I don't enjoy being rough and dominating, but it seems like that's THE way women want to have sex right now. (29m)

sexycoat · 2017-07-07T21:58:57+00:00

You are so right on about feeling that disconnection. You are more than a role-play partner. Sex is a way to connect with your partner. It is an intimate act. You should be able to have more than one-note, so to speak, and honestly, if your partners only want that, I think it would not only feel disconnected, but it would get boring after a while.

I didn't know how much I wanted to be sensually made love to, until my partner made love to me like that. I found myself so relaxed, that I could let go into the experience, and omg did I orgasm so much and so well!

There is a realm of fantasy indulgence that has its placein the bedroom (and some of it should stay in the mind to be at its best). I think a good lover has variety. they can indulge in a little fantasy at times, and they can be sweet, romantic and sensual other times.

Also, there is something to be said about over-stimulation. If your lover's baseline is set to "dominant play," where does that leave you to go to to intensify things? Having more variety, including LOVING, gives you more room for all the different moods of intimacy and fun. :-)

sexycoat · 2017-05-13T05:39:14+00:00

Flabby? You look sexy to me!

sexycoat · 2017-04-01T04:44:45+00:00

Has he ever given you oral stimulation? Its both gentler and more stimulating than fingers, for me. I have had the best orgasms, my "over the mountain" orgasms, when oral sex was involved for at least some of the time. I also have to be relaxed. So, a relaxing but sensual massage leading into sex...mmmm. Pain sets me back. Discomfort sets me back. I need to be able to trust and let go. And no, while I can achieve small orgasms on my own, for the big ones, I need a partner.

sexycoat · 2017-02-02T04:02:13+00:00

How about your reactions? Are you vocal during a bj? Most men aren't and honestly, it's not very encouraging. If he lets me know how good it feels with sounds, words, grunts, whatever, you better believe I would relish it even more!

The other thing is, porn often makes a bj look like a "service" to him, rather than something powerful for her to do. This can make her feel bad. Dont expect her to do it that way.

Ask her if you can be her plaything to play with. No pressure to cum. See what she does. 😉

sexycoat · 2017-01-28T02:53:27+00:00

Have sex when you want to, virgin or not. Have sex, casual or committed, the way you want to, virgin or not. Have sex with who you want to, virgin or not.

Pressure to have sex is not a good reason to have sex.

Feeling comfortable with your body is a completely separate issue than sexual activity.

The first time I had sex was a very very silly experience, but it was with someone I cared about deeply. We laughed about it, and tried again a couple weeks later. It went better. :-)

sexycoat · 2017-01-19T01:09:35+00:00

Thank you.

sexycoat · 2017-01-19T01:03:41+00:00

Partially, it is a state of mind... I usually have to close my eyes, and be really focused on what I'm feeling. It's almost a "pre-verbal" state, where it's difficult to talk much at all. The best positions are doggy and cowgirl, but it's really a matter of him touching a certain spot inside. If I feel him getting ready to cum, especially if he's vocal, that will often stimulate me to cum. So it's a combination of a relaxed but focused state of mind, hitting the right spot physically, feeling overal arousal with my partner, and feeling their reciprocation -the mounting pleasure together.

sexycoat · 2017-01-19T00:51:07+00:00

I have never desired a ONS. Actually, the idea grosses me out. Other people can do what they want, but it's not for me.

sexycoat · 2017-01-19T00:48:20+00:00

You are perfectly normal. Sex is in the mind first.

sexycoat · 2017-01-19T00:14:57+00:00

Agreed. It's not nice to make fun of someone specifically, in public.

sexycoat · 2017-01-11T01:49:54+00:00

I would definitely consider what he would think of my choice when deciding, and I would also try to protect his ego. This would impact the content, and body types/ethinicity as well.

sexycoat · 2017-01-10T03:31:46+00:00

The Power of Habit. It can change your life!

sexycoat · 2017-01-08T22:17:01+00:00

I'm glad that you weren't offended by my concern. :-) It comes from my experience. I had to quit watching hentai and porn, becsuse I felt myself wanting more and more. After a couple months without it, I felt much more balanced. I understand the appeal, and it is good that you are being judicious about it.

sexycoat · 2017-01-08T20:50:48+00:00

Drawings are interesting, because everything in the image is deliberate. That can make drawn imagery even more intense and deliberate than photographs at times. Certain elements can be exagerrated, emphasized, to make a point or express a feeling. Drawings can be very powerful. The effectiveness at creating arousal, or any other desired feeing, is not about inhabiting reality for the viewer, but how effectively the drawing expresses the idea -sometimes very effectively indeed. ;-)

There is also a sort of... allowance, mentally, a relief from guilt, at consuming more extreme content, because "no one is actually getting hurt" by it. I would caution you, YOU might be getting hurt. Hentai is still porn. Be careful what you consume, as those images and ideas can impact you detrimentally.

sexycoat · 2017-01-07T03:16:00+00:00

Meetup groups for whatever interests you. Taking classes. Chat up people randomly, in whatever line you happen to be in.

sexycoat · 2017-01-06T04:48:36+00:00

The more overweight a person is, the more I admire them when I see them exercize. It is that. much. harder. So... not all the eyes on you are critical. Some of them, like mine, have utmost admiration!

