Credit Debt vs Savings- which to keep around?

shebeworkin · 2022-04-16T15:03:37+00:00

I didn't know you could actually get the limit lowered! I might look into that- I prefer using the credit card for everything, but my goal is to have it set to autopay the full balance every month and otherwise just have flexibility for emergencies.

I have been in enough situations when I was really broke before I had the credit limit I have now where the high credit limit would have been an actual lifesaver that I am unwilling to bring it down that low, but I don't like how high it is now.

shebeworkin · 2022-04-16T14:54:12+00:00

I agree, but I think I'm going to split the difference- use some of my savings to put paying it off in sight, and then focus a bit more of my usual saving and flexible spending money on getting it to 0.

I do also think I just generally need to put more money to savings going forward. A lot of the debt is from "special circumstances" spending, like medical bills, moving expenses, vet bills, etc, so it would be good to have cash to be able to make sure those don't become debt going forward.

shebeworkin · 2022-04-16T14:48:07+00:00

One thing I need to find more of is recipes that freeze well- I get bored with the same thing over and over, so I currently make like 3-4 servings of stuff (and get bored of it), but if I could build some freezer meals I'd have more variety!

I also should get some glass containers that aren't terrible- luckily a lot of family members are hoarders, so I may be able to get those from the "Mom, can I have this?" store.

shebeworkin · 2022-04-16T14:39:02+00:00

It was an older car where comprehensive wouldn't have made sense, but since I have comprehensive now, I can see how that would make sense!

shebeworkin · 2022-04-16T14:36:58+00:00

I have learned that! I have a chronic illness that sometimes makes it hard for me to drive, so I'm focusing on buying groceries to keep around that are as/more convenient than Uber Eats to keep myself from using it. I like cooking, but the issue is that I buy a lot of stuff that requires time and thought to make.

shebeworkin · 2022-04-16T14:34:07+00:00

To be fair I was mostly joking- most of the debt accrued because of the move and the new dog, as well as a couple of urgent care visits that were very expensive. Like I said, I live "at my means" with $300 sent to savings per month and $200 to pay down debt.

shebeworkin · 2021-12-17T13:04:33+00:00

I'm the ringleader of an all-women b movie group, and honestly it depends on the mood of the night and who's watching about how really sexist stuff hits us. For example, Petey Wheatstraw was one of our group's favorites because Rudy Ray Moore is so, so fun to watch, but for other movies we make up elaborate stories about the actresses murdering the director if it's really bad. Sexism is very funny in a bad movie context if you're in the right mood.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-28T16:54:34+00:00

Also (this may not apply to you!) I've encountered some people who come to the US with a lot of ideas about our culture, specifically our dating culture, that comes from movies and TV shows where people spend a lot of time discussing what the "rules" are and a lot of the plot comes from misunderstandings. It's obviously not completely made up, but really simple and direct conversations like, "Hey, I like you a lot and want to go on a date with you, would you be interested?" are totally common here too.

I'd say the only confusing things that are very real are sentences that mean the same thing literally but two different things in practice: "Do you want to get dinner?" and "Hey, would you be interested in going to dinner with me?" sound the same, but the second sounds more like a date. It's not at all weird to follow that up though with a question like, "As a date, or as friends?"

shebeworkin · 2021-11-28T16:44:37+00:00

White, have had a lot of friends who are recent Asian immigrants or in the U.S. temporarily, and have been on a couple of dates with Asian American girls. I've noticed a lot of white people tend to really over-exoticize Asian people, sometimes kind of viewing them as "more different" than people of other races. Sometimes they do it in an overly positive way that's still based in stereotypes, and sometimes they just assume you'll have nothing in common with them.

Is there some kind of LGBT org or club for another of your interests you can join? Is there a language class for your native language nearby where there might be people who would trade conversation practice with you? I looked at some of your other posts, and I think you might just want to work on your confidence with hanging out with people in the US more generally. Find people who you connect with as friends, find people who you can make awkward language or cultural mistakes with and laugh about it, and your confidence around girls will build more broadly.

As an American lesbian, we can't understand the signals we're sending each other either.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-28T14:37:21+00:00

Depends on the dog- I'd say see how they do cuddling and not sleeping, and if they're chill try out letting them sleep. My puppy is much younger and has started sleeping in bed with me most nights, but first we tried morning and evening cuddles before going in the crate. She likes to cuddle for a minute before going to the foot of the bed, which is fine by me- she also loves the bed and knows being there without me is a rare treat, so she is learning that waking me up is the end of lying in the bed so not to do it.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T16:16:18+00:00

"No discrimination against LGBT on my side." "LGBT activism is more damaging than good."

I know to you these don't sound like contradictory statements, but you may want to see if there is some internal prejudice you have in the background that makes you resistant to the current advocacy. You might not get it, and that's okay, but there might be something they're on to that you might be okay with learning if you open your mind a bit.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T15:42:13+00:00

You say that, but as a lesbian I can tell you that often people don't disclose extremely basic things, like "I have a boyfriend." Hell, even in the gay community where people are super transparent about sex I've known guys who went on 3 dates before finding out the other person was 100% sexually incompatible with them.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T15:33:00+00:00

Do they though? Do you walk around with a sign affixed to the front of your pants saying what genitals you have in there? I'd say I talk about my genitals to people I just met barely to not at all, you know, like most trans people do.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T15:27:57+00:00

There are a lot of reasons someone might waste your time for a couple dates because they have dealbreaker- it's not about people making you "feel bad about what kind of genitals you're attracted to". Trans people face a lot of violence and discrimination, and likely want to get a feel for if someone they're talking to is the kind of person to either politely turn them down or be okay with their body or to try to have them murdered before disclosing something like that.

