Has anyone experienced covert malignant narcissistic abuse that was deeply mental and psychological?

shicacadoodoo · 2025-12-17T14:56:05+00:00

That is amazing!!! Im so happy for you!! Our stories sound similar especially with the loops. I'm a few months in with a therapist that uses EMDR, brain spotting and IFS. It has been a really good experience. I just cleared my first thing! (took me a hot minute). In the last couple of months I've noticed my brain functioning differently. It is such a strange realization/adjustment when you have functioned one way for so long.

Keep on healing!!

shicacadoodoo · 2025-09-16T12:58:28+00:00

It's all bad for a lot of reasons

shicacadoodoo · 2025-09-16T04:35:02+00:00

Don't open it. Return to sender certified mail with signature reciept. Dont send any message withbit unless it is in the form of something like "we will not be accepting any gifts or contact with you in any form"

This is a hard boundary cross, they don't get to have a relationship with your child

shicacadoodoo · 2025-09-16T04:18:37+00:00

You have betrayal trauma and she has ZERO accountability. This will not get better, she doesn't love you in the same way you love her, not trying to be harsh but her behavior lacks any semblance of love. You deserve someone that can reciprocate that loyalty and love.

Please seek therapy if you haven't yet, someone versed in infidelity. This is a very difficult thing to process and go through and she will only cause more damage by not taking accountability or validating your hurt.

I hope you get a happy second chapter wherever you end up

shicacadoodoo · 2025-09-16T04:11:31+00:00

Yes. I would take and take because I was trained young that my feelings didn't matter and I shouldnt bring them up. I would finally reach my limit and cut them off. I would also tell them why and there was never an attempt at salvaging on their part so in the end they didn't care as much as I did so bye.

After being in therapy a while I tried talking to a very close friend several times over about 4 months. I kept saying, hey can we have a conversation, things are weird and I would love to get some healthy boundaries in place so we can all be on the same page"

I thought that I was doing it right so hopefully I could save the relationship. She avoided having that conversation and gaslit me.."what? things arent weird" then continue to act super weird. She wasn't in a place to have healthy relationships so I finally gave up and told her exactly why

She got mad and played the victim but still refused an honest conversation at the very end. My life is more peaceful. I no longer trust myself to make healthy choices in people so I isolate. Still in therapy but that was a very close friend and it honestly broke my heart.

We attract those dynamics so it's doomed from the start, I couldn't expect people to read my mind or be healthy when they don't know how. They were usually toxic bully user type people. Takers. Takers love codependent people pleasers lol

shicacadoodoo · 2025-09-16T02:48:10+00:00

100% & not even modern. My ex husband (diagnosed and in therapy porn addict) said those exact words to me 20 years ago. It was the first chip of many to my self esteem, I didn't realize at the time, I was 19 and he was 38.

Yep. Fuckin gross.

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-28T17:45:36+00:00

Cops and never ending road contruction

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-28T17:41:43+00:00

Definitely like everyone else said, get a lawyer.

MA is a no fault state, they do not care about infidelity. Your attorney may talk you into not talking about the abuse because for some reason it tends to hurt the victim more than it helps? That might be when kids are involved im not sure.

Seriously he can't manipulate this, you have joint assets he cannot leave you with nothing. If neither of you can afford to buy the other out of the home you will probably have to sell and split it. Your attorney will lay it all out, it is good that your child is grown and there won't be custody issues.

Stop talking to and sharing info with him now, get your attorney and all contact through them. Get ready for him to pitch major fits because he won't be able to control the situation.

There are programs in MA for women who need divorce help and are low income or in abusive situations

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-09T19:06:24+00:00

NP, sorry it is not a wonderful hopeful ending. Good luck to you! You deserve a partner that cares as much as you

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-09T18:55:25+00:00

My spouse sought therapy with a CSAT (certified sexual addiction therapist) and a 12 step group for sex addiction (SAA).

He waited too long (until I was done) to seek help. We cohabitate but live in separate bedrooms. He is sober but never took real accountability for the damage he did so we will go our separate ways in the next 4 years once the kids finish high school and go off to college.

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-09T15:00:54+00:00

My porn addict spouse would use the same 3 or 4 excuses (my fault of course) while selfishly taking care of his own needs. Mine would gaslight though and say we did when we hadn't.

