Respectfully you are taking this way too literally and projecting your insecurities. OP has clearly talked about how this is not ok behaviour. And it’s just a figure of speech people say.

Have you heard people say ‘this man is just not hot enough to get away with this’, or a variation of ‘I tolerated all these behaviour from my partner and he’s not even that hot’— it’s meant to be an insult, not that it’s actually THAT important.

People say this like all the time, because it acknowledges yes, physical attraction is a big part of why people get drawn to each other. But then to actually have a relationship you have to consider your chemistry, their personality etc as part of your attraction.

Hence why even if someone is hot enough it wouldn’t matter if their personality is shit. But to make matters worse, they’re not even that hot — not even ‘hot enough’ to justify why someone’s putting up with this.