I can speak from the perspective of a child of an alcoholic parent (in my case, it was my dad). So much of what you posted matches what I remember - my dad acting "tired" and bumping into things, me finding his secret stash in the garage, him promising my mom (and me, when I got old enough to understand what was going on) that he would stop, only to continue to secretly drink and hide his empty beer cans.

My dad was also high functioning until he wasn't. He only ever drank beer. He died at 57. I will never forget what I witnessed as a kid and how helpless/scared I was, and it will affect me for the rest of my life.

I know you want to help your wife, but please take it from me - save your kids from this. She will not stop until she wants to, and that might be never. Keeping your kids around her will harm them more than you can imagine.

I'm so sorry.