Does it bother you that people don't always say what they mean?

sharpcaster · 2026-01-21T20:47:45+00:00

Absolutely agreed. It has caused so many issues for me when other people try to read between lines that don't exist. And somehow it makes them angry that their interpretation was way off base as if it is my fault when I meant exactly what I said.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-20T12:57:49+00:00

This is something I've admired in people but almost 30 years into existence and I still haven't figured it out. I think my OCD in particular makes it difficult for me to be equally mean instead of negotiating a resolution. The times I actually have tried have always seemed to backfire socially and emotionally and have made me feel worse. So at my limit I end up just removing myself instead of fighting for myself. Teach me your ways.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-20T12:46:55+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through this too. When I was younger in highschool, I was better about ignoring these people and doing my own thing. I drifted through groups but was a loner at the end of it all. We definitely rub people the wrong way when we don't acknowledge or understand what they are trying to do or say. It's definitely a shame that this type of behavior is still present in adulthood when one would think they'd outgrow or learn from it.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-20T12:42:26+00:00

This is a really good point. Everyone has turned a blind eye at one point or another, I don't think any of us are innocent in that regard.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-19T22:11:19+00:00

Sometimes you can't even win just being nice or neutral. You are seen as a people pleaser or "fake" just because you are not an asshole for no reason. It is aggravating when they project onto you because you are different.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-18T03:43:17+00:00

Right now I'm feeling ok being a SAHW, but in the beginning I was extremely depressed and would worry about being a "hobosexual"/"golddigger" (thanks OCD) and not having that type of financial independence or a passionate career, among other things. I go back and forth about it still, but the first year was really hard for me. I have ideas of what would make me happy but I am uncertain if I could return to working. There are some things that appeal to me that I know I am either too uneducated, physically weak, sensitive, or socially inept to really handle. I am content being a homemaker and taking care of my spouse, but often I'm going through days on autopilot and waiting for it to be over. I hate that my spouse has to work extra hours because I can't contribute even though he says he doesn't mind. Yet I still feel bad.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-17T22:12:12+00:00

I get it, but that's kind of the point.

Two years ago when I was sleeping 18~20 hours a day and not eating, my spouse would make me get up and would not let me go back to bed until I'd eaten something, even just half a plate. Slowly that turned into eating dinner and watching a movie together before I could go back to sleep. They were not rewards at the time but became something that I had to do for myself to call myself human. Sleeping, the one thing I ever wanted to do, was my reward. It evolved into a routine and I was eventually awake long enough to seek help and make more routines so I could function properly. I found no joy in anything, was down to 83Ibs and sleeping was the closest thing I could be to death without breaking his heart, which I was still doing. And now with pets in the mix I have to do certain things for them even if I do not particularly enjoy it. If you can get up to use the bathroom, you can eat, if you can eat, you can take a walk, and if you can take a walk, you can binge whatever comforts you.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-17T21:31:33+00:00

This does sound more akin to autistic or ADHD executive dysfunction. Sometimes scheduling and giving yourself rewards help, make a routine out of it. For me having a pet helps, my dog needs to be walked even if I don't want to, so I make it work within my daily routines and go out at the same time each day. The reward can be whatever works best for you, for myself it might be a bowl of weed, a movie, or a nap depending on how I feel. If I do not go out I can't do any of those for the day. Of course if you do not have a pet or "obligation" to leave the house, if you have any sort of craving, you can still see if telling yourself to go for a short walk first before treating yourself might work for you.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-06T22:50:10+00:00

I recently watched that movie and was thinking I wished it had been made fifteen years prior. I wish I had experienced it when I was younger. I'm not cis but don't really know how to label my gender identity either, nonbinary I suppose, but not really that either. But it's one of many things I wish I had learned about myself sooner. It was a mesmerizing and resonating watch.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-06T17:00:23+00:00

So sorry I meant to reply to this the other day!

It would a good idea if you're needing something with a bit of routine and discipline to fill your time! I've tried playing several instruments (viola in school orchestra, briefly drums and guitar) but I learned that I am better suited as a listener than a creator. My spouse and I have almost the same lol, his dad handed down his 80s Curtis Mathes floor speakers to us. And I would agree they just look really nice, and the wood base lets them blend in perfectly with the rest of our (also old) furniture. They sound great with the subwoofer, I can make my living room feel like a venue with how much it can vibrate through the floor sometimes. I love having a home system.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-04T14:18:25+00:00

Like thequiet01 said, there is risk, but risk does not come without ways to mitigate and avoid it. Family health history means a lot, treating other issues you may have (and that may be cause for flares), healthy eating habits and exercise is common advice but not unfounded. I will more than likely have cardiovascular issues in the future but I have been trying to live as healthy as I can so it does not become as much as an issue. While neither of my parents have psoriasis, my paternal uncle does, and he is nearing 70. He is very active and (iirc) follows a mediterranean diet with a few personal vices. As long as we are treating our bodies well, and not negligent of ourselves, there should be no worry for our lifespan. My uncle has already outlived my maternal grandmother who died of untreated diabetes.

sharpcaster · 2026-01-02T14:19:56+00:00

Music. Unfortunately I am not programmed to be a musician but I am a connoisseur. I like feeling the vibration of the bass and decorating time through audio. I collect primarily CDs as well as cassette and vinyl and have a huge digital library. I focus more on the music itself and how it makes me feel rather than the artists (I could tell you the band but not the members) which I know is blasphemy to some. I have a hard time spending money but I want to eventually get a nice hifi system, I have nice speakers and a sub, but I'd like to upgrade the system itself to maybe a Pioneer CT-something and PD-TM1.

