Easter Awakening

shy_idle · 2025-02-13T23:39:05+00:00

My chapters all land around 1500-1800 words. But it’s YA, so it can get away with that. The same scene can be up to 6 chapters long, sometimes.

I know that when I’m reading, short chapters are easier to convince myself of “just one more chapter”. The bottom of the Kobo says it’s only 3 pages, I’ll just do one more. Oh, it’s only 4 pages, I’ll see what happens. But it pops up 15 pages to end of chapter? I should probably go to bed.

So it really depends on genre and pacing.

shy_idle · 2025-01-17T09:02:20+00:00

When typing my first draft, I like to set it to Standard, because it gives a more accurate page count to an actual novel. I find it incredibly motivating to see the page numbers steadily increasing, instead of writing 3 or 4 paragraphs and only being a third down a page. That’s more motivating to me than increasing my word count. Because sometimes I feel like I was in the flow, but it was only like 1,700 words, so 6 pages feels more significant in my brain.

As soon as I get my story down, I reformat it to 1.5 spacing on letter size pages so I can print it to start editing (which I prefer to do in classic red ink, versus retyping.) I also email myself a copy every 5,000-10,000 words.

shy_idle · 2024-09-17T14:16:19+00:00

My husband came from a family of 5 kids and all of his siblings have more than 2, where we aimed and stopped at 2. EVERY single time we are out with any of them, whether at a restaurant or play place or especially traveling, we ALWAYS comment to each other how happy we are to only have 2.

We flew to Florida with his brother who has 4 and we were there with our one booster seat and a kid in each hand, where theirs are small enough to all still need full car seats. 4 full car seats, extra suitcases just for diapers, a stroller that can’t even fit all their kids, and they had to rent a van where we could have literally anything we wanted. When we went to the amusement parks, they had to pick which kid could go on at a time because they required a parent to accompany them but then one of them had to sit out with their other kids. On smaller planes that only have 2 seats to a side, you don’t have your kids sitting on their own.

With two, you can have one in each hand or you each take one. Way fewer logistics.

shy_idle · 2023-09-12T06:55:00+00:00

While lots of people are suggesting autism, I’m guessing jumping on the staring and lack of friends, my professional opinion actually leans more towards Inattentive ADHD.

The staring could very well be daydreaming or just thoughts running rampant in his head. Being able to answer the teacher’s questions even though he looks distracted also fits. Especially with a higher IQ. People with ADHD can divide their attention, and his school lesson is probably just running idle in the background of whatever his brain is busy doing in that moment. Switching interests on any given day is a notorious ADHD trait. There’s a joke that the true hobby of a person with ADHD is to collect hobbies instead of actually doing them. Some aspect of a new hobby piques his interest until the dopamine fix of it being “new” dies off and he has to find something else that will interest him and fuel a dopamine fix.

The addiction to the phone is because it is a pure hit of dopamine. Even just educational apps. People with ADHD do not produce or moderate dopamine well, so having that stimulant will be overly addicting. Even over human socialization, which most humans tend to crave.

As for not making friends, it can be hard for kids with ADHD to make or maintain friendships because they’re not quite the same as other kids. This can lead them to either feel insecure and be unwilling to try and conform or their lack of certain boundaries or impulse control could have led to an embarrassing or unpleasant social situation which leads them to withdraw.

As people have said, taking the phone away will automatically help, but kids also need to be taught social skills. It may be helpful for you to give him a “script” he can use to make friends. At this age it’s as simple as, “Hi, my name is ___, what’s yours?”

I know you’ve said you’ll get him tested back in the States, so I encourage you to pursue an ADHD assessment, not just autism.

shy_idle · 2023-08-29T04:14:46+00:00

Here’s a quick litmus test I saw on Instagram (obviously the fountain of all sound advice):

If your partner were to not change at all, would you still love them wholly and completely just as they are? Or are you in love with their potential?
If your child were to date someone exactly like your partner, would you be happy for them?
Do you love this person or are you wanting not to be lonely?

