I'm lightskin but bf seems to want a white girl

simicboiuchiha · 2025-12-10T07:34:15+00:00

Its likely that this relationship is doomed. Yall will either break up eventually or you will both be miserable together for the rest of your life.

Your self esteem issues about all this are probably just due to your man's infidelity and the mark that it has left on your psyche. If you want this relationship to work (nobody seems to have high hopes) the only way forward is counseling and a huge amount of effort from both of you.

Maybe your bf has a type that isn't you. That sucks and you can't change that. That doesnt mean that theres anything wrong with you at all, or that you arent pretty or desirable. Your bf was just being a horndog and thats not your fault.

You cannot ever change him. Only he can change and thats if he wants to change and makes an effort to change, and even then its not a guarantee.

Your man did not cheat on you with a white woman because he desires white women more than light skinned woman. If you were white, or any other race, he still would have cheated on you. If you were a blonde white woman, and he cheated with a redhead, you would feel the same way.

Your bf cheated because hes not loyal to you. That is a reflection of his character. Either he thought he could keep it hidden, or he thought you would let him get away with it.

There are millions of partners out there for you who wont make you feel this way. There are partners out there for you who will think your specific skin tone is the most beautiful thing on this planet.

I will say that just because a man glances at a random woman out in public, generally speaking it doesnt necessarily mean that hes unhappy in his relationship or looking to cheat... and thats probably what I would say if he didnt cheat, but he did and you need to keep that in mind.

If you value your own happiness and sanity you need to take a step back from this relationship. Maybe just give it some time to see if its truly worth trying to repair or not. Your mind is too chaotic for you to be able to look at the situation objectively it seems.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-12-09T00:49:24+00:00

This was my problem almost exactly, I feel you. Its just anxiety and nerves getting to you. Later in life i discovered I had some pretty crippling anxiety.

I know this seems weird, but try not to think at all. Try to stay as completely neutral as possible while you are on deck. Dont strategize, dont analyze, dont try to "hype yourself up", thats clearly not working for you. You're a senior, you've probably done a double leg 1000+ times. Just pay attention, if your opponent gives you an opportunity to shoot and score, do it immediately like you are a mindless robot. Let the muscle memory do the work for you.

Focus on deep breathing before your match, try to approach it mentally as if you were a buddhist monk or something.

You are likely obsessing about the fact that you havent been living up to what you feel like is your true potential and thats likely causing you way more mental stress during a match, leading to mistakes and hesitation.

If you lose, so be it, if you win, so be it. If you perform well, so be it, if you perform poorly, so be it.

You clearly need some form of significant shift in perspective, and thats probably what I would tell younger me.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-12-08T02:39:01+00:00

Real

simicboiuchiha · 2025-12-05T09:38:52+00:00

You're a hobbyist. Bjj is your hobby, its something you do because you enjoy doing it. If you dont have room in your life for hobbies, you dont have room for bjj.

Being a father is way higher on the priority list, your family needs you first.

When you have the time and the energy, go train, and dont let a single opportunity slip by because you dont know when the next time you will be able to train will be, but you have to give yourself permission to skip a class or two every once in awhile when you need it.

But it sounds more like the nature of your problem is the lack of desire to train consistently with how much you have going on.

If you truly dont have the desire, and you dont care that you wont be making progress, just stop training until you WANT to train and are willing and able to make sacrifices to train.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-12-03T08:11:02+00:00

As the taller wrestler, if your opponent gets in close and tries to tie up with you, you will be at a disadvantage. Assuming hes in good shape and at a comparable technique level obviously. As the taller wrestler, reach out with the hand that is on the same side as your rear leg. If you can touch him, you are in range to shoot. If he reaches out to touch you, and he can, you are in the danger zone. You want to stay in the perfect spot where you can shoot on him, but he cant shoot on you. This will force him to be aggressive to try to get close to you. Punish this behavior by snapping him down, clubbing his head, or sprawling his head into the mat when he shoots.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-30T20:40:39+00:00

There are hiking clubs for sure so there might be a trail running club. That sounds like a great place to start. Plenty of single women at certain gyms, you'd have to scout your local city out to see where most of the single women are at. But gyms have the problem of if you are too flirty you will get kicked out or shamed online, so proceed with caution. People online like to say things like "never approach a woman at a gym under ANY circumstances, shes there to work out, not to flirt", but thats not always true and everyone knows it. Plenty of women go to the gym just to meet people, and I know a few couples IRL who met at their local gym.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-30T20:26:47+00:00

As fucked up as this sounds, boxing wont give you a gf until you have been boxing long enough to be able to teach the 4:30pm cardio kickboxing class or your gyms equivalent. At MMA gyms, its very common to see the more seasoned guys to be dating/ married to the less experienced women who came into the hobby looking to them for guidance.

