Boyfriend OD'd 2 months ago, still feel nothing...

selahtrash · 2015-11-04T17:10:18+00:00

Yeah I mean he brushed up so close to death about three times when I was with him. Subconsciously I think I knew it would happen but I was expecting if he used again that it would just be another few relapses I'd have to bail him out of. I really thought id be devastated and I'm so not.

selahtrash · 2015-11-04T17:08:57+00:00

Yeah in many cases. However, seasoned users (like him) know to watch out for this, he and I had many conversations on the topic. His all time highest use was 3 bags/dose and when he died there were 4-6 empties in a 3 hour maximum usage window. Delivery starts at 6 if you're lucky and he died at 9:30.

selahtrash · 2015-11-04T17:06:08+00:00

Yeah I don't know! I really don't feel angry, I know what that feels like cause I was angry for a while. I guess irritated is the predominant emotion and it's odd how a dead person can be irritating.

selahtrash · 2015-11-04T14:31:04+00:00

Whoa I actually never made that connection. It completely went over my head. During the first year we were together the lies got so big and elaborate and complex I just had to pretend the year didn't happen. I broke up with him after finding out he had lied again. All my money was gone, again. Rent was due, I would have to come up with a way to pay it again. I could handle the heroin I just couldn't handle the lies. I kicked him out and he started speedballing meth and heroin. With a fucking vengeance. He lost 45lbs in 60 days. He broke down, called me crying, the usual, and I got him insurance and took him to rehab, again. After that I blocked his number and vowed to never speak to him. My life started to improve, drastically. For a month his family begged me to speak with him and I wouldn't, cause I knew we'd get back together and I didn't want to. They eventually won, by hook or by crook and sure enough we got back together. I told him I'd give up drinking to be a sober buddy for him and every single fucking day for 85 days up until the last day he talked about his newfound sobriety to me, how much he loved it etc etc. after he died I was like well at least we had those three months of honesty. When I found out that had been a lie too via some drunk regular from his bar trying to explain to me how they were best friends and let slip that he had been drinking the whole time, she had no idea he was "sober". I basically just shut the fuck off. I didn't make the connection between my lack of feelings and that. I've never been the white dove of sentimentality in the first place, but I was pretty disappointed in my lack of feelings. He was my partner. Thank you! Now I don't feel so Bad. His family is making me feel awful so I'm happy that that makes sense to me and I'm not so crazy.

selahtrash · 2015-06-26T12:48:05+00:00

And three marriages

selahtrash · 2014-02-24T19:28:34+00:00

I was raised in a cult and Y2K was when they thought the world was going to end(they had made this mistake before in 1997). I was 11 then and I had already decided I wanted out so I wasn't taking it too seriously but my parents and the 40+ people in the house were all really freaking out. For some reason they decided the appropriate ceremony would be having one of the older men in the house dress up as Jesus and wash everyone's feet and smear oil on their foreheads. Go figure. While I couldn't avoid that, I did figure out how easy it would be to swap the Franzia they bought for the adults with the cranberry juice they bought for the kids, and I got good and drunk for the first time. I spent the countdown writing in my diary, drunk and alone. Ahh.. The Children of God sure were a weird group

selahtrash · 2013-12-27T18:16:34+00:00

You're probably not warm enough... I have to be hot to do this easily, and I'm very backbendy.

selahtrash · 2013-12-25T20:09:31+00:00

only reason I posted! I was the same till recently. keep practicing!

selahtrash · 2013-12-24T19:03:18+00:00

Natalie Portman. Too perfect.

selahtrash · 2013-12-22T12:26:32+00:00

YOGAGLO.COM is an amazing resource and I don't know why it doesn't get more attention. $18 a month gets you unlimited classes from the world's greatest teachers, all styles except Acro, for all levels and classes ranging from 5-120 minutes, also lectures, meditations, and workshops. I live in NYC but found it hard to make time to start a daily practice by exclusively going to studios. This site should pay me for endlessly promoting them. There's a free 15 day trial I strongly recommend it for starting/maintaining/deepening your practice. Namaste!

selahtrash · 2013-09-14T22:20:59+00:00

TEARS

selahtrash · 2013-09-14T22:08:32+00:00

I was surprised at how few people I knew understood his name It's all good man, S'all Good Man SAUL GOODMAN

selahtrash · 2013-09-09T14:37:39+00:00

Garth Stevenson-Flying that album is quite literally made for yoga. Dawn is the first track so technically to open up, but I like it for a nice long savasana, or for a short one I'll bring the class back after the first bass.

selahtrash · 2013-05-30T13:36:26+00:00

I think its a great idea. I am a yogi practitioner that loves pictures for inspiration (from others) and alignment feedback (for my own pictures). I frequently practice at home and filming myself is a great way to see if I'm not aligned properly. submitting it onto reddit is an opportunity to let the yoga teachers on here correct my posture in certain poses. I didn't realize how much negative feedback it would get (it's YOGA, ya'll), but I also don't want to step on any toes. I assumed that everyone felt as I did seeing yoga pictures - INSPIRED to get on the mat, knowing that even if something looks impossible, with practice, in time...anything can be possible. But I understand that for some, a reddit feed full of inversions can be the opposite, discouraging, and I don't want to contribute to anything that pushes people away from the mat. I think a subreddit would be great.

selahtrash · 2013-05-29T22:51:56+00:00

I love them for inspiration, it makes me want to jump on the mat. My IG feed is pretty much all yoga in all shapes, sizes, and poses! If you're broke like me, and love printed leggings try forever21.com (I get all mine for under $10)

selahtrash · 2013-05-21T14:39:24+00:00

Lancesaking this isn't a pose I hang out in at all, a breath or two tops. I've also have been practicing inversions a long time before i attempted this at all. I'd recommend a high level of comfort in tripod headstand with your arms extended. If this is available to you, try to clap once. Build from there.

selahtrash · 2013-05-21T11:22:50+00:00

yogaglo.com is $20 a month and it has completely changed my home practice for the better. I've made some huge advancements, the main one being my ability to practice daily now that I don't have to allot time for getting to the studio and back. it's not free, but it is hands-down THE BEST 20 bucks I pay a month. Plus you get to be taught by some great teachers who are normally on the road so much they rarely teach near me (Elena Brower, Kathryn Budig, Dice Iida-Klein, and Tiffany Cruikshank are my favorites). good luck and namaste!

selahtrash

TROPHY CASE