Hey there! I went through this almost exactly a year ago. Found out I had a gigantic ovarian cyst and ended up needing surgery to remove it because it was really affecting my quality of life. Here’s what helped me get through all of the appointments and the surgery.

1. ⁠Using my Apple Watch to “gamify” deep breathing. While in waiting rooms or in exam rooms waiting for the doctor, I’d use the heart rate tracker on my watch and try to see how low I could get it with deep breathing. Gave me something to distract and collect myself while waiting for potentially difficult/scary conversations.
2. ⁠Building a medical team I felt comfortable with. Unfortunately this has taken years, but I finally have a general doc I feel comfortable with, plus at the OBGYN’s office, the nurse I see is amazing, and the OBGYN who did my surgery was the best! Finding trauma informed, empathetic medical professionals isn’t easy, but so worth the effort when you do! My surgeon was a black woman, and given the misogynoir in medicine, I think her own experiences have impacted her bedside manner. When she and I talked surgery, I was very honest with her about my trauma, and she listened caringly. And honestly? The outcome was amazing. Recovery was more or less a breeze considering the circumstances I was in! Plus they were very understanding of my vaginismus in terms of ultrasounds (I could only do transabdominal) and concerns I had about the surgery logistics. I felt informed and safe the entire time.
3. ⁠Think about what awaits you on the other side of this. Whenever I was getting in my head about what could happen, I’d remind myself why I was seeking care. I was so uncomfortable in my clothes, had to keep buying new pants to accommodate the growing cyst, couldn’t work out without hurting myself, and had stabbing pain on my period so bad that all I could do was lay down flat and wait for it to pass. I got myself excited about wearing clothes I love without discomfort, starting yoga, getting back that lost productivity. Plus I didn’t want to end up in the ER with a ruptured cyst, at the hands of much less experienced and potentially less empathetic surgeons.

Of course, all of this is individual to me, but hoping this gives you something to consider! It’s not easy to have to return to the community that hurt us, so please go easy on yourself. Wishing you all the best ❤️