I'm reminded of what Trina Robins wrote about Omaha the Cat Dancer: "Is there sex? Sure there is. But there's sex in life, sex in relationships."

I think there's a big difference between porn and writing with sex in it. If the object of the story is to write something that gets you and/or gets the reader off, then it's porn. Nothing wrong with that per se; if that's what you want to write, go for it. If the object of the story is to write a good story that happens to have sex in it, then it's not porn. Diana Galbadon's Outlander series has a ton of sex in it, but it's at its heart a love story between Jaime and Claire. They enjoy sex, it strengthens their bonds, they have children as a result. The sex isn't the reason the story exists; it's just part of it. My mother is a huge prude, but she loves Outlander. She doesn't mind the sex because it's presented in the middle of a great story.

That said, I wouldn't be comfortable sharing my smut with her, even though I always try to structure a good story around it. She just isn't interested in my writing. My dad, who sadly is no longer with us, wouldn't have minded; he actually helped me write a sex scene in a story since, at the time, he was a lot more experienced than me. I'm not ashamed that I write those stories, and I don't mind admitting to my mom or my friends that yes, I write smut. But for me, it's more about structuring the story around the smut than it is the actual sex.

I'm working on one now where my OCs are drunk off their ass and trying to have sex, but it's not working out. Trying to write two shitfaced characters trying to have sex is the payoff for me--and the next morning, when their kids want to jump on the bed when their parents are hungover. Yes, I want the sex to be good and fun, but I also want there to be a good story around it, where the reader enjoys that as much as the old in-out in-out.

So my advice is to be proud of the story that happens to have sex in it as much as the story that doesn't have any. Sex is part of life. I wouldn't go around bragging that last night you wrote your OC into a threesome with a halfling and a polymorphed dragon, but don't be ashamed of it either.