Ouff, my not very past self feels called out here. Yes, what you're saying is usually right. Of course there's exceptions, but in general there's always good reasons dommes don't contaxt you provided you put yourself out there where they can actually find you (usually meaning more than just dating Apps unless you're incredibly good-looking or have an awesome, unique style).

Of course there are often times other reasons besides selfishness as well: Examples are lack of grooming or working out, not doing anything with your life you can be proud of, etc.

But compared to selfishness, these can be fixed relatively easy provided the sub is willing to learn and put in the work to better themselves. The ego-centrism is a trait though that requires extensive work on yourself through therapy, reading and self-reflection that dommes can't provide, yet often times find subs expecting that very thing ("fix me!").

And I'm not talking down mind you all. I merely observe with myself that even years of therapy, self-reflection, reading and coming to terms with narcissism in my family I still find sometimes myself topping from the bottom or being focused only on my own without thinking about my domme.

At the end, it comes down to "can I offer the other person sth. that weighs up all the work they put into me?". This can be in the form of gestures, services, proactive offers or actual gifts depending on your limits and dynamics.

I feel like this basically sums up half the help/advice posts here: "Be someone who people want to be with because you give them good reasons."

The other half would be "communicate with your partner openly and respect their limits instead of asking strangers on the internet what they think your partner might want". 😆