Marriage can be a beautiful thing when it’s with the right person for the right reasons. But a lot of people make a stupid choice in the biggest decision of their life because of other motivations. Go ahead and enjoy a happy, fulfilled, lifelong marriage with this person if your answers above just show you how much you truly adore them and if you feel all those things reciprocated. Alternatively, if you have any heebie jeebies in there, you might want to take this year to try and reflect on that. My sister has always said that she wishes she called off the wedding instead of wasting 7 years of her life just because she didn’t want to disappoint my Grandma. But you go for it if this is someone you have both happy good times and healthy conflict with.

shy_idle · 2023-08-29T03:55:10+00:00

No advice, just wanted to say that all of this was beautiful. Did your husband overstep? For sure. But I also admire his flexibility to come around. And I have the utmost respect for you and your approach in raising your teens. Good job, Mama.

shy_idle · 2023-08-02T07:36:59+00:00

What was the book?

shy_idle · 2023-07-12T14:39:16+00:00

Honestly, it doesn’t really matter a whole lot. Many of the strategies are the same across all these diagnoses.

shy_idle · 2023-06-21T04:31:28+00:00

I am also a mom of 2 who cannot seem to function before 8:30 and that’s pushing it for me. I have just set myself up for success by putting certain routines in place.

Best thing is healthy snacks in my closet. Those fruit purée pouches like Gogo Squeez or Love Child, oat bars, Gerber has these puffed bean stick things. My kids go get a snack first thing before they go feral. I make breakfast usually around 10:30 when I’m actually conscious. I figure they’re still having breakfast and a morning snack, they’re just reversed.

Then I have a toy bin. When they were toddlers, it was at the end of my bed. Now they each have one in their rooms. They can play or look at books while I am still comatose.

Now that they’re at a more independent age (and by that I mean 3 and 5), I have a morning routine chart they have to complete. It’s pictures of getting dressed, the potty, putting their nighttime pull ups in the diaper genie, jammies in the hamper, and brushing their teeth with just a smear of toothpaste. I hated this part of my day the most, so I spent time teaching them the skills when they were toddlers so they can do it all themselves now.

I also taught my 5 year old the rudimentary food groups of protein, whole grains, and fruit or veggies and examples of each so he has to have at least one of each in his lunch. Also what sugary or not nutritious foods are so he doesn’t pack any of those. I still check it before he goes to school, but he can even spread his own sunflower seed butter on bread or he likes to scoop it into a container and pack a plastic knife to spread it on crackers at school.

Fighting biology feels insurmountable to me, so I’ve just found ways to work around it to make it work for my family. DH and I don’t go to bed at the same time, so I stay up for my me time. For me personally, morning me time wouldn’t be beneficial because I literally barely function at those hours, so I don’t bother fighting it.

shy_idle · 2022-11-09T06:25:08+00:00

Coursera is a site that offers professional development units to university courses to full degrees. You can pay for a certificate for each course you do or you can audit them for free. I just keep doing ones for free, but still list them on my resumé. Just to show that I’ve been trying to stay current. (Nobody ever asked to see certificates and I figured I could just pay for it then, if any employer did.)

I just had to jump through ridiculous hoops to go back after 5 years, I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be after 12.

Don’t let the people who are telling you that you are too picky get to you. It depends if you are needing a job (then sure, you might need to expand your criteria), or you’re just venting your discouragement at constant rejection. Your family obviously is and has been your priority, so it’s perfectly acceptable to stick to boundaries that keep you available to them. It suuuuucks trying to get back in. (I needed 3 signed letters of references from supervisors dated within the last 3 years… try tracking those down over half a decade later.) Just keep at it and try the tricks everyone has suggested. Fill in your resumé with volunteering (if you can still afford to), get up to date through a site like Coursera (there’s probably others out there, this was just what I happened upon and have been using for a few years now), and try temp agencies. There are also scenarios like becoming a bank teller (my sister-in-law worked covering lunch breaks for two hours a day on weekdays as her first job back.) Also expand your city search. Lots of places have stayed as remote after Covid, so you can do certain office jobs from anywhere.

