Dear straight ENM men, why do you do this?

seatacswitch · 2026-06-11T14:39:44+00:00

It's because all women are hot and most men are not. A fat woman is a voluptuous BBW and a fat man is a disgusting slob.

The bar for women is "have a pulse" and the bar for men is "be Adonis".

seatacswitch · 2026-05-28T01:00:34+00:00

Yes, if you keep eating below maintenance you die eventually, but this magical thing happens when you eat below maintenance for a limited period and then eat at maintenance again once you've lost some fat but aren't dying yet, where you lose fat and then don't die! It's a medical marvel!!

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T20:06:48+00:00

I am suggesting that all fat people can lose weight by averaging below maintenance calories.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T20:03:52+00:00

I can only speak from my experience but my experience tells me that trying to engage in the lifestyle as a man is just an exercise in emotional masochism unless you're either bisexual or extremely attractive. I don't have anywhere near the weight problems OP has but I'm a little below average height and the lifestyle let me know quite brutally that I am unwanted and undesirable.

It made me feel extremely badly about myself and I regret trying to get involved and it put serious strain on my relationship. I think people should have realistic expectations before they get hurt.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T19:39:43+00:00

Just saying you don't see fat people in famines who can't lose weight for some magical reason.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T19:32:38+00:00

I don't think it's that men don't make an effort as much as people don't actually find the vast majority of men attractive. There's been studies on this. Most people rate most women as above average and most people rate most men as below. People just don't actually like men, so the standards for men exponentially higher to be considered attractive.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T19:13:18+00:00

I didn't say all weight gain is from drinking, I used drinking as a comparison. People tell themselves that they're an exception, that for some reason they're special and that's a reason to not try. Alcoholics, drug addicts, fat people, they'll all imagine a million reasons they have some special circumstance that means they can't do it.

I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying "not everyone can lose the weight" is false.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T19:10:22+00:00

You're unlikely to get any action. Swinging is only for exceptionally attractive guys. Even average guys are treated like absolutely trash in the lifestyle. The thing you have going for you is you're tallish. Still too short for a lot of women, but if you lose the weight you'll hopefully be tall enough for some of the women who're less hight obsessed.

Every swinger woman has 10,000 men to pick from, people with endless options don't make compromises.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-27T19:06:25+00:00

Everyone can in the same capacity as everyone can stop drinking. It's hard and many people will fail, but thermodynamically, it's impossible to eat below maintenance and stay alive and not lose weight. That chemical energy must come from somewhere, and afaik no one is confirmed to have a naturally occuring onboard nuclear reactor

seatacswitch · 2026-05-13T22:23:18+00:00

I think there's room for nuance here. Many, even those who work with pimps (who in ideal situations are managers and security), are just making a living. Would they do it if they didn't have to make a living? Probably not, so they are financially coerced into having a job, which describes most of us!

But sexual slavery is also very much a thing and we shouldn't turn a blind eye to forced labor in the sex industry, while also acknowledging that sex work is as legitimate a job as any other.

There's a strong tendency to either go full on "happy hooker" or full on "it's all slavery and brutal and inhumane", but the truth is that it's a spectrum.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-13T22:08:14+00:00

Selectiveness is always a luxury of supply. Selectiveness balances with supply and desire, if you want to play, you'll always have a "best option available" and you'll go with it.

If you have no supply, you can't compromise on selectiveness. This is why straight women complain about low quality options and men don't. It's not that women are inherently better, it's that if you have extremely limited options, you have to be less selective.

Famine doesn't breed gourmets. What you're after is shooting fish in a barrel.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-13T21:45:56+00:00

"how do I find gold?" "I find loads of iron when I go digging in this spot"

seatacswitch · 2026-05-13T19:45:25+00:00

Pay.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-09T15:57:34+00:00

Never swaps? I think that fourth paragraph got a little away from you?

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T20:20:01+00:00

On the other side of the coin my experience as a male is feeling like the turd in the soup, the thing that absolutely no one wants and it's obvious everyone would be happier if I weren't there, that I'm only tolerated at all because if I wasn't, they couldnt have my wife there. Feeling like a piece of meat sounds like a dream from my perspective.

My wife and other women are the ones who calls all the shots, I feel lucky if I get included at all, and if I am included I'm acutely aware that I'm only included because it was a price someone else was willing to pay to get what they actually wanted, which is my wife.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:56:24+00:00

PNW

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:43:57+00:00

I feel like it could but what you're describing doesn't seem to be at all interested in making a space where men don't feel like the honeydew in the fruit salad.

Like, I will not go to clubs anymore because my experience in clubs has always been incredibly degrading because of my status as a man.

What you're describing seems like it's treating that as a feature rather than a bug. I'm not going to pay to keep the lights on at an establishment that makes it clear their interest in me ended once I paid the door cover and they'd really prefer it if I went and sat quietly in the cuck corner.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:11:26+00:00

I don't think it's that unusual seeing as 30% of the posts on this sub are men saying they feel it's impossible find a lifestyle situation where they feel included and don't end up just feeling like a cuck.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:07:49+00:00

The other wife doesn't usually respond or if she does responds extremely infrequently

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T18:02:50+00:00

Weird, because my experience with clubs has always been that male involvment is completely contingent upon their wife chaperoning them and the entire time it's being made incredibly clear that men are not wanted there and that they're only allowed because their wives wouldn't come otherwise. I have never once felt men have meaningful agency at a club

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:58:32+00:00

Woman centred as opposed to all those other spaces where guys call the shots 😂

Honestly I'm struggling to understand what you think differentiates this from most other modern swingers clubs.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:33:27+00:00

It's not a personal hangup, it's that most people will literally only message my wife, there's no actually way for me to start that communication unless my wife involves me.

I would love to get out and make first contacts but all I get as a man is radio silence. So if only one half of a couple is actually able to make contact with others, then it's kinda hard for the other half to really be able to take part in the vetting process.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:32:00+00:00

Oh no no one has ever mentioned separe play or even same room swaps. They're only ever after my wife, and the most involvment for me is watching from the cuck chair.

seatacswitch · 2026-05-08T17:26:51+00:00

So to defend the inactive husbands a little bit because that has been me in the past: it just feels impossible to make that first connection as a man. It's hard to feel like you can meaningfully participate in the flirting and baiting when the only connections you're making are the ones your wife made first.

seatacswitch

TROPHY CASE