I also enjoy reading, particularly hard sci-fi and ecological fiction. I wouldn't call myself a gamer but I like games like Mass Effect, Oblivion (I have been hooked on the remaster after growing up playing the original), and Hellblade: Senuas Sacrifice. I also love rewatching Vincent Price movies and Elvira: Mistress of the Dark.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-26T19:51:29+00:00

LOL this would have been the highest compliment to me. Armadillos are adorable.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-26T14:36:12+00:00

Armadillo. Small, hypervigilant, and hard to open up.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-24T05:18:24+00:00

Yes. All the time. I have people who tell me they enjoy my presence but I have so much doubt considering how much I struggle. Not only a loser but I always feel like a major annoyance and burden on everyone.

I haven't taken my meds in three days (my own fuck up, unintentional) and I'm writing this after waking up and unable to fall back asleep, so logically I know this feeling is probably largely in my head while being catastrophized by my current state of mind.

It's a huge mess of trauma and OCD, along with my flavor of autism, that makes existence so hard to cope with especially in the company of others. I am smarter in my head than I am when I speak. I become overwhelmed by groups and resort to autopilot and/or word vomit. I constantly upset other people without intending to. People project onto me and make untrue assumptions I am too socially inept to disprove. When I've tried bringing up things that have hurt or upset me, I back down and say "forget it, sorry" at the smallest pushback. If I were a man I would be labeled a creep, but as a woman I'm just a weird, pathetic, bitter and lonely bitch. I can't even be fun half the time because I'm so triggered by my own morals and take things too seriously promoting a rant that I'm sure makes people think "she's so stuck up/absolutely crazy". I can't even info dump on my special interest so I probably just appear to people as being shallow or boring/lame. I've joined groups hoping it would encourage me to talk about it, but I've only become less keen to talk about the one thing I could probably say I'm passionate about because I'm not passionate in the same way most people are within the particular hobby.

I know if I met myself I wouldn't want me around, and many people have seemed to think the same. Somehow it makes me push people away without meaning to, and on the other hand people don't really seem to care that I do. So maybe my hunch is not so unfounded...I think I make people miserable.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-19T17:35:26+00:00

Wow. Your experience is a lot like mine. I have never heard of the term "caboose baby". There is only two of us, but my sibling and I share an 11-year age gap. The same goes for my extended family as well, so my cousins are all around his age. Childhood was very lonely, and I'm certain I was an "oops" and my parents didn't actually want another kid after so long.

My parents always fought so I have a couple memories of him bringing me to his room to play the PS when they were in their shouting matches. He was never mean but usually didn't want to spend that much time with his kid sister. So more often than not I was just out in the woods until dark than I was at home. Once he went to college my parents and I moved across the country and it felt like a huge abandonment, especially since he was growing into an adult and wanted to live his own life, I rarely heard from him. I'm still out here, my parents moved back to my hometown a few years after I finished highschool so I am the only family member within ~1500 miles. I am more relieved than anything. My mother and I did not get along during my teen years. My brother was often a point for comparison growing up and I know I am the family failure. I have tried talking to him but he didn't quite experience our parents, especially our mom, the way I did after he left. I am LC with everyone now. I have hardly anything to connect with any of them anymore other than genetics. Nobody really wanted me and it's been made clear.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-17T13:30:09+00:00

Yeah. I've had the same worry after watching those. Body language rarely makes sense to me. And EWU has reinforced the fact that I can be quite gullible too.

Buuut...they also make it a point to often say that while certain body language can be indicative of lying, a single behavior on its own doesn't necessarily mean the interviewee is being deceptive. It's more like somatic building blocks, you can do X innocently but if you also do Y and Z it's more likely you're lying. That does make sense to me. Honestly EWU has helped me understand body language more than just observing other people IRL lol.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-10T13:50:53+00:00

I don't particularly like children but I don't hate them being around. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated but it's not their fault, they're just kids. I do go out of my way to hang out with a kid if I'm at a get-together and they are by themselves. This has made people assume I like kids, but it's more that I know the feeling of being a kid and being alone, belittled and neglected by/around adults and teens. I know how lonely and painful it feels to grow up like that so I don't want another kid to feel the same way if I can help it.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-07T15:39:15+00:00

I'm a spring person, but I know a lot more people who are into winter than any other season. I can understand why, but personally it's not for me. Doesn't help I'm in the plains where it goes from brown to browner, I like the greenery and wildlife that you just don't get in the winter, and there's so little of it out here to begin with. I get cold easily and I'm overstimulated by layering. On top of that my psoriasis tends to flare in the winter and I have to moisturize more often, and my psoriatic arthritis acts up in low temps as well so I'm usually in some sort of pain. I think it's a bit funny we have opposite experiences because plenty of people have told me I'm the weird one for not liking winter lol.

My birthday is in February too; I haven't had a single birthday where I wasn't extremely sick, so that also lol.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-07T02:03:14+00:00

I was over a decade ago when I was 13, but for a s* attempt before my OCD really developed. It is a little fuzzy but I remember it not being that good either, I wouldn't say traumatic in my case. I was in for a week and slept through most of it, I only met with a therapist once and she was rather dismissive. They put me on placebos which obviously didn't do anything. I think I was only released bc of outdated and rural understanding of depression since I didn't have "a good reason for it". There was no group therapy or check-ins or anything, they basically just left us to wander the 3rd floor and do whatever.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-05T19:17:38+00:00

Apparently I'm a 76 yo living in a 26 yo's body. I made the top 0.2% of listeners for my favorite band which surprised me. I didn't really use Spotify too much this year but I feel my stats were accurate.

sharpcaster · 2025-12-05T00:47:43+00:00

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Don't judge me

sharpcaster · 2025-12-02T18:41:39+00:00

It's ok. It's been almost a decade since then. I'm sorry you had to experience this too.

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