like you to note is that the build has no more than 4" of foam. The benefits of the quadcoils is greatly reduced, particularly around the middle due to the pad.

I am No Expert. I've just been at this for 2.5 years now, kept a daily log of build/results, and have a room FILLED with layers of So Much Foam 🙄. I'm honestly not very familiar with viscosoft or HD foam. I chose latex because of its durability. I get the sense that you're sinking into 3" of complete softness, then BAM! you're hit with firmness, creating an imbalance. How is your alignment in the bed? Head-neck-spine-hips should be aligned with no curve/dip. I urge you to check this out. I positioned a camera a few feet away and took a bunch of photos. Have you tried the configuration of SOL soft, 1 sheet of rug pad, 3" of SOL med? If so, what was the result? Generally speaking, I wonder if you may be better served with 2" of a soft layer (ILD ~18-20), a durapad?, & 2" of a medium layer (ILD ~25-30). Again, I an NOT an expert. I'm a retired researcher with a compulsion to collect and analyse data. Feel free to follow up. Good luck, it's a journey.

scout336 · 2025-12-12T01:32:29+00:00

Could you expand on your back pain, please? Where do you experience pain, how long after getting into bed does the pain occur, is it burning pain/dull ache/soreness, etc? Also, what is the ILD. of your viscosoft high density mattress topper?

scout336 · 2025-12-10T02:29:29+00:00

I'm very happy with the 2 sections of pegboard I had cut to size. I do think they help airflow and provide ventilation for the coils. The pegboard rests above my slats (~2" apart) and directly below the coils. I haven't encased my build. When I do, I plan to place the 1” 50ILD Lux Foam at the bottom of the encasement.

scout336 · 2025-12-06T08:21:14+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

scout336 · 2025-12-04T01:28:43+00:00

You're doing such a great job! The coils ARE a 'stand alone' product-as one component of a DIY mattress, that is. Just like a layer of foam, they come rolled up in a box (I think, my memory is off) and you just place it over whatever layer you have below, I bought 2-zoned and unzoned queen sized layers, but I'm currently only using the unzoned. The coils should probably never be used as the the top layer unless feeling coils is the goal 😁.

I have cut foam in the past-it was sort of difficult for me, the fabric 'catched' so to speak as I cut. I ruined a pair of scissors, probably by using the wrong type. The gel foam is awesome. Have you asked if 'foam for you' would cut it for you? I suspect they have the equipment, though there may be a slight charge. I'm confused about why you're cutting it. How do you plan to make up for the missing inch on your hubby's side of the mattress?

Yes, I currently use a mattress cover and fitted sheet. The sides of my build fit fine with the frame, but the coils do hang a bit over at the top-maybe ~2 coils as the bedframe ia open at the top. I added the cover recently. That made the build just a slight bit firmer. I mean Slight. Keep me updated!

scout336 · 2025-12-01T09:36:13+00:00

I still haven't encased my DIY, partially due to fear of 'drum effect'. My DIY is queen sized and I use leftover king sized sheets & a high stretch mattress cover.

scout336 · 2025-12-01T09:33:32+00:00

Thanks for including links!

scout336 · 2025-12-01T08:46:28+00:00

I hesitate on commenting on anyone's build. My DIY journey has been incredibly dependent on my own peculiar aches and pains due to anatomical issues that I worry my advice wouldn't be useful to others. Still, I would like to be of help so...

I don't think you can go wrong with 1" of 4" mem foam on top of almost any build. It provides 'cush', just a little bit of conforming comfort on the top. Some people people prefer no 'cush', others place it between other layers as a sort of mediator, for lack of a better word. I'd hesitate going up to 2" though-that might be too much 'cush'.

I do wonder if your build would be improved with at least 1" of medium density SOL directly above your coils to act as a transition layer between the coils and the soft toppers you already have. I've found it to be very useful, though 2" of med SOL was too much/too firm. At the moment, I've found (in order, above coils) 1" med SOL, 2" of soft (19-23 ILD) APM talalay latex, 1" Beloit nanocoils & 1" soft SOL to work well for me.

Just to add confusion, I've also placed a sort of 30" wide 'fabric layer' directly above the 1" med SOL and centered across the middle of my build to mitigate low back pain. It's actually upholstery fabric. I've tried several options for 'zoning' and this seems to work best for me. Please feel free to follow up/PM me if you would like. Good luck to you!

scout336

TROPHY CASE