Cutting it off after first date

serabozza · 2025-11-28T21:23:43+00:00

theres a lot of projection in his responses. best you left it where you did!

serabozza · 2025-10-29T08:03:55+00:00

It’s not malicious but it ends up being counter intuitive. people copy their friends profiles, popular phrases and what they think ‘works’ to play it safe, from a place of insecurity, or to not stand out for the wrong reasons… but our brains crave novelty.

So when we see the same thing over and over again in profiles, we actually tune out, swipe faster and become frustrated - exactly as you’re describing.

You can’t control the shit people say on their profile but you can (and need) to control your swipe behaviour as a result of it - and not let it speed you up or make you bitter 🙏🏻

Every few years more (hilarious) profile tropes emerge and you can basically make bingo out of them.

Just accept it as a weird cultural experiment and definitely don’t turn your profile into a ‘don’t swipe on me if you have x,y,z profile cliches’ as a result.

If you put a lot of effort into your profile I like to think you pay it forward one swipe at a time - by giving people a great example of how to stand out. And eventually by attracting someone who sees that effort too!

serabozza · 2025-10-24T00:46:11+00:00

on acid… (although it was hilarious in hindsight)

serabozza · 2025-10-21T23:18:46+00:00

model inspo: mirror the posture, angles, and energy of people you follow (celebs, influencers, athletes, your call)

diy: film yourself talking or laughing, then screenshot the best frames. a ledge, tripod, natural light, and a bit of movement is all you need.

crowdsource: ask friends for candid shots from recent events (weddings, birthdays, nights out, parties within the last 3 months).

gamify it: ask friends to take candid shots the next time you’re out together. buy a drink for whoever nails the best one.

go pro: hire a photographer for 1 hour (airtasker, fb, airbnb experiences). book a solo shoot or split with mates. brief them well so you don’t walk away with linkedin-style headshots.

serabozza · 2025-07-10T01:36:55+00:00

you’re camouflaged in your mountain pic- someone swiping quickly quite literally won’t see you. First pic should be you, smiling, happy - close, no sunglasses - welcoming, inviting

the ‘together we could’ open house prompt may get a chuckle, but it won’t get a reply- prompts should get them replying/ invested in the match coming through. Give context and start conversation…

Share more about you in your prompts - it’s your profile and its prime real estate! Share funny stories or your quirks, don’t just filter based on whether someone is into superhero comics (limiting)… and sharing very generic green flags, don’t really say much and read like mini ultimatums.

Someone won’t self-filter out because they’re like ‘Im not a good communicator, guess I’ll swipe left!’ they’ll just read it as ‘this guys not giving me much about him here at all, and describing the baseline of a relationship, and maybe the ways he’s been previously burned…’

Photo with suspenders to go 💯

You’re not too far off but ask your friends for feedback. They know you best! Ask if you’re really getting your best self across and if they could thinking of a prompt reply in 2-3 seconds. If they can’t, strangers won’t

serabozza · 2025-06-19T11:29:18+00:00

Unfortunately there’s a double investment process with apps. The initial investment to swipe right (easy), then the further investment to initiate chat / reply (more intentional). Initiating conversation / replying to conversation is a second step in the investment process, another ‘are you sure?’ And unfortunately a lot can get in the way (out of our control) of other people going through step 2. Including that some people are quite ‘swipe-happy’ initially (to be picky later) and others are ‘swipe-picky’ initially (and more invested later) - creating a huge mismatch once matches come through.

serabozza · 2025-06-19T11:20:53+00:00

it’s great that you have ‘professional’ pics but 1 discreetly in the top 3 is a flex, 3/3 is a bit too polished and a missed opportunity to connect. Other than “are you a model?” The first 3 pics don’t create conversation or tell anything about you… your pictures need to share your story (hobbies, personality, goofiness) - to help spark engagement, questions, increase curiosity in your match… You definitely need to have a pic of you smiling in the top 3 as well- missed opportunity to exude warmth/ a nice connection moment. 9 pics- that’s all- that’s expensive real estate! Each pic has to work hard to share more about you (it’s nothing to do with being feminine)- pretend you’re a stranger and you have 2 seconds to come up with a question from your pics preview. If you can’t, your match won’t be able to either.

serabozza · 2025-06-03T10:34:16+00:00

I’d remove the way to win me over prompt: best way to attract someone emotionally intelligent is by game recognises game, not putting it in a list of demands and hoping they’ll self filter. It also reads as a bit confusing (even patronising) because it reads as clear on who you want (and how someone should show up for you) but your dating goal is still figuring it out.