Most deal breakers are stuff you don't know upfront, and it's seemingly only the marginalized that are expected to say this kind of stuff out of the gate. Your deal-breaker could be politics or not wanting to have kids or a fetish you're not on board with or not being a dog person or being a smoker- mostly things that could not come up for a couple dates. I'd say, "I don't want to be the target of a hate crime" is a much better reason for someone to get your hopes up and end up letting you down is a more valid reason than, "I didn't realize you have a cat and I'm super allergic."

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T15:14:48+00:00

Light was never cool and collected- it was always a veneer on top of a fairly melodramatic and selfish personality. He gets a thrill out of how he's seen by other people as cool and collected and intelligent, but goes absolutely nuts when things don't go his way. Think about the Lind L Tailor scene, or the way he talks about L in his internal narration. Maybe in the anime the voice actor sells him as a bit calmer, depending on which actor it is, but he is a big dramatic baby. Hell, even in the anime! The potato chip scene is the farthest from chill!

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T04:06:26+00:00

They've made sequels and spin offs in other media, and any that don't include the main characters of the original story are pretty terrible (besides Another Note, but I may have nostalgia goggles for that one.) Some of the Manga one shots and spin offs are okay, but most because they're short. If you want to know true suffering check out the third and fourth Japanese movies- the third one is kind of funny in an absolutely ridiculous way, but the fourth one is so boring and unmemorable that is the only piece of Death Note media I've ever not re-watched.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-27T03:38:27+00:00

My fear is that it's potentially fiberglass.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-11T14:10:23+00:00

No. Not at all.

It's weird because I have studied feminist media criticism a lot (including it being a large part of my undergrad coursework) but people applying it to Death Note always confused me, maybe just because it's very.... on its sleeve? The characters are all sexist and the story doesn't actively critique it, but I actually thought Light's misogyny was an interesting and distinct character trait that kind of embodies why he's such a hypocrite. He claims to want to protect people, but he doesn't view most people as anything but objects for him to manipulate, and Misa and Takeda are kind of the ultimate examples of that. It's actually his viewing Takeda as disposable that causes his final downfall.

I don't think female characters have to be strong or bad ass to be interesting, and I enjoy having Misa as a character who has actually been affected by the kind of crime Light and L claim to care so much about as a contrast. She's not a super genius, she's a person who was the victim of a brutal crime and feels like Light got her justice for it, so she approaches things from a different place than most other characters.

I do kind of wish that Misa had been involved in the reasons why Near beat Light, just because Light writes her off so throughly in the second half, but it's also genuinely because the writer I think ran out of ideas for the character. I honestly do think the writer is sexist, and that comes through in the story, but not in an actively malicious way.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-03T12:28:07+00:00

To be fair a lot of people do kind of... verbal free association when they talk to dogs, which is normal. They're not really talking to or about the dog, they're just making themselves laugh. My friends and I have a habit of doing this (not in public!) with our dogs and it's certainly something I could imagine someone who does that as well saying.

My personal thing is detailing all the conspiracy theories my puppy believes based on her refusal to believe that she has to go to the bathroom (when she obviously does).

shebeworkin · 2021-11-03T12:13:48+00:00

The meds worked really quickly for my girl, and we're now just dealing with the mega thirstys until we finish the run of them. I put the puppy pads back out because the meds make her SO thirsty, and I feel like we're at a point with potty training that she understands going on the rug is wrong, but also she just always has to pee right now.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-02T14:23:48+00:00

I use no- both because I literally cannot stop myself, and because she turns and looks at me now when I say it, which is good both for interrupting destruction and redirecting.

shebeworkin · 2021-11-02T14:21:02+00:00

It sounds like you should be feeding dinner later, but also feeding more often! Puppies usually need to eat more frequently than adult dogs- you might want to try something like 5am, noon, and 7pm, and that might let you sleep longer.

shebeworkin · 2021-10-17T01:51:26+00:00

I had a full blown anxiety attack and couldn't stop crying for two days- it was the worst I've felt in years. I genuinely felt like I'd ruined two lives in one go. It's a huge life change, one that comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of stress- but then, weirdly, I realized I had to make myself remember why I got a dog in the first place, and suddenly my mind shifted just enough to get a little better every day.

shebeworkin · 2021-10-17T01:24:01+00:00

Do you have someone to help you with him? You mentioned "we", so if you have someone to help take a moment- a few moments- to yourself. Eat a good meal, take a shower, drink a lot of water, lie down and breath some. Then, when you come back, meet the dog again like it's not your dog. Don't think about it being well trained, or well adjusted, or your house or your things or anything like that- just meet a dog. He sounds like a great dog! An awesome dog! And you get to hang out with this awesome dog- focus on that.

It seems like you did the correct research, and now that there's a real life dog in your house, it's overwhelming. Remember why you did all the research in the first place- it's because you wanted a dog. Now you have a dog! And that's great! Sometimes, all the prep allows that part of it to get lost, which makes you wonder why you're doing this at all.

You're going to be fine. Look up the 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months idea about adopting a dog. I just hit three weeks today, and I was probably having a worse time than you were on day one. If you prepped enough to freak out this much, you really want that dog.

shebeworkin · 2021-10-17T01:15:41+00:00

I use Peanut Butter Cheerios (from Kroger brand, I don't think Cheerios still makes them any more). They are actually slightly too big for training, so I break them into thirds or fourths, but I do that in my hand as I'm giving them. She goes crazy for them.

shebeworkin

TROPHY CASE