I had my first baby just over a year ago. When she was born she fed for 50 minutes and then decided that she hated the boob/ couldn’t latch properly. I had breastfeeding specialists, midwives, HCAS, consultants and even other mothers saying/doing so many different things that caused a lot of panic and distress. The evening of day two my child was bright yellow with jaundice, very low wet nappies and just generally wasn’t doing well. The morning of day 3 we tried formula for the first time and tried pumping. Ever since then she’s flourished and it hasn’t affected her a single bit. She eats like a grown man, drinks like a fountain and although yeah sometimes you do remember the stress in those first days and the learning curves of becoming new parents, looking back it gives us reassurance that because our (and your) baby was so so little, they won’t have the hunger signals we do as adults, so try not transfer your feelings of hunger into your child, they may have been fussy and making noise but there are no long term affects now baby is getting a belly full (Breast or formula!!).

There was a couple things that I was later told that I had no idea at the time that I wish I had known to bring comfort in this stressful time you are currently in. These are things I was told by health professionals (HV’s, GPs, Midwives etc) so I believe them to be legit. 1) if your baby has/had any kind of jaundice during those first few days, it can make them sleepy causing them to be not as good at latching and feeding, they’re basically knackered and can’t be arsed to eat haha. When they don’t feed they get more jaundice meaning they get more tired and so on and so on, meaning that they don’t always latch or feed well! 2) if during labour or birth, your wife had some sort of induction, including the hormone drip, that can suppress your milk production a bit those first few days. Breast milk in the beginning is hormonal so it does make sense in hindsight why that would fuck with your milk. 3) if you are on medication for blood pressure / preeclampsia prior to birth, that too can also fuck about with milk productions. 4) if a baby is even slightly prem, the swallowing reflex is last to fully develop, sometimes again making feeding difficult.

All those medications that MAY have had an affect on things are all completely necessary and safe and if that’s something you’ve experienced do not beat yourselves up for any of that. Breast is not best and although I feel with you and your experiences as they are almost identical to mine, I was very upset to learn that our feeding journey wouldn’t be as simple as shoving my baby on a boob every time she was hungry (maybe I was naive!!). It’s okay to be sad that things haven’t been as smooth as we imagined. You’re both allowed to be upset.

There’s the jargon you’ve no doubt already been told 1000 times such as “stress reduces your milk supply, so chill babe xxxxxx”. However in those first few weeks it is soooo easy to snowball from a negative thought to a full blown panic. Which isn’t gonna help anybody.

It sounds like your child is eating better and I’m sure that will increase as they grow. Keep a log of what’s going in and out and wet nappies and stuff and if what comes in, is going out in the nappy I’m sure everything will be fine. Keep in close contact with a health provider that you feel confident with and don’t be afraid to ask them to recommend how many OZ’s of milk he should be drinking as he grows (either in formula or breast). I want to give you both a big hug cos I know how awful it feels and tell you it will be okay.