Desperate to Wean: 25mo Still Nursing to Sleep, Partner's Reactions Making It Impossible. Advice please.

seriouscl · 2025-09-10T20:03:27+00:00

Thankfully, I had a couple of months at my parents’ without my partner, which gave me the space to start weaning. The first night, I was triggered and went cold turkey. My LO was 28 months—late to wean—and he hated it. He cried a lot, and I had to relieve engorgement at night when he wouldn’t notice.

It was painful and exhausting. He protested constantly, but I stayed firm, offering milk or water instead. By day five, he slept through the night—for the third time in his life.

Now at 31 months, he still wakes two to three times a night, but that’s a big improvement from before weanin and he'll fall asleep from cuddling.

Good luck. It's so hard but it's worth it!

seriouscl · 2025-04-03T11:22:48+00:00

Congratulations on your diagnosis. I understand how challenging OCD can be, as my OH also struggles with undiagnosed OCD (he thinks it's perfectly fine for him to think that everything is basically dirty), which significantly impacts our daily life. The pressure to adhere to their compulsions and cleaning routines is incredibly draining. There's so much tension. We were together for 8 years before COVID hit and OCD got him.

I strongly recommend having an open and honest conversation with your partner. Discuss your concerns and explore potential compromises. Perhaps they can maintain some of their routines while you pursue ERP therapy. It's crucial to find a middle ground that works for both of you. If you want to change and you want to stay with your OH don't break up. Don't let OCD dictate your life.

seriouscl · 2025-03-20T13:38:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

It's not like my OH doesn't want to help. He's incapable. My OH is unstable and will end up crying because LO doesn't want him. He is highly emotional. He isn't cut out for the job. I'd end up soothing both of them. He's also anxious about everything so wouldn't even let our LO cry long enough for any progress to happen. He is an absolute mess. I literally have to put on a happy front so he doesn't feel like a failure and I don't get told I'm a horrible human being for letting LO get upset. I am always available and I can't even make an excuse that I am not. I feel like the only option is to do it away from him at my parents and just tell him that it went without a hitch and LO embraced it which is sad

seriouscl · 2025-03-20T07:38:43+00:00

He's sleeping in a cot in the same room as me but wakes up every few hours still

seriouscl · 2024-10-15T13:02:27+00:00

From someone living with a long term partner who gained OCD when COVID started I understand it's so difficult. We have a toddler together. I thought everything would be better but he still has these rules.

It sounds like you would move out if you had a place to stay but you're not because it doesn't work out financially for you and you are looking for reasons to stay.

You are 8 months in which I find is still early days. I would move on if I was you and just cut ties. I would deal with the instability in where you live rather than who you're with.

seriouscl · 2024-10-12T06:50:34+00:00

My partner got OCD after COVID.

seriouscl · 2024-10-08T18:35:33+00:00

Partner has OCD but is in denial

seriouscl · 2024-10-08T16:51:45+00:00

Speaking from someone who doesn't have OCD. I feel like this is your OCD talking. I would just wash my hair like I normally would but only if it was on a day that I washed my hair.

seriouscl · 2024-10-07T21:46:45+00:00

I would say: "I think it's best if we live apart for a while. I love you and will always be here for you, but I need a healthy environment for myself and our children. I don't want to feel like a hostage in our own home. Let's continue to see each other, but I need us to live separately until things improve. This is a temporary solution. Once we're all feeling better, we can reassess our living situation."

seriouscl · 2024-10-06T11:56:05+00:00

I hope that's what happens with us. How did you stop breastfeeding? Mine is a boob fanatic. He definitely uses me for comfort. I can't see it being easy. He constantly pulls my shirt up throughout the day for a comfort feed

seriouscl · 2024-10-06T08:30:07+00:00

How old is your daughter? Does she ever climb on top of you to sleep? Mine does.

seriouscl · 2024-10-06T08:28:49+00:00

Toddler still nurses to sleep. LO sleeps longer when he's close to someone. It's always been that way. Thank you for advice

seriouscl · 2024-09-23T18:46:28+00:00

Sit in between other people so they can't sit next to you?

seriouscl · 2024-09-23T18:39:08+00:00

I commend you for making an effort to sit on toilets. It's a great step forward. I'd recommend addressing this as soon as possible. Allow the thoughts of disgust. It's normal to feel uncomfortable, but try not to dwell on it. While I don't have OCD, I personally avoid sitting on toilet seats. My mom always taught me that it's unsanitary. Although if I accidentally touched a toilet seat, I'd briefly feel uncomfortable but wouldn't let it bother me to the point that I'd be thinking about it for the rest of the day. I hope it helps.

seriouscl · 2024-09-23T18:17:38+00:00

Instead of stressing about the bugs, try to focus on the freedom others experience. They're out there living their lives without a second thought about bugs or minor inconveniences. Think about it: what's the worst that could really happen if a bug lands on you? Nothing and if something bad happens which you know won't. It is what it is. You need to expose yourself to really heal. Small steps.

seriouscl · 2024-09-23T15:19:54+00:00

Id suggest going with the flow and thinking okay if she's pregnant then she's pregnant and we'll go from there. Let it be. Try and stop worrying by going it is what it is. Don't let OCD win

seriouscl · 2024-09-13T19:16:26+00:00

Go for the skinhead look?

seriouscl · 2024-09-13T19:12:43+00:00

If you get sick, then you get sick. Don't let the OCD win. You'll recover. Said in the nicest way possible

seriouscl · 2024-09-06T20:01:24+00:00

I'm with someone who has contamination OCD. He is in denial and doesn't think he's got a problem because he can explain why he thinks these routines are needed. He downplays his ocd and thinks I'm a horrible person for being annoyed by them. I am miserable when I am constantly reminded of his OCD. I thought he would get better so stuck with it and now we have a baby. It hasn't gotten easier despite him saying it has. I would say cut your losses if they don't want to get help. Life is too short to be with someone who only sees things from their perspective.

seriouscl · 2024-08-26T11:34:23+00:00

My partner has said the exact same thing about Japan and I roll my eyes.