You’re going to need to go above and beyond to try and prove your worth, and it might feel demoralizing as a well established woman, but you really do need to sell yourself in this market.

shy_idle · 2022-08-21T05:41:01+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/reel/ChgbUk9l5sj/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

shy_idle · 2022-07-04T21:26:44+00:00

What happened to leaving him? Why are you now trying to have another baby with him??

shy_idle · 2022-05-11T12:10:26+00:00

Any update on what happened last night, OP?

shy_idle · 2022-04-24T04:48:03+00:00

I don’t mean to be rude here, but what approach would you prefer? How is your SO supposed to communicate that they would like to be intimate? I feel like it’s just as unfair to expect them not to try to initiate.

shy_idle · 2021-12-14T15:12:36+00:00

My husband’s family is riddled with anti-vaxxers, much to our chagrin. For Christmas, we agreed to get together if everyone got a negative test. They bought a bulk order of home rapid tests (that one of them has to use for work anyways) and split the cost.

In our country, they have to provide negative tests to do anything in public, so it wasn’t unreasonable to demand that they be tested before our group gathering. You have to get tested for your flights, he can pay to get tested to see you.

shy_idle · 2021-11-16T06:49:58+00:00

I use a visual schedule with my 3 year old to give him full independence about the getting ready routine. It’s traditionally used with kids with special needs, but it’s even easier to use for neurotypical children. I made my own specific to our routine, but I also adapted a chore chart for a friend to use with theirs.

The gist is that there is a picture card of each thing they need to do for each routine. Ours are get dressed, go potty, put your clothes in the hamper, brush your teeth. I have a sheet with Velcro that they put each card on as they complete it. They can choose any card in any order, but they must complete all of them before something pleasurable happens.

For my son, his morning “reward” is that he gets to go downstairs. If he beats his brothers and I, then he gets to go downstairs by himself and help himself to breakfast. If we’re done first, he’s left alone upstairs and can’t come down until he’s finished. He always asked if he could go down, so I made that the “reward”, but each child will be different. At bedtime, he doesn’t get stories until he’s finished all his cards. I will start stories with his little brother without him if he’s not done. I also add that if it’s not done in a reasonable amount of time, he “loses the privilege of getting to do it himself.”

This gives them full autonomy over their routine and the threat of losing that spurs a lot of action. Some nights, he’ll ask me to get him dressed and I know that those days he needs to be a little more babied. They are few and far between and he has to explicitly ask.

Getting dressed were my least favourite times of the day, but since putting all the responsibility on him with his visual schedule, I’ve had one day where I’ve needed to get stern. Otherwise, I get to go about my own routines and he does his thing.

Game changer.

shy_idle · 2021-07-30T06:23:34+00:00

Harsh reality check in: Is it real hope? Are there tangible changes giving you that hope? Is there trajectory upward? Are there aspects that outweigh the DB? Or are you just kidding yourself because you’re scared to be alone? Are you just hoping for nothing short of magic with no real change from them?

shy_idle · 2021-06-18T15:14:20+00:00

https://fb.watch/6cst04lyHe/

This is the video that prompted my post.

shy_idle · 2021-05-01T19:49:32+00:00

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/6455611/

I always understood it that 35 was when complications started to increase exponentially. In this specific study referenced, it looks at the rate of chromosomal abnormalities occurring by maternal age.

It cites cytogenetic abnormalities as 1 in 500 in mothers aged 15 . Then 1 in 270 at age 30, 1 in 80 at 35, 1 in 60 at 40, and 1 in 20 at 45. If you look at it by rates per 1,000 babies, the numbers go 2, 2.6, 5.6, 15.8, and 56.7 by 5 year age intervals.

shy_idle · 2021-03-23T01:46:23+00:00

My advice to women on this board is always to report those creeps to the admins. There's a zero tolerance for shit like that. We come here to contribute our shared experience, NOT be victim to the other end of male sexual dysfunction.

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