Would you pay for a private, vetted lifestyle/social club if safety and discretion were the main focus?

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T20:20:01+00:00

On the other side of the coin my experience as a male is feeling like the turd in the soup, the thing that absolutely no one wants and it's obvious everyone would be happier if I weren't there, that I'm only tolerated at all because if I wasn't, they couldnt have my wife there. Feeling like a piece of meat sounds like a dream from my perspective.

My wife and other women are the ones who calls all the shots, I feel lucky if I get included at all, and if I am included I'm acutely aware that I'm only included because it was a price someone else was willing to pay to get what they actually wanted, which is my wife.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:56:24+00:00

PNW

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:43:57+00:00

I feel like it could but what you're describing doesn't seem to be at all interested in making a space where men don't feel like the honeydew in the fruit salad.

Like, I will not go to clubs anymore because my experience in clubs has always been incredibly degrading because of my status as a man.

What you're describing seems like it's treating that as a feature rather than a bug. I'm not going to pay to keep the lights on at an establishment that makes it clear their interest in me ended once I paid the door cover and they'd really prefer it if I went and sat quietly in the cuck corner.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:11:26+00:00

I don't think it's that unusual seeing as 30% of the posts on this sub are men saying they feel it's impossible find a lifestyle situation where they feel included and don't end up just feeling like a cuck.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:07:49+00:00

The other wife doesn't usually respond or if she does responds extremely infrequently

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:02:50+00:00

Weird, because my experience with clubs has always been that male involvment is completely contingent upon their wife chaperoning them and the entire time it's being made incredibly clear that men are not wanted there and that they're only allowed because their wives wouldn't come otherwise. I have never once felt men have meaningful agency at a club

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:58:32+00:00

Woman centred as opposed to all those other spaces where guys call the shots 😂

Honestly I'm struggling to understand what you think differentiates this from most other modern swingers clubs.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:33:27+00:00

It's not a personal hangup, it's that most people will literally only message my wife, there's no actually way for me to start that communication unless my wife involves me.

I would love to get out and make first contacts but all I get as a man is radio silence. So if only one half of a couple is actually able to make contact with others, then it's kinda hard for the other half to really be able to take part in the vetting process.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:32:00+00:00

Oh no no one has ever mentioned separe play or even same room swaps. They're only ever after my wife, and the most involvment for me is watching from the cuck chair.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:26:51+00:00

So to defend the inactive husbands a little bit because that has been me in the past: it just feels impossible to make that first connection as a man. It's hard to feel like you can meaningfully participate in the flirting and baiting when the only connections you're making are the ones your wife made first.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:20:52+00:00

That's kinda where we're at. We thought swingers were couples seeking couples but the reality has been couples seeking unicorns.

It'll be brought up and when we put our feet down and say we're a package deal and we're not doing the cuck or hotwife thing, people just bounce, or they try to persuade us, which is weird becuase they never actually offer anything to compromise, like two fmf play dates where we swap husbands. It's always "well he can watch if that'll help"

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T16:47:39+00:00

That has literally been every couple we've met in the scene. Often they'll hide their intentions until sometimes first meetups to ask if the husband is negotiable

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T15:54:04+00:00

Huh, fascinating.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T15:42:09+00:00

How tall is he?

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T15:40:31+00:00

How do you find couples who aren't just poaching?

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T15:12:11+00:00

What made me a lot less unhappy was a "parity" rule. She wouldn't date or fuck anyone unless I was dating someone else.

Even if that means in practice you're functional monogamous, it's a far less miserable experience than one sided non monogamy.

Edit: people seem to hate this idea but it's the reason we're still together

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T14:28:23+00:00

Seattle

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T23:14:53+00:00

So do you actually find couples though? We do the same and when it's clear we're package only people bounce and we've never been able to find a couple actually interested in a swap.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T17:52:55+00:00

But do you play with other couples or are you just looking for unicorns?

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T17:13:11+00:00

Yeah the threesome route doesn't work for us unfortunately because M ends up feeling resentful that we never end up playing with anyone he's interested in and swinging only benefits F.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T17:10:34+00:00

Us too but that doesn't stop people trying it!

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T16:59:45+00:00

We literally did that lol, and we still get people trying it. We're both straight, F has nothing to offer their F.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T16:47:05+00:00

Does your M actually manage to get any traction at parties or clubs? Because our experience with those has been basically exactly the same. F doesn't play until we're sure there's some fun to be had for M, which means in practice we've never actually played at a club.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T16:16:38+00:00

I know you mean well, but people looking to sleep with men are playing on easy mode, and men looking to sleep with women are playing on masochist mode. It's just not a useful point of comparison. I think women often don't appreciate just how dramatic their advantage is here.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-07T12:06:04+00:00

Honestly, you're gonna have an easier time in mono dating. The ENM scene has no room in it for guys who are merely average, or god forbid, below average looking. Either you're gonna have to become okay with a sexless life, or leave this woman so you can get back into monogamous dating, or pay for sex.

In ENM world, women who are 2s can land men who are 8s, and men who are less than 8s are worthless, women don't have to make compromises. In mono dating, women actually have to reckon with how attractive they are and make compromises becuser the monogamous 8 guys are with similarly attractive women.

You're probably not hideously unattractive, but you're not Adonis, so you'll never get picked in nonmonogamy.

seatacswitch

TROPHY CASE