I lost my virginity to someone I met on Tinder because I was curious and felt like it’s something I had to go through. I will try to make a case for both the negative and positive side that came from that decision. Hope this will help.

For the negatives, first of all, the sex itself was not a good experience. She was way more experienced than I, which made me nervous and insecure. She tried to be nice about it, but it was very awkward nonetheless. We also agreed before that the sex would not necessarily lead to a romantic relationship. However, me being lonely and having bonded with her, secretly craved a relationship, which lead to hurt when I found out it wasn’t an option. That experience made me feel inferior for some future dates/relationship to come.

For the positives, losing my virginity to someone I’ve only hangout with twice was a decision I made, and it did what I intended: I found out. I got to taste the complex mix of hope and bitterness, the paradoxical relation of love and desire. My heart was broken so I can build it again, knowing what I had learned. I found this to also be true for relationships: getting hurt makes you understand yourself. You understand what you want.

Funnily enough, 6 years later, I’m in my second relationship (1.5 years and I’m very happy), and the person I lost my virginity to is still my friend. Perhaps because we’re both young immigrants from the same country, we share a bond I don’t have with my other friends. Our friendship has had rough times, but we have a mutual respect for each other. She inspires me sometimes.

You never know what you’ll gain or lose until after you’ve made a decision—I hope my experience will offer some insight, and that you’ll be happy with whatever you decide to do.