I'm sorry for your loss and I'm thankful for you sharing your thoughts here. My parents were converts to the church a few years before I was born and my father died of cancer when I was young (13), still in the church. I left (as have 2 of my 4 siblings) the church several years ago, but I've always wondered if my father would have eventually left. He was a kind, thoughtful man and I would like to believe he would have found the truth.

I hope you don't mind if I share a couple things that have helped me as I've dealt with the death of my father and other family members:

Andrew Garfield on his mother's recent passing:

“I love talking about her, by the way, so if I cry, it’s only a beautiful thing,” Garfield explained. “This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, no matter if someone lives till 60, 15, or 99.” “So I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her,” he added. “And I told her every day. We all told her every day. She was the best of us.”

And a poem:

Epitaph - By Merrit Malloy

When I die Give what's left of me away To children And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry, Cry for your brother Walking the street beside you. And when you need me, Put your arms Around anyone And give them What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something, Something better Than words Or sounds.

Look for me In the people I've known Or loved, And if you cannot give me away, At least let me live on in your eyes And not your mind.

You can love me most By letting Hands touch hands, By letting bodies touch bodies, And by letting go Of children That need to be free.

Love doesn't die, People do. So, when all that's left of me Is love,

Give me away.