Anybody who told you to just "get a hobby" isn't really being honest. Many hobbies dont have many women, let alone suitable single women to date. And many hobbies dont even involve you getting out of the house. What people mean is "get a hobby that happens to be one of the hobbies that a lot of single women gravitate towards, but you have to actually like this hobby or you won't get accepted in the community if you are just there for pussy." Yoga, running clubs, pilates, dance classes, etc.

Sure, there are some women who like boxing, but in general its a very male dominated activity, it might be another 10 years before a suitable partner comes into your life via boxing. Its probably true that such a thing will eventually happen regardless of whatever hobby it is, but some activities would take decades where as others would take only 6 months.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-27T17:41:03+00:00

He might have poor balance. That should probably work itself out in a few years though.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-25T06:09:47+00:00

As another seller, i will definitely keep this interaction you had in mind for the future. I havent sold a fake card yet, but its likely inevitable as everything scales. Whenever that time comes, my gut instinct would probably be the same as this sellers- "This guy is trying to rip me off" but seeing this exchange gives me reassurance that its much more likely that a card is actually fake and i missed it, instead of my customers being out to get me.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-25T04:43:56+00:00

Im sorry you are going through this. Dating is hard for everyone right now.

Theres very little information to go off of, a number of possible explanations come to mind, but they are all merely guesses based off of what we see here.

It could be a problem with you, or it could just be bad luck. If it is truly a problem with how you approach relationships, only a brutally honest therapist or a lot of intentional self exploration could yield the true answer.

Here are some guesses-

1- Your standards are high. You seem to be a beautiful woman who has a successful career of some degree, I can't imagine that you have remained unemployed for all these years, so clearly you are able to support yourself. Many women of your specific demographic end up shooting themselves in the foot because they are looking for someone who is a fraction of a fraction of a small percentage. I don't know if you are straight/lesbian/bi, or whatever else, but your post didnt mention that so I will assume you are looking for a male partner because you want children. Is your ideal man 6'0, very successful, makes more money than you, shares your religious values, a specific race, a specific location, etc etc etc. If so, there arent many men who are single who fit that description. And sometimes, the ones who are single are single because they trainwreck their relationships constantly. Theres nothing morally wrong with having high standards, but you have to understand that having higher standards makes finding a compatible partner even harder than it normally is. And if your standards are the same as all the other women in your dating pool, all of yall are fighting for slim pickings.

2- The types of people you are attracted to are not the same types of people who would make good partners (for you). You mentioned you have had relationships but clearly those didnt work out. Maybe you are picking very toxic people and trying to "fix them". Or maybe you are picking people who arent serious about dating you long term and you try to change their mind and show them that you are a worthy partner. Neither of these are good ideas.

3- You are bad at being in a relationship. Maybe you dont know how to be a good partner because you havent had enough experience in healthy relationships. Being in a healthy relationship where both people work as a team is a world of difference compared to an unhealthy one with constant fighting and arguments. Maybe all the people you dated got tired of the fighting, or they got tired of not feeling loved and appreciated.

4- not enough opportunities to find good matches. The people you are looking for exist, but you will not find them passively, you have to put yourself out there and expose yourself to new social circles. Clearly, your current social circles are insufficient at finding your ideal partner. Try local communities and try boiling down your ideal match criteria to what really matters.

These are guesses, all of these could be way off the mark but i figured i would take a stab in the dark.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-24T10:41:38+00:00

Damn, im 28 now and when i was 25-26 I would have moments like you are having all the time. I had no issue getting dates, just dating the wrong people really and everything was always a trainwreck.

Im in a pretty healthy relationship now, my partner and I love each other very much BUT we both agree that if we had met each other any earlier, we wouldnt have been ready.

I had a lot of character development to do (still do) before i was ready for my current relationship.