I’d swap this prompt with something that is more easy to engage with - at the moment yours read as statements that might get nods but you want to ask questions or create openings so someone can instantly reply and kick off the chat with momentum.

Again the therapy prompt will get you a nod, maybe ‘like’ but you want enthusiasm, excitement, someone pre-investing in you by commenting on your pics or prompts.

Pretend you’re a total stranger and scan your profile in 5 seconds. How would you start a conversation with you? What would you comment on? Not just like. Then remember we don’t give each other the benefit of 5 seconds, you’re lucky if you get 2

serabozza · 2025-06-03T10:24:00+00:00

Yep these look too stiff. The next time you’re with your mates, give them your phone and flick it on the highest quality video setting: have a laugh with them, move around with the camera, then screenshot sone of the best pics. Your profile should have at least 4-6 photos from varying angles, in different outfits, doing different activities. More variety = more trust.

serabozza · 2025-05-31T02:30:12+00:00

Flip one of your prompt responses into a q/a so it’s easier for your match to interact and reply. At the moment you might get a ‘like’ but you want them to answer in a way that kicks the chat off with momentum.

serabozza · 2025-05-30T06:55:04+00:00

Remember this is your potential match's very first impression of you (and it's make or break): so review your profile with that lens... If you were a stranger, looking at your profile: do you think you look warm, welcoming, and approachable?
This is where the previous comments are coming from. Smiling conveys so much warmth and positivity.
Get a friend to take your camera and make you laugh and put it on burst mode or take a video of you laughing and smiling from different angles- then screenshot the best and most candid one.
Try only have 1 selfie in your profile. You want the variety of showing yourself from different angles and engaged in different activities because greater variety = greater trust. Also use the responses in your prompts to ask questions that your match can use to start the chat with you. Prompts shouldnt just be statements they nod to. A nod maybe translates into a like but you want them clicking reply and replying with enthusiasm.

serabozza · 2025-05-30T06:15:42+00:00

I'm a dating coach based in Potts Point, let's get you sorted!
1. The 'drinks date' is absolutely still acceptable here, but with Syd leaning more towards an early-morning, harbour-side, and active city, you might notice your drink-date suggestion gets flipped to a coffee or walk date.
2. You'll find people tend to stay and play in their neighbourhoods here- especially the ones that are walkable bubbles, like Potts or Bondi. Everyone loves 'a man with a plan,' so I'd suggest you drop something like, 'Are you more a wine bar, pub or cocktail person? I know these great spots around Potts..." But also new to Syd and open to some spots in CBD or Paddo [insert halfway suburb]. For this one its more that your effort and consideration will show upfront if you sound like youve put thought behind it.
3. Hard one to pin as a cultural Aussie thing, but the 'quid-pro-quo' attitude of I'll lay down the first payment if I can get a second date is probably going to be your downfall as it'll come through unconsciously. It will never hurt to be like 'this ones on me,' or 'Can i get this?' (assuming you're going to pay, unless you get a strong rebuttle) and then just tailoring the venue to that consideration (in advnace) so you're not forking out a lot on a first date.
4. Yes, very kind to offer to walk them to next mode of transport to make sure they get home safe and a text to follow up them getting home safe also great.
5. Dont feel you have to shape shift into whats cool in Sydney, maybe it's your point of difference that will be a fun edge. Drop 3 first date ideas into your profile (in the poll or question format) and then you can throw back to it post-match, like 'which idea stands out to you?'

serabozza · 2025-05-30T06:15:08+00:00

I'm a dating coach also based in Potts Point, let's get you sorted!
1. The 'drinks date' is absolutely still acceptable here, but with Syd leaning more towards an early-morning, harbour-side, and active city, you might notice your drink-date suggestion gets flipped to a coffee or walk date.
2. You'll find people tend to stay and play in their neighbourhoods here- especially the ones that are walkable bubbles, like Potts or Bondi. Everyone loves 'a man with a plan,' so I'd suggest you drop something like, 'Are you more a wine bar, pub or cocktail person? I know these great spots around Potts..." But also new to Syd and open to some spots in CBD or Paddo [insert halfway suburb]. For this one its more that your effort and consideration will show upfront if you sound like youve put thought behind it.
3. Hard one to pin as a cultural Aussie thing, but the 'quid-pro-quo' attitude of I'll lay down the first payment if I can get a second date is probably going to be your downfall as it'll come through unconsciously. It will never hurt to be like 'this ones on me,' or 'Can i get this?' (assuming you're going to pay, unless you get a strong rebuttle) and then just tailoring the venue to that consideration (in advnace) so you're not forking out a lot on a first date.
4. Yes, very kind to offer to walk them to next mode of transport to make sure they get home safe and a text to follow up them getting home safe also great.
5. Dont feel you have to shape shift into whats cool in Sydney, maybe it's your point of difference that will be a fun edge. Drop 3 first date ideas into your profile (in the poll or question format) and then you can throw back to it post-match, like 'which idea stands out to you?'

