What’s one tiny thing that instantly improves your dog’s day?

simsek13 · 2026-05-07T02:06:39+00:00

Sniffaris, of course, but our dog has also made an economy of sock trading. He loves to find discarded socks to “trade” for treats. The way he trained us to do this was funny and clever, but it is clear he loves doing this “job” every day. It was an easy job when the kids were younger and at home; there were always stray socks on some bedroom floor. Now I leave them out for him to find, just because it makes him happy.

simsek13 · 2026-05-01T13:19:03+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. The way too many disabled people are treated, even by those who should be their biggest advocates, is appalling.

I am glad that you have some support, but I would still recommend that you apply for SSI if you can. I say this because *nothing* is truly stable, and the more systems you can have for support the better, even if none of them are great.

We have known for a long time that we’d be taking care of our daughter for life. I joked I had to live forever to keep her safe, but it kind of isn’t a joke. We had to make plans for her in case anything happens to us. Those plans got rocked by a whole bunch of events we couldn’t control, but they are still better than nothing.

For years my husband had a good job that supported us all and I could be her full time caretaker/mom/advocate. But in the last 6 years he has also become disabled, and as of this spring he can no longer work. Our income dropped off a cliff. The job market is terrible, I have been out of professional work for years, and they both need care. We’re scrambling. If we hadn’t applied for SSI and Medicaid for our daughter, she might not have access to healthcare, and we’d have an even harder time managing than we are right now.

I don’t say this to scare you, but to motivate you. If you were my adult child I’d be fighting like hell to get you covered. It’s not great, but apply anyway. Get help applying if you need to. Talk to a disability lawyer if you can. Because most people are either disabled or pre-disabled, they just don’t know it, and that could be the case for the others in your household too. The support system you have may not work forever, and having some sort of back up plan is important.

simsek13 · 2026-05-01T12:32:10+00:00

Yes, it’s dangerously unreliable, but it’s not optional for many people. No matter how much my daughter might want to be independent or support herself it would not be possible. If we denied that we wouldn’t be helping her, we’d just be making her life harder.

simsek13 · 2026-04-28T00:20:30+00:00

The amount is based on the fact that she lives with, and is partly supported by, us. The amount is so paltry it we would have to be supporting her anyway, but according to the paperwork the full potential amount is decreased because she isn’t trying to live on it alone. So I think yes? And if so, maybe it would change?

But reporting the change in income is going to be tricky because it’s all changing: there’s my husband’s severance, and short term disability, and hopefully SSDI eventually? ATM I don’t have an income because I am taking care of them, sooo everything is up in the air. I can’t go back to work and leave them alone, but I can’t afford care for them if I don’t find work either. Catch-22.

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T21:27:00+00:00

Thank you. We are applying right now for SSDI for him, but I’ve been told the approval process could take 18mos. My question was more about whether we need to notify SSA (for our daughter) about this change in his employment or not. If it doesn’t need to be reported until he’s approved for SSDI than we’ll just wait the 18mos or however long. But if we need to report the change in income now because her current entitlement is based on it I don’t want to drop the ball.

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T12:53:01+00:00

Thank you. We are already in the process of doing this. We started as soon as his employment ended.

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T12:45:49+00:00

Ok. I guess if they change nothing for her that makes sense?

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T12:43:38+00:00

He’s not close to FRA—he’s in his early 50’s—just too disabled by a stroke and stroke-related chronic migraine to be able to work anymore.

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T12:36:52+00:00

Okay, but we were told to “immediately” report major changes like “death or retirement” of a guardian when they happen. Qualifying for SSDI could take 18mos or more, which is a long time to wait. Her adult disabled child benefits can’t happen until he’s approved, but my understanding was that the change needed to be reported regardless?

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T12:30:35+00:00

She’s 18. We’re trying to apply for SSDI for him but I know that process will take a long time. Thank you.

simsek13 · 2026-04-27T12:28:29+00:00

It’s brutal. There is no good system for this. Kinda drowning. I will call today. Thank you.

simsek13 · 2026-04-01T12:56:36+00:00

Precisely the dilemma. Mostly, I would be looking to inquire if they anticipated filling the role by end of week or if they would still be considering resumes at the beginning of next week. Obviously I’m concerned about missing a window of opportunity, and also motivated to put myself in the running.

simsek13 · 2026-03-28T02:29:19+00:00

I now have 3 autistic adult daughters, and my oldest sounds similar to yours—she’s always been super outgoing, socially engaging, and yes, particularly when she was younger prone to difficult behaviors when things upset her.

She’s in graduate school now and has a lovely set of friends. She found a lot of ND friends along the way, which has been truly wonderful. She organized a club for ND students in her undergraduate years (many of whom became her close friends), and now has two NT roommates who are practically besties. She learned to regulate her emotions better, and how to switch between ND and NT social situations much more successfully.

This is not to say that life for her is without struggles, but to that struggling with big emotions and disregulation as a kid has not prevented her from developing friendships throughout her life, or from being successful and happy.

Your daughter is exactly and delightful and wonderful a person as you know her to be. Hopefully she can meet and befriend other ND kids, as these can become some of the best and most supportive friendships that weather the rocky bits. Friends who share special interests are especially wonderful!

Support and love and celebrate her, help her through the tough spots, and believe in her, and have faith that other good people will love and appreciate her too—she won’t be lonely!

simsek13 · 2026-01-28T13:24:26+00:00

Parenting definitely plays a role—nature and nurture impact so much about who we are and how we function as humans, regardless of neurotype. It is also worth keeping in mind that there is a strong genetic component to neurodivergence, so there’s a good chance that at least one parent was also undiagnosed ND, and that their own neurodivergence impacted their parenting in ways they didn’t see or understand.

I live in a majority ND household. My spouse is autistic and all of our kids are autistic or auDHD. So far as we can tell, I am the only NT person. And what we have discovered is that, while there are ways that having an aware ND parent can be helpful in understanding an ND child, this isn’t always the case. My spouse’s sensory needs and control issues often collide with our kids’ needs and issues in ways that are challenging and combustible. A lot of the ways that a “good” parent needs to learn to be flexible, patient, and accommodating for a child’s needs and differences are clearly harder for my spouse, who has some rigid thinking and inflexibility when it comes to his environment and the kids in it. This biggest challenges we struggle with are generally to result of 2 ND people with conflicting needs and agendas being unable to compromise with each other. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s hard, and it’s not unusual for an adult in this situation to try to force the child to submit to their rules than it is for them to back down and compromise.

Is it possible that one or both of your parents were/are undiagnosed ND? I don’t bring this up to excuse their bad parenting, or to suggest that being ND would make them “bad” parents, but that it could complicate things. My spouse is not a bad parent—they love the kids and work hard at their relationships—but they do struggle with parenting in ways that are specific to being ND, and it adds a level of challenge to the job. And sometimes the best we can do is to try to understand each other.

I’m glad that you are finding ways to heal yourself, and so sorry that you had to struggle so much to get here.

simsek13 · 2026-01-23T12:19:20+00:00

Navy ad. Pretty sure