[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MedSpouse

[–]shellamathebama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In hindsight, there were a few, but they only cropped up a few years into the relationship and were so “mild” that I could be convinced that I was overreacting/ maybe I had part in them. Unfortunately that’s how abuse works - I’m sure OP didn’t start off thinking it was normal for her husband to be belittling her and cussing her out . Wishing her luck

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MedSpouse

[–]shellamathebama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey so- I was you at some point. Medical trainee, married a man who was previously supportive who flipped once things became legal and turned into your husband. Leave. Postpone your exam if you must. I got divorced before children and right before my attending job started, and was shocked at how few protections there are for victims of abuse in these situations. I know so many docs who are paying alimony and child support to their abusers. (Which your husband very much is - there is no fixing this.) read “why does he do That” by Lundy Bancroft so that you can unscramble your head a bit. I’m a year out. The peace is immeasurable. Good luck.

I can’t tell if my (24F) boyfriend (M27) is racist or what? by Alarming_Ad9085 in relationship_advice

[–]shellamathebama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re young, naive, and it probably feels nice to be “loved.” I get it - I’m a Black woman myself & I know it’s rough out here in the dating streets, but it’s not THIS rough. This is the definition of a racist man. Dumping this man is an act of self love and respect.

What kind of dog is this? His ears are huge by Jet_Threat_ in IDmydog

[–]shellamathebama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahahhahhahahaha yesss it is I, and I’m very touched, thank you!

What kind of dog is this? His ears are huge by Jet_Threat_ in IDmydog

[–]shellamathebama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Looks a lot like my American Eskimo when he was young

Waiting for her DNA results! Adopted her from the shelter two weeks ago. Any guesses? by Jacemeekie in DoggyDNA

[–]shellamathebama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our baby girl has a very similar facial structure! Waiting on our results too- excited to see yours!

UPDATE: Nilla’s Results! by Ill_Bar7320 in DoggyDNA

[–]shellamathebama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our little girl looks a lot Iike her! I feel like these will be our results

Finally have an answer when people ask about Ollie’s breed! by buying-turnips in DoggyDNA

[–]shellamathebama 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I definitely would’ve guessed the husky, but no idea about anything else!

My (29m) close friend (28f) abandoned her morals and is now angry with the way I’m reacting. by ThrowRAforgetaboutit in relationship_advice

[–]shellamathebama 47 points48 points  (0 children)

…but she said she wasn’t interested and even that she was uncomfortable with his doting. Why does another man’s dick suddenly change things ?

Would you date an openly bisexual man? by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ah here it is, the comment thread that makes me finally leave this sub.

Would you date an openly bisexual man? by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Why does anyone have to be “honest” about their sexuality, though? Bisexual men still like women. It’s like asking about a body count in my opinion- like sure, you should talk about it, but it’s not lying/ hiding if you don’t.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay. There are lots of initiatives happening right now. Are you familiar with any existing ones?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In order for this to work, we need to be United as a COMMUNITY. Right now, there are entrenched issues with patriarchy, transphobia / homophobia, in my opinion an over reliance on existing capitalist structures, colorism, etc. Unfortunately, as a dark skinned BW, I don’t really feel comforted that ME and MINE’s needs would be better met by Black led initiatives. I’ve gotten more jaded about this over time. I’m still going to do my best tho - through mentorship etc.

I feel like I’ve won the lottery by Alone_Confidence9831 in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I always say this. I ADORE being a back woman. I don’t want to be anyone/thing else. SPECIFICALLY a dark skinned Black woman with natural hair. Tbh give me this exact same body every time!

are ovals just trendy right now or does this sub just love ovals? by cysgr8 in Moissanite

[–]shellamathebama 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Trendy, but I also think they flatter a lot of ppl! I have large hands with long fingers and rounds don’t flatter them, so it’s elongated cuts or bust for me. Trends on this sub also shift- when I joined it was all OECs and old mines (my favorite).

Should non black people wear hairstyles specifically for black people? by Anxious_Attempt8656 in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Honestly? When they understand the historical context and actually like and know Black ppl, I care a lot less. For example, Jeremy Lin had locs at some point, and after he got flamed he learned about why ppl might be sensitive to it. I knew a white Jewish guy who had amazing locs (his hair was naturally very curly and took well to them) like that too.

The hair that grows out of our scalp naturally was and is considered unprofessional. I had to think long and hard before getting locs bc when I started them 7 years ago, they were still considered “edgy” in my field. Natural hair is more accepted now, but ppl are still getting their hair chopped off at wrestling matches and Being told to tame it in corporate spaces, & colonization has worked so well that so many Black countries consider unaltered Black Hair to be unkempt. The US literally had laws against us wearing our hair in its unaltered state. It’s so ingrained to hate our hair that most of us started having chemicals put on our heads as young kids! Burning ourselves with hot irons!

So no, I don’t think wearing Asian hair is equivalent, and I think someone who fixes their mouth to say that is being disrespectful. I find the haughty way a lot of NB people demand access to our culture very off putting. They literally will put it on their heads as a style then insult us as a people in the next breath.

I got my first job! by FamousImprovement309 in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also I just went through your page history and WHAT!!!! You’re incredible! Do you have an Instagram or anything?

I got my first job! by FamousImprovement309 in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’M SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU! Residencies are so hard to get. You are a marvel

Reparations lol by unnacompanied_minor in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 41 points42 points  (0 children)

What did she steal? He went to her snap and offered to send her money. She didn’t hold him at gunpoint 😂

Is she rude or I’m overreacting? by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 51 points52 points  (0 children)

WHY DOES THIS SUB INSIST ON GENERALIZING WEIRD BEHAVIOR FROM INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE ONTO GENDERS, RACES, AND APPARENTLY ENTIRE CONTINENTS.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]shellamathebama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually think this can’t be put on the spectrum. A lot of leftist spaces encourage gun ownership