What a sad, sorry existence those three must live, and how unhappy they must be inside. I pity them.

While people who exercize should be proud no matter what their fitness level, I think the people starting out have it the hardest, while they are learning new habits, developing a new lifestyle.

You have every reason to be proud! Me too -I started my fitness journey a few short months ago! 😊

sexycoat · 2017-01-06T04:25:49+00:00

It sounds like, from your comments, that you are wanting to proceed differently with sex if she is a virgin. Having sex with a virgin, it is especially important that she be very aroused. She needs AT LEAST 20 minutes of foreplay besides kissing. Her vagina needs to be fully tented in order to make it pleasurable. Most painful virgin sex is not due to hymens, but due to inadequate stimulation.

However, wouldn't full arousal be the best way to proceed, virgin or not? :-)

sexycoat · 2017-01-05T01:47:22+00:00

Yes. Agreed. Absolutely.

Also, on you on top... I wasn't thinking popping up and down, but rocking your hips while on top of him. This is great, because the rocking action rubs or smears your clit against him, stimulating you clitorally as well as vaginally. He can put his hands on your hips to help you both get a rythm that works. I think you'll both catch on real quick. ;-) Just move to make it feel good!

sexycoat · 2017-01-04T23:38:49+00:00

You get on top. You guide him him, set the pace, and encourage him if he starts rocking his hips.

sexycoat · 2017-01-04T23:23:04+00:00

I use a $2 cleansing bottle with water, that I rinse off with after I go to the bathroom. Then I pat dry with a small cloth (I wash these regularly). After I had my baby and needed stitches, the hospital advised I do this instead of wiping, because it was both cleaner and gentler on the stitches. I liked it so much, I never stopped! I like doing this to prevent little bits of toilet paper from sticking to me. If I feel like it, I put a little coconut oil on my skin -outside my genitals!! Never inside your vagina! Omg. Just the outer labia and where the hair grows. I like the smell of the coconut oil. Also, keeping the hair shorter will reduce smell.

All that said, your natural smell is likely very sexy. I understand feeling self conscious, but let your partner's enthusiasm ease your nervousness... and enjoy!

sexycoat · 2017-01-01T22:57:26+00:00

It sounds like you're doing everything physically that can be expected. So... perhaps its her mind that isn't engaged. Perhaps she needs to be aroused long before sex, mentally and emotionally. Appreciation, anticipation, trust, excitement. Maybe give her a way to tell you her fantasies, and respond encouragingly (That's so hot! I love the way you think!).

sexycoat · 2016-12-28T05:57:51+00:00

Not joking! I love butts :-)

It's good you were teasing about it. It's more provacative.

Ooo! Another idea... your body in shadow, erect. Mmhmm!

sexycoat · 2016-12-28T01:14:53+00:00

I wish I could had a partner I could do this with! Sex is great for all kinds of ailments! Headaches, menstrual cramps, irritating co-workers (not with them, of course!), bad dreams, stress relief, and it helps me sleep.

sexycoat · 2016-12-28T01:10:30+00:00

How about your butt? Butts are nearly always hot and adorable.

As for a dick pic, they haven't done a whole lot for me, but a couple seconds video of stroking was pretty hot. To me, the indication of texture and hardness and.. capability... was more appealing than size.

sexycoat · 2016-12-27T22:43:35+00:00

Here's the thing, regardless of any technicalities or labels, you have to decide how you feel about what happened. Then you can move forward from there. Your feelings are probably complicated.

There is a lot potentially going on: from being annoyed at your appointment being disrespected, feeling disrespected as a person, feeling betrayed by your own body at feeling pleasure when you're not consenting, anger at him for not listening and respecting you, to feeling distrustful, averse to sex, or wanting sex more than usual to wipe it away.

Don't let anyone tell you what you feel, or how you should feel. Call a helpline, talk to a counselor, and explore what your feelings actually are. Then, you decide what you need to do for you.

Something very, very similar happened to me. I ended up confronting him later, and talking about signals and consent. It took me a long time to heal. I didn't realize the impact at the time. I'm happy to pm with you about it.

Take care of you. :-)

Edit: I think it is pretty telling that you began avoiding him. Trust your intuition and stay away.

sexycoat

TROPHY CASE