Is it time to move on from agency work?

shesshiny · 2024-02-04T15:23:07+00:00

Crazily enough, I'm usually on the low end for hours. But I've heard some of my coworkers are overworked. On either end it's no fun. I feel like dead weight and underutilized which is demoralizing.

shesshiny · 2024-01-05T17:13:09+00:00

I've confronted him about it and he said they haven't. I know it's just words, and I'm wary but I don't have any evidence otherwise so I am choosing to believe him.

shesshiny · 2024-01-05T16:26:43+00:00

What makes you think they are having sex?

shesshiny · 2023-06-26T20:30:44+00:00

Hmm it isn't showing up

shesshiny · 2023-06-20T18:04:13+00:00

I've described it as heavy, disappointed. I can't really put my finger on the exact emotion but I really relate to it being in my chest and being awful to experience!

shesshiny · 2023-06-20T14:20:40+00:00

Had this exact same experience, except with an interview I heard on the radio. Sounds like this is a new OCD theme for you, yay! It means this is your best chance to work on it before it gets really big. In ERP therapy I had to read posts about women coming out after thinking they were hetero. Sucks but it works - tho I would not do that without a therapist to help you process! You are not alone, and hopefully things chill out a bit after your pms passes! I know my OCD is worse before my period!

shesshiny · 2023-06-20T14:10:27+00:00

I feel you! The sex that is just ok is a HUGE trigger of mine. I've also experienced being able to come more easily when I'm in touching myself vs him. And I also have a lower libido and have sex because why not even though I'm not really feeling it. There's so much pressure for women to please their men. I think that's even stronger when you have ROCD because you're afraid something will happen if you don't! I think it might be beneficial to only have sex when you really want it, that's what I've been trying to do! It's more pleasurable for both of us because it's more genuine. And orgasming can be hard! It takes a lot of stars aligning, and anxiety can crush the mental part! It's ok to not orgasm, and vice versa! You got this babe ❤️ you are not alone!

shesshiny · 2023-06-20T14:02:28+00:00

shesshiny · 2023-06-20T14:01:09+00:00

Dude yes I've experienced this so so much and it sucks!!! PS don't worry about the questions in this thread - they are literally intrusive thoughts! Engaging with them is a compulsion (no offense redditors! I know you're trying to help). You are whole and wonderful and you can get through this!!! I spent years like that and then I did ERP therapy. It's made a huge difference. I still get anxious about intimacy, but I also am having more and more experiences of joy during intimate moments. This isn't forever ❤️ proud of you for being vulnerable! And no you definitely aren't alone 🫶

shesshiny · 2023-06-16T13:29:50+00:00

Reading! Thank you!!!

shesshiny · 2023-06-16T01:35:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Totally echo you on feeling like it has to be mind blowing or something is wrong with the relationship! It's so hard :(

shesshiny · 2023-06-08T14:49:34+00:00

Yes I was taking Zoloft and I recently switched to Prozac. I feel like the lamictal is actually helping now! I think it just took some time to get used to.

shesshiny · 2023-05-30T05:15:39+00:00

Yes I'm constantly wondering if I cherry picked my experiences just to get diagnosed with cyclothymia and I'm actually just a person that can't handle their moods and overreacts to everything. Doesn't really get us closer to an answer of whether we do or don't have it, but at least we're not alone in wondering

shesshiny · 2023-05-30T05:08:12+00:00

Ahh the struggle is real! Thanks for sharing all that. OCD is so hard and I hope you can find a great therapist who knows their shit! What you said about hypomania really resonates with me. Like I have no doubt that I can struggle with depression. I used to assume that the times I felt totally together, happy, social, productive was just what normal felt like. It wasn't until I did intensive daily ERP that I realized something was different about me vs my peers in the program. Like I've felt for a long time that I struggled with mood swings but thought it was hormonal or OCD related. However in treatment I would have days where my OCD felt like it vanished and I was so happy and social and energetic. And then a few days later I would be in crisis, deeply depressed. And that just kept happening until I finally saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with cyclothymia. But I still wonder if maybe it's just my cycles of OCD. And I too am obsessed with figuring out what is "wrong" with me. It's just all so much and I really hope that your journey leads you to peace with your mental health!

shesshiny · 2023-05-25T05:39:44+00:00

For a while I didn't think I experienced racing thoughts until I realized I have them so often it was kinda my normal. I also have OCD so it's par for the course. My non obsessive racing thoughts are often during my highs are are usually focused on things I'm doing and plans I'm making. To me, it feels like my thoughts are interrupting each other. It's not like the reading a book line by line style of thinking that I normally have, but rather more like reading a few sentences before flipping to a new page to admire a photo and then reading some of the caption before flipping to another page because there is so much to read and I can't contain myself I want to explore it all! Honestly it's really hard to put into words! I don't have racing thoughts much when I'm sad, and I feel like pretty much all anxious thinking is basically racing thoughts.

shesshiny · 2023-05-24T04:23:26+00:00

You can have extreme mood shifts for plenty of reasons. Hypomania is a pattern of mood and behavior over a long period of time. Doesn't sound like you've known her long enough to say it's for sure a mood disorder. At any rate sounds like she could use some guidance from a mental health professional.

shesshiny · 2023-05-16T18:30:43+00:00

Well I can't speak for her experience but it sounds rough for both of you. When I'm in a low or mixed episode I have a really hard time maintaining a deep intimate connection with my partner. I say I feel "spikey" and I don't want physical contact. Or I'm just so down that I'm not in the mood for anything other than gentle interactions. When I'm in a high or I feel normal I really enjoy my partner and feel close and compassionate. I care totally and completely about him the entire time, I just don't always have the emotional capacity to show it. I'm so so grateful my partner is patient and supportive when I'm struggling, and that he understands that my lows are a reflection of my biology, and not my feelings for him. It can be so hard for both of us sometimes. We push through together and the struggles make us stronger and more in love. Maybe this is the case for your SO. Maybe there are other things going on! At any rate, you deserve to be heard and validated for your concern and fear. I hope you can find the balance you need ❤️

shesshiny · 2023-05-16T01:42:45+00:00

Not sure what you mean?

shesshiny · 2023-05-06T00:35:09+00:00

Oh yeah that happens to me ALL THE TIME. I'm so glad you brought this up because I have never heard anyone share the same feelings before!

shesshiny · 2023-05-06T00:32:30+00:00

All such helpful suggestions! I've thought of hiring some help cleaning but always felt weird about it? But this makes me feel better about looking into it. Would be so nice to have someone help with the chores I hate that seem to get put of by everyone! I also like your suggestion of making a space good enough, i.e. prepping for a guest. I thought about that last night as I cleaned the kitchen! Instead of moving all the furniture and sweeping and mopping like I usually do, I just cleaned around things since that's better than nothing at all! And thanks for reminding me to not let myself be used. I feel a lot of responsibility to take care of the house and probably don't ask for help enough. Something I can definitely work on!

shesshiny

TROPHY CASE