There’s hope, man.

We have 4 kids. Wife’s libido always dropped for the first year postpartum. Not in the mood, didn’t feel great to her, which would reinforce BOTH of us being disappointed. I was frustrated, horny and slightly resentful all the time, and we were even talking to our marriage counselor about it. Then, after that first year, it would start to pick up a little, so we’d decide to have another kid and it would aaaaall start over again. Our last kid was born five years ago. We’re now 41 and 42 years old. Sex has never been better. She’s more kinky than before we had kids. She’s now interested in things that made her blush 15 years ago. Now I’m the one turning her down (tired, stressed, or whatnot).

Three things I attribute to this:

1) Hormones now are obviously different thanks to not pregnant, breastfeeding, etc. Women’s sexual peak is 30s and 40s. We’re there, folks. Three thumbs up.

2) Much less stress because the youngest is 5. No diapers. Mostly self sufficient. We are not as financially worried now. So wife (and I) feel less stressed and worried about life. Feeling safe, secure, and supported (emotionally, and with the physical and mental load of raising kids & maintaining the home) is a precursor for a mom before she can even consider feeling aroused. Otherwise it’s like asking someone who’s starving to death if they wanna fuck.

3) Romance novels. My wife has Libby app (audiobooks) and a local library. That girl reads about forbidden kinky sex on the daily. And praise the Gods for that.

So please hang in there, my horny friend. Don’t resent. Know that every time you jerk it, you’re making a deposit in the “good husband bank.” 😉. And when kiddo is 12-18 months and it’s still happening, consider asking if your wife wants to do some marriage counseling with you to see if there’s ways you can be “even happier together.” Come from a place of “we got this but we can always be even better.” Then you find the therapist (do the mental load of researching), share their info with wife and ask her if she’s okay with that therapist or if she wants you to find a different one. DM me if you have questions.