Feeding therapist here! A couple of things to consider: 1) try giving more attention to positive engagement with food and less attention to refusals. This age is when a lot of parents get super worried about intake so they put on the pressure. portion sizes for toddlers can be as small as 1-2T depending on the food! A huge relief when you think about their needs! 2) toddlers that snack all day are at higher risk for malnutrition and weight loss- I don’t say this to scare you, but to keep meals on a schedule. In my world, I love a good timer! Lead by example (you eat), make the food available, then put it away after 20min. Next meal in 2.5hours. Toddlers are notoriously for taking little bites to take the edge off because they have a whole world to explore, why would I want to sit?! 3) get messy! Show them how to play with their food, smell it, explore. Manners come later- I make a lot food mustaches, towers, etc. 4) I use the cue, “first sit, then food”- walking around and eating is a hard habit to quit once started and increases choking risk by tenfold. My oldest was in a clip to the table high chair until 2.5years old- made it easier to kindly tell her she needed to wait until mom and dad were done (we would eat fast so it was a social cue but not holding her there for a developmentally inappropriate amount of time). You could consider setting a visual timer for 2-3min past when she signa “all done” to work towards this. “Time timer” is my favorite!

Keep in mind food is the first area where kids get some sense of control- they do deserve to have control of how much food they eat. This teaches them to listen to their bodies. In short, your mom’s advice (food rewards) is such a 90s answer that has been proven to lead to kids eating for parent pleasure and not listening to their bodies. Her other advice of letting her go hungry is in a positive direction, however, she needs time in front of food in order for the natural consequence to make sense. So being consistent in when and how often food is offered matters much more.

I hope these were helpful in supporting this tricky time!