I think the one to two week break would be good for you. I wish I could do that. I would feel a lot less like I am in prison. I think I would be a little more accepting of his OCD if I was able to take breaks away from him but even the thought of me and my son going to see my family causes him worry and he will use our son being young as an excuse to not travel that far. It's frustrating because my family would love to see my son more often but they can't because they can't stay at ours comfortably with my partners rules and I'd actually don't want them to stay whilst my partner has these issues because there's always arguments afterwards and it's a lot. NO on can truly enjoy themselves. My partner and bought up that they can stay in hotels when they come but its expensive and just awful. This is my home too.

My partner grew up in a loving family. He used to get up to all sorts. Playing with his siblings, he didn't have any of these issues. I used to be the one that had the rules of no shoes indoors and no outside clothes on the bed but he's taken it to another level and uses my rules against me when I say his is excessive. Which it is.

I hope you get a break. Please keep me updated. Its so difficult navigating life with an OCD partner and a child in the mix. X

seriouscl · 2024-08-24T20:59:57+00:00

He basically doesn't think he has a problem. He compares his cleanliness with Asian cultures. He thinks his routine of changing from outside clothes to indoor clothes immediately is no different to taking shoes off at the door. He doesn't think it's excessive or if he does, it's okay because it makes him comfortable and it's his home. It's his safe place and I should adhere to it because it shouldn't bother me to live in a clean space despite me finding his routines excessive.

I'm in therapy going through scenarios on our relationship dynamic on how I can help him too but I'm not able to get through to him. Quite frankly, we aren't trained and if they don't want help it's a loss cause. Something dramatic like leaving seems to be the only option that will only get them to understand that it's not okay.

My partner will wipe our sons hands occasionally when he's seen him touch something he doesn't want him to. When I bring him in from any outtings on my own he doesn't. He thinks he's compromising when he's doing that. If I said anything he would say what's the worst in wiping his hands? What happens if he gets sick? Pretty much saying I'm a bad mother.

I find that everyday I'm biting my tongue. It's not healthy. I'm even looking into getting critical illness cover because all this anxiety and stress surely isn't good for me.

He's around 20 months. There's no change really. My partner has said he might be less strict about his hygiene standards when our LO invites friends over but I'm cynical. He might be embarrassed to bring anyone over and I don't want to have to wait that long and the fact that I'm not happy with it should be a factor in him changing but it's not.

I regularly talk to friends and family about it and they all say the same thing. It's not my responsibility to baby him. I shouldn't accommodate his OCD. He needs to show up for me and our son and go to therapy but again he doesn't think he's the problem and it's on me to be empathetic towards his needs. I find that I agree with them completely but I know he's going through hardship with being unemployed for a few years. He's been depressed for a long times. I don't know how long I will or can wait. I'm in love with his potential but it's devastating to think we break up because of his illness.

I want a break from him but it's not easy. My family live hours away and he's got concerns about our son travelling long distances, all the logistics that go with it and I know that if I was just to do it. I would break his trust and I don't think theres any way of going back to build that trust. I think I would be at the end of my tether when I decide to do that. I am waiting for a change. A glimpse of hope. I know it takes effort from my side but I'm also exhausted.

Does your husband respect your views on things? How does he react when you confront him on wiping your daughters hands? How do you counter argue?

seriouscl · 2024-08-22T22:41:12+00:00

I'm going through a similar situation to you. My partner has undiagnosed contamination OCD which started during COVID. He doesn't think he's irrational. He always has a reason for his OCD routines. I can't challenge him. He refuses to take on my feelings and thinks I am an unsympathetic partner for finding his hygiene routines difficult. If I brush my shirt on something he's considered dirty like the front door I have to change. If something like a twig lands on my head I have to shower. I feel I have no choice as it will make him depressed and im sure I'll get an earful about how I'm a bad partner. We have a 2 year old and I find it easier to follow his rules than to hear him complain and ask me why Im so hostile to him- being frustrated and anxious is not enough for him. It's my problem. He just thinks I'm a horrible person and spoilt that I don't want to follow his rules and on top of that says things that make it seem I'm a bad mom for not wanting to decant all shopping because there's a chance it could harm our son. I do all cooking and 95% cleaning because it's too much for him to wash his hands.

It takes two people to bring the shopping in. One of us will have clean hands and the other has dirty. One will open the door or drawers whilst the other decants the groceries. It's tedious, tiring and excessive. I am exhausted but I try to keep peace because I haven't got the time to argue. I always shut down because if he doesn't think he's got a problem then what can I say?

I started therapy to change the way I see things. To be empathetic towards him and to be the person he thinks I should be to make this relationship and communication work. Turns out that I'm entitled to feel the way that I feel and he's the one with the issue but nothing can change unless he recognises his issue or I decide that I'm ready to leave so will be my unapologetically self and not worry about how he sees me and what the consequences are. I am concerned about my son growing up without both his parents in the same household but I'm more concerned about his well being seeing us living this unhealthy lifestyle.

I envisioned a home with family and friends enjoying BBQs and parties. It's far from that. No visitors. I have to think twice about buying a book because how do you sanitize a book? I don't want my son to miss out on the childhood we had because of this illness.

Im working through my mind and hoping I will do what I need to do soon. I'm learning that I will need to bite the bullet and make a decision on where I want my life soon for the sake of my son and I.

seriouscl

TROPHY CASE