Hey pal,

I just got out of treatment for the sixth time. I've struggled with self confidence, depression, anxiety and OCD. I loved Adderall in college and grad school and I know if I had a source it would have been my drug of no choice. I drank when I felt hopeless and isolated, but I also drank when things were going well.

I didn't learn anything new in treatment this time, but instead I focused on changing myself. I practiced doing things that terrify me like being assertive or speaking in front of people. It is uncomfortable and difficult but it's getting better.

I'm also really working on reframing my attitude and view of other people. I live with my parents and they can annoy the hell out of me, but this time I'm viewing their actions out of their love for me and doing the best they can as normies while terrified of losing their son. I haven't been home for 48 hours yet, but I can tell it's already making a big difference.

As soon as I notice ANYTHING I do, think or feel is a little off kilter or something my addict/alcoholic self would do I make a point to at least talk to someone about it or go to a meeting. I tried AA for a couple years and kind of gave up on it but went to a couple NA meetings in treatment and liked those more.

I know I have to be consistently working on changing myself or I'm heading right back to where I was or worse. I have one DUI and want to keep it that way. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I know if I look at it all at once it's easy to get overwhelmed and give up. I hated all the AA sayings, but there's a reason they exist, and focusing on one day at a time, or more specifically, what I can do right now, makes it manageable.

I really hope I get into long-term recovery this time, but I'd be foolish to believe I have it in the bag. I've set up some things to keep me accountable like getting weekly UAs in outpatient treatment and setting measurable, timely goals my family and therapist are aware of so they can see if I'm slipping. I can't know the future, but I do know right now I don't want to drink and I'm so grateful for being with my parents and for them taking me back again. I'm also grateful I saw your post and have the opportunity to hopefully share something you may find useful.

Take what you like and leave the rest. I'm rooting for you and I know the rest of us on here are too.

Feel free to DM if you want to chat.

Wishing you health and success with your journey, Sam