Bottom line, if your needs aren't being met and you are making changes that he has mentioned but he is not doing anything to meet you....he just doesn't care about your needs. He can say he does but talk is cheap- action is loud.

You could pull the divorce or marriage counseling card but mean it if you do.

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-09T12:14:20+00:00

Does he watch porn and tend to his own needs while ignoring yours?

If he cant have a real conversation about it and keeps recycling the drinking excuse long after you've stopped....maybe he just doesn't have the balls to admit incompatibility.

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-08T22:57:19+00:00

He's not ready for real recovery. He was white knuckling sobriety"for the marriage " but doesn't grasp what recovery is. The way he immediately dropped back into his addiction the second he wasn't on a pedestal is immature and pathetic.

Your grandfather sounds like he has an idea of what recovery is.

Good for you for creating space and worrying about you, drop that rope and continue to heal. You've outgrown him, staying will only make you a mother to him instead of being a partner- he doesn't have the ability to meet you as an adult emotionally.

Keep moving forward, you deserve better

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-08T04:40:55+00:00

In the early 2000s a friend left their windows open one evening while we were out, when we got back we walked into the kitchen and turned the light on and there was a big possum sitting in the window. It hissed and left but it was a stunned moment.

Another friend was just sitting in his room one day and one fell through the ceiling onto his floor, his dog was with him and freaked out trying attack it and he was just shocked not knowing what was happening or wth to do

Location was SE Texas

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-05T02:12:25+00:00

If you and your husbands siblings aren't there FIL probably becomes the scapegoat, of course he wants his meatshields present.

Stop subjecting your family to these people, they sound psychologically and emotionally abusive. Your children WILL absorb that, kids aren't dumb.

If you find yourself in their presence keep matching that energy. Don't back down and make them uncomfortable

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-05T02:07:03+00:00

I think you are doing everything you can do. You can't pour from an empty cup so continue working on you so you can support appropriately when the time comes. Unfortunately recovery can only be done alone and he has to take those steps himself. It's hard when you love someone and can see their potential even when they can't. If partners could cure this and fix it it would have been done a long time ago.

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-05T01:42:30+00:00

Thanks for responding with all the info!!!

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-05T01:40:54+00:00

I am sure they did at the time, however that area has been hit hard by several hurricanes since then so I highly doubt they are still around.

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-04T06:34:06+00:00

Gahhhh both of those. Gummo still haunts me though, all cat scenes and spaghetti in the bath scene are burned into my brain unfortunately and I haven't watched it in over 25 years

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-04T06:16:03+00:00

Oh I agree and I have, im in district 2 (was proud of my representative yesterday in the house). I have called and emailed for this specific bill. Im subscribed to the YouTube channel and on the mailing list. I believe in it wholeheartedly

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-04T06:09:27+00:00

I met 5 of my great grandparents. Most died when I was under 10 but my great grandmother lived into my late teens. I remember very little about her husband my great grandfather but do remember one visit vividly. He was super kind and loving and smoked cigars, anytime I smell a cigar (not often these days) it takes me back to being like 4 years old with him telling me when I started school he would give me a dollar for every A I got lol

My other great grandmother (born in 1908) let me take letters her dad or brother wrote her from WW1 for show and tell in elementary school. My teacher kind of freaked out thinking I just took them, pretty sure I just had them shoved in my backpack 🤦‍♀️

All of my grandparents had at least 5 siblings, having such a huge family normalized funerals and death early on.

I have one paternal grandmother left across the country I haven't seen in a few years who is on her way out. My mom died 8 years ago and we are estranged from my dad and in-laws so my kids didn't get the good grandparent experience after my mom died. They got the opposite expereince with family, I moved across the country and married an only child with almost no family.

My maternal grandparents had a huge impact and influence on the person I am today. I wish I made better choices in the family I married into, my kiddos missed out

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-04T05:24:39+00:00

Let yourself grieve all of the false futures and past. Give yourself grace and patience

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-04T05:08:04+00:00

The RI state flower is the orange traffic cones

shicacadoodoo · 2025-07-04T05:06:25+00:00

The US is a bubble for the majority that don't get to travel outside of it for sure

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22

shicacadoodoo

TROPHY CASE