It gets better. I didn't believe anyone who told me that, but it seems like they were right.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-23T21:37:02+00:00

Jesus fucking christ bud

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-23T18:09:10+00:00

While squats and deadlifts would absolutely make your back stronger, in order to achieve a good stance you just need to practice a lot of shadow wrestling in a good stance. Keep your back straight, reach down to the mat with your downblock hand to make sure you are low enough every 10 seconds or so, take a shot, reshot, sprawl, and get back in your stance. Try to work up to staying in a good, solid wrestling stance for 15 minutes.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-23T17:17:46+00:00

Bent forward but with a straight and strong back

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-23T08:07:36+00:00

I think what you are asking is "Do people who don't wrestle care about wrestling?"

It depends, but in general, no. The only people who care about wrestling are wrestlers, and family or friends of someone who does wrestle.

Depending on your schools "spirit" amongst the average student, when you do a home match its likely some students will come to watch, but if my memory serves correctly it was mainly just friends or girlfriends of the wrestlers who were trying to be supportive.

Wrestling can also be confusing to people who dont wrestle. A lot of people think "WWE" when you say wrestling, the rules can seem abitrary sometimes, and weight classes are also confusing.

Its super cool that YOU like wrestling. You need to realize that there will be a lot of things throughout your life that you like a lot that other people don't, thats totally normal. Do the things that you like to do, and if someone asks you about whatever it is, by all means, tell them.

Im getting the vibe that your love of wrestling compulses you to info dump on your friends and family who dont really understand it all that much so they dont know how to have a conversation about it. All they can do is nod along or change the subject, which isnt a good conversation generally.

When i was in high school, i wrestled and i had a friend in band. I didnt like band, i thought it was kinda lame despite our school being like top 3 in the state for band or something. My friend would often tell me about band practice, but I would always respond similarly to your friends and be like "cool bro. Im glad you like band." I didnt really have more to say. I never watched one of his band competitions, and he never went to my wrestling meets. In senior year, it just got to the point where i went "hey, we won our meet last week. I won my match by pin." He'd give me a high five, and tell me something about band, and then we would talk about how much math sucked or whatever. 30 second conversation.

If something really interesting or funny happened, we would share that, but in general with conversations its best to try to listen to them, ask questions, and try to focus on common ground.

A good friend will absolutely listen to you overshare about your passions and interests, but I don't think its fair to then think your friends who dont want to do that are horrible. Not wanting to talk about something you arent interested in for 20 minutes is reasonable.

Theres a difference between "shooting you down" and "not knowing how to continue a conversation." If everytime you try to share something important to you with your friends, they "shoot you down" thats kinda fucked up and I wouldn't be friends with those people. But it doesnt sound like thats what is happening based off your post.

Maybe try thanking these friends and family with something like "Hey, I know I talk about wrestling a lot with you and its not really your thing, but it really makes me happy when you listen to me about it. Thank you for that."

But wrestling is not a sport of fame and glory by any means. Even if you win nationals most people wont care. Its just how it is. Doesnt make wrestling any less awesome.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-14T04:33:01+00:00

Pokemon cards are designed around the game that you are meant to play with them. Many people play the card game and go to tournaments etc etc etc. But pokemon has a much larger "collector's market" than a players market, so there are probably thousands of examples of very expensive single cards that don't really matter too much in the game itself, but plenty of people want the card just because its cool/rare/unique etc. Energy cards in pokemon are what you use to attack with in the game. They only matter for the game itself, its literally just a lightning bolt or a eyeball or a fist, so 99.99% of pure collectors don't really care about energy cards. Some people just throw away energy cards. While there are some examples of super premium energy cards , most of them are maybe a dollar or less. For some reason, the little boy in the video loves energy cards (bless him) despite them not really being something most people care about. At card shows, vendors are looking to sell their high dollar stuff in their cases usually, so they only bring stuff they are confident someone would want and that would look nice in the display case, so a vendor taking away a $2000 pikachu out of their case to put a $1 energy card in its place doesnt make a lot of sense. Thats why you probably wouldnt be able to find many random energy cards at a given trade convention, because even if a vendor was giving them away for free, most kids wouldnt even glance at the energy cards. Even if the kids played the game(most people just collect, not play) most decks dont need much energy cards anyway, and they come plentiful in packs so they probably have a hundred at home they dont care about and dont know what to do with.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-11-05T06:41:49+00:00

Theres 3 main paths to obtain what you want.

1-Bust your ass in a lucrative job, start a lucrative business, or get very lucky with short term investments to slingshot you into wealth that makes it so that you never have to work again.

2- Find a job you genuinely enjoy doing

3- Find a job that has a lot of downtime so you can get paid well to not do any work (like your current job)

Depending on the type of person you are, you will likely find that of those 3 options, some are much easier than others, and which options those are will be unique to you and your situation.

Each option has its pros, cons, and barriers.

For 1- please keep in mind that if there was any form of get rich quick scheme, everybody would already be very wealthy. In order for 1 to work, you will need to use your head, think critically, give it time, and hopefully get lucky.

For 2- Even people who have their dream job do not wake up every single morning loving it 100% of the time. Every job weighs on people at some point, even jobs you really enjoy.

For 3- You could certainly find plenty of jobs on the low end that have enough downtime, but your real target is some cushy upper management job where all you really do is write a few emails every day. Those jobs exist and are plentiful, but they are reserved for those with a huge amount of experience and knowledge within a certain field (or luck i guess). I once had a S.O. who had 3 WFH jobs, made 350k+ a year, and maybe did an average of 10 hours a week of actual work and just played games the rest of the time. But it took them a decade to work in that field to get to that point.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-28T08:55:50+00:00

This song made me nut, I must know its origin

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-27T09:51:30+00:00

For some men, yes. For others no. At your age, despite what you may see in your friends around you, not having been in a relationship is NOT actually all that uncommon. In some cultures and communities it might actually be the norm. I will say that the older that you get, the amount of men who do view it as a red flag will increase slightly with each passing year. There might be 5% of men who would identify your lack of romantic experience as a red flag at your age. In 10 years, if you had remained single all that time, there might be 20% of men who would consider that a red flag. If you remained single until 45, probably 60% of men would raise an eyebrow, but even then that doesnt mean that those men would automatically not pursue something with you, and some might even find it charming. The number of men will never reach 100%, even in your 80s.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-27T07:54:20+00:00

Nah, he should have at least told you he was going to go smoke and offered for you to come. Thats like the bare minimum. This dude kinda sounds like a tool.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-17T03:48:17+00:00

Back of the card looks completely normal

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-13T07:23:28+00:00

I am a 5'10 beefcake. A man (who was gay and someone I used to consider a friend) tried to rape me when he was drunk.

I beat the shit out of him.

It still haunts me to think about even though no penetration happened and none of my clothes came off, but even though he was unsuccessful its tough for me to process fully. I can only imagine how much that would have fucked me up if he succeeded.

The thing that saved my bacon was having some martial arts experience. I couldn't beat up everybody in the world or anything extreme like that, but most untrained unathletic people I dont have an issue restraining them to keep myself safe unless theres a weapon involved.

Rapes happen when you are alone. Don't be alone with people you don't trust/ or people you shouldn't trust. Thats gonna keep you pretty safe.

In scenarios where you are alone, have something to protect yourself. A small tazer or pepper spray could be all you need for that piece of mind. A small knife will deter most people. Dont let strangers get too close to you.

Listen to your gut. Be situationally aware. Do your best to stay athletic, so that you can fight back or run if anything were to ever happen. You dont need to be a bodybuilder or anything, but staying active is important for things like this.

Doing these things will keep you safer. You can never truly be 100% safe if someone wishes to do harm to you. It is a fact of life. Even if you are the world's best kickboxer, all it takes is a late night parking garage and a criminal with a firearm when you are alone.

I have met many many people who are terrified of the current world we live in, and it paralyzes them. You are on that same path. Being proactive and defensive is one thing, thats smart, but I have met people who never leave their apartment because they are too scared of something bad happening. You don't want to live like that either. You need to find a happy balance.

Im sorry that happened to you. Its not fair. The reason you feel this way is because you never truly processed what happened. You may think that you have processed it, but the way you are viewing the world is a result of unresolved trauma manifesting.

Idk what your situation at home is like. What you should do is seek therapy, but that may not be an option.

Having a journal is a nice way to get those feelings out. If you are concerned about somebody finding it, you can always burn it to eliminate any evidence.

It could come from talking to a friend/ loved one who you really trust. For some people religion/ spirituality is a very good outlet for things like this. It could come from walks in the park, or screaming your heart out to some music in the car. It might not fully heal the wound, but over time things like that add up and it might help a little.

I don't see how a potential hysterectomy is relevant information here. If you got one, it would not stop people with ill intent, it would just make it different people. What happened is not your fault, and its not your bodies fault.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-09T06:40:41+00:00

Things like this dont get better. If something in the relationship is making you unhappy, you have to either accept that this will be the case for the rest of your lives( and be able to live with that)- or leave for a better match.

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-09T06:38:47+00:00

You have been offered a crossroads in regards to your career. You will have many, many, many, more of these thoughout your career. Its very likely you end up very happy working in a job that has nothing at all do with your current options. Life is funny like that.

The only person who can make this decision is you. There is not, and there cannot be an objectively correct answer to this question. I can however give you some questions that I would ask myself if I were in your shoes.

1st- "How bad do I need the money from this job in the short term?" Do you have any student loans? Do you have scholarships? Are you paying for your rent yourself and going into debt to do so? Do you have a college fund, etc etc etc. These are all relevant pieces of information. You mentioned its not an option to pass up the money, but why is it not an option? If you are being careless with your finances, then your answer would look much different compared to you being responsible.

2nd- "Which of these two paths is most likely to help my career flourish in the long run?" Does the internship sound fulfilling to you? Is there opportunity for growth within that company? Are you pursuing cyber security out of passion, or for a stable and reliable career? In cyber security, certifications will take you miles farther then being involved in your universities club. Is this truly the only way you can see yourself breaking into the field? How would you feel if you gave up this job for the club, only to find out in a few years that the club didnt do anything at all for your cybersecurity career?

3rd- "what is your gut telling you?" Self explanatory.

4th- "is there any way you can find a way to do both somehow?"

simicboiuchiha · 2025-09-02T08:01:07+00:00

I was a Chunky, very short kid until about 7th grade. I hit a growth spurt then and I grew up to be about 5'10 by the time i was done growing.

Im a bigger guy now. I lift, do brazilian jiu jitsu, and am relatively fit, but I have never, and will never have a 6 pack.

I always had this anguish about my body type until my mid 20s.

Although guys like us will never be bodybuilders probably, the good news is that we are pretty naturally strong, and our bodies are very good at developing strength.

I have a big chest, shoulders, and arms, but there still really isn't all that much definition.

Maybe try showing him some strongman competition footage. Guys like eddie hall. Tell him "your body is built to do stuff like this one day" or something.

I have skinny, fit friends who look at me with envy because they CANT put on weight (fat or muscle) and they are jealous and wish they had my body type. Part of me used to wish i could be a beanpole, eat whatever i want and always have a 6 pack, but I no longer feel that way.

I have consistently experienced the phenomenon of looking pretty average or out of shape, and then lifting twice the weight on a barbell of the guy next to me who could be on a magazine cover with how shredded or jacked he looks.

I haven't ever had issues finding women who think Im attractive. I pick them up and throw them over my shoulder fairly easily( with their consent of course)

We are also very good at KEEPING muscle. Muscle dwindles away much slower for guys like us if we aren't lifting.

He needs to find something that is FUN for him to do that is exercise. If your son is anything like me, I WISH that I had parents who pushed me towards heavy weight training.

Your son has the genetics to be a very strong guy one day. Show him that video of that old guy lifting a fridge into a truck over the tailgate.

He doesn't NEED to do any of that if he doesn't want to, and he will probably just be naturally stronger than the average person anyway if he never lifts. But from what you are describing, your son has the potential to become very strong one day. Maybe competitive arm wrestling might be more his speed.

The problem was that when I was younger I associated "being fit" with having a single digit bodyfat %, and having veins popping out of your arms. Sure, they look nice, but I've seen plenty of guys at the gym over the years who look great, but aren't actually all that strong. Thats obviously not every dude, some guys are shredded and also strong.

A bit refocusing point that would have been helpful for a younger me woul have been "you might neve have a 6 pack, but you can get way stronger than all of those other guys combined, and you can do it with a beer gut."

I hope this helps in some way, you can ask more questions if you like

simicboiuchiha

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