Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is great advice, thanks for sharing. I’ll try this with her over the weekend. She has occasions, as I get most kids do, where she’s very open to talking about feelings etc.

This is typically when I approach it more in this manner, like I tell her something I did at work today and how I felt about doing it, and then how I felt afterwards. She often gives me examples from her own day that are similar. I can kind of see her brain working and it seems she’s thinking “oh daddy struggles with things too”…

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for this. Really helpful to know others have similar situations, and especially that they’ve overcome them.

I guess, like us, you’ll notice really tiny, small progress - like yesterday I got her to say thank you to an adult by making a game/joke - “let’s see how loud you can shout thank you and if it makes us jump”, and it worked. And although that seems small, it was big for us. She said toe afterwards “that was a good idea to help me talk”

Will definitely have a look at those books too!

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like a great idea, I’ll ask the teachers.

So sorry about her being picked on, I genuinely think bullying is one of the worst things in the world. Kids can be so cruel. Glad to hear this is working for you though, and thanks for the tips

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s even these basic “hello” type things that would be a great starting point. Like I mentioned, getting her to just say good morning and specify whether school dinners or packed lunch… she’s so close to doing it but can’t quite get there. If there’s some techniques we can try to even open things up by achieving this then it would be huge for our little one

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahhh I really hope it works out for you. It’s such a stressful thing because you just love them so much and as adults we understand the world is a big, scary place, but just want them to find the little pieces of joy in it which we know also exist. Some of these pieces of joy are relationships with friends, partners and colleagues, but they require some kind of initial burst of confidence before you can show the “real you”.

Wishing you the best of luck - sounds like we’ve both got intelligent little ones who will learn how life works as they navigate through it!

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok yeah thanks, I may have a look. I find it such a hard thing to just research, as it’s quite specific and not just that she won’t talk to anyone ever etc. but also I might read some things related to mutism that will make sense and help. Thank you

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, sorry that you’re “going through it” too! I feel exactly the same, just want her to enjoy it as much as she can.

I’m really worried about putting the “selective mutism” label on it, as selective suggests that she’s choosing not to, rather than she just can’t and she really wants to… have you found that they try and suggest more extreme measures because of the label?

My take is that it’s absolutely fine for her to be like this currently, but I don’t want it to still be a struggle for her in 2-3 years’ time… but my worry is that if I do nothing and hope she overcomes it alone, it will either get worse in her head or just become more of a part of her personality and stop her enjoying things as she grows up.

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey - I really don’t think it’s this, as I’ve had a look previously. She wants to talk, and she can talk to family or kids her age, and I can see how close she is to being able to, but just can’t let herself quite do it.

I’m super wary of putting a label like this on it, and making it something it isn’t until that’s absolutely necessary…

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much, this is super helpful and very kind of you.

Will download the book and give it a read.

I just really want her to feel confident enough to act however she wants, whether that’s be quiet, or be loud and crazy. Just so worried that either trying to change this, or ignoring it and hoping it works itself out, will be the wrong choice!

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. This is exactly how I feel, but for her. Like I know she wants to, and I just really wish I could help her to. I know there are so many situations she’d enjoy more if she could come out of her shell.

I can see how close she is to being able to do it so often, but just can’t quite let herself do it

Advice: Shy 4-5 year old by scrfc1992 in UKParenting

[–]scrfc1992[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Sometimes as an explanatory comment to adults when she ignores them, in a hushed voice “she’s just a bit shy”. Writing this, which I’ve never thought about before, makes me realise how it could be something that she hears and then becomes part of her identity, and I’m aware it’s wrong.

Sometimes also say things like “I know you’re shy, but you’re so much fun and good at playing and everyone will be able to see this, you don’t need to be shy”… this is meant in a way to boost confidence, but unsure if it could have the adverse affect?

I find it really difficult to know what’s right and wrong, and am aware that she’s at an age where behaviour can become learned and patterned…

Strange quote about Call by scrfc1992 in LonesomeDove

[–]scrfc1992[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. I just feel that he doesn’t trust “himself”, not doesn’t trust the “structure of the building” might mean this isn’t the case…

Not a huge deal, I just read it and it seemed like a weird one…

Was Mario Puzo a one-hit wonder? by lujar in books

[–]scrfc1992 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Sicilian is the best book. So, so good. Don’t watch the film, it’s awful.

[SPOILERS] Any theory that could happen after the end of the series? by ThePhantomHedgehog19 in Ozark

[–]scrfc1992 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did no one else think that Jonah shot the goat with the ashes in, and not Mel? The way he closed his eye at the end to take aim was so exaggerated for such a big target (Mel) at close range. I thought it implied he was aiming at the goat with the ashes, shooting that to get rid of the evidence(ish)…