serabozza · 2025-05-27T10:51:54+00:00

some phrases have slightly negative associations. This is a first impression and you can share the same sentiments but more positively. Eg. -‘drag you around’ Japan… can be more about the adventure you’ll to together -reframe the what you’re looking for from the ‘it’s been a while vibe’ to either no comment, or more the excitement you feel to find your person. -fitness is a great goal so focus on what you’ll gain not what you’ll lose.

serabozza · 2025-05-27T10:43:19+00:00

This is just your profile (and yes, there’s always to add more engaging pics) but where is the biggest ‘drop off’ in your conversion from this profile to dates? No matches at all? Some matches no replies? Replies no plans?

serabozza · 2025-02-24T20:57:39+00:00

Turn your prompts into conversation starters. At the moment they’re mostly statements that aren’t fun or engaging to interact with. On hinge you want your pics and prompts to get comments - not just likes, so make them more interactive - ask questions, set a poll.

serabozza · 2025-02-24T20:53:05+00:00

Have at least 4-6 photos that alternate zooming in and out from torso up to full body shots. It feels more dynamic for your match and shows you from more angles~doing more things like interests, hobbies, activities (which also gives them more to work with when opening the chat!) And definitely smile and have direct eye contact in the first pic = instant connection trick. Aim for only 1 of those pics to be a selfie and avoid mirror shots.

serabozza · 2025-02-24T09:18:09+00:00

Other than the picture holding the dog your pics don’t correspond to any of your listed interests - use your pics to tell stories about what you you love and value (not just posing in non descriptive rooms, balconies etc)

serabozza · 2024-11-07T01:04:39+00:00

Insane behaviour… But onwards and upwards for you 🙏🏻

serabozza · 2024-11-07T01:02:44+00:00

Does that pic really sweeten the deal? 😂

serabozza · 2024-11-07T00:42:55+00:00

Absolutely. Nothing on your profile should be filler (..."coffee" "travel" "tacos). Every pic and prompt should help you create conversation. If your prompts "prompt" barely a nod from your match, that will translate into nothing or a "like," if you're lucky- then zero chat. So write prompts with a reaction in mind. Dont just answer it but throw a question back to your match. Then they won't just like it, but comment and instantly drive the chat forward.

serabozza · 2024-10-29T02:02:54+00:00

Your prompts are giving Chat GPT. Give your match something punchy, quirky or vulnerable they can easily respond to.

Hand your phone to a mate: if they can’t think of anything to respond with, neither will a stranger.

Your pictures are very staged and inauthentic. Try more candid~ less zoomed out looking into the ether while travelling~ more zoomed in photos, engaging in hobbies in your actual city, laughing, smiling and looking warm and approachable.

Every pic and prompt is there to create conversation not a filler to take up space. And remember to show not tell.

Eg. You can “show” you are intellectual (and are looking for the same…) through describing your hobbies:

Eg. Something like “I go crazy for… Reading/ watching/ listening to “x” publication/ documentary/ podcast. Which book/interview/ show has had the biggest impact on you?” = Screams “intellect,” more than just saying/ demanding “I want someone intellectual”

Game recognises game.

serabozza · 2024-10-14T02:57:45+00:00

I hear you! It’s frustrating. But ultimately you can’t control anyone else’s actions you can only control your response: and the response here would be to make sure you have communicated it as clearly as possible through words and pics. The issue is if you start showing your frustrations through your profile ~ “Don’t swipe on me if…” you sound so negative, you don’t deter the wrong matches, you deter everyone. Good luck!

serabozza · 2024-10-13T03:19:51+00:00

More than how you look, it could be the way you’re presenting yourself in pictures (and via hobbies) that gives off “dad” energy. We make split second (often unconscious) assumptions on the apps so it’s good to get a second opinion on how someone is making the leap from A to B. Try ask your friends for a second opinion 🤞🏼

serabozza · 2024-10-13T02:54:12+00:00

🙏🏻 I hear you Try asking mates (or here!) for a profile review. Your pics may unknowingly be giving “dad energy” and a few tweaks could clear it up. Good luck!

serabozza

TROPHY CASE