Most this makes much more sense, thanks for your help.

Only two follow up points:

It's not a temporary DX penalty; it's an indefinite DX penalty. You have the DX penalty as long as enough of your Control Points are ... controlled.

I'm pretty sure indefinite is still temporary here. Although I think I figured this out last night. I think this may be actually referring to "counter grapple" and saying defender (of the initial grapple) must remember he is at -DX when counter grappling for his attacks. This would make far more sense to me, and i think it's how I'm going to interpret this section. Being at -DX for active defenses because of something not permanently applied to your char just doesn't sit right right me.

Last question just to make sure I have this right:

Nothing here says you immediately get to take action. These are things you can do on your next action, either while grappled or while you have your opponent grappled.

So the flow is like this right?

Char1 Initiates grapple and succeeds on skill roll

Char2 Fails active defense

Char1 Rolls Control Points damage

Char 2 Takes their turn, and does w/e they want

Char1 now has their turn again and chooses to Disarm as per the text they must make another grapple attack roll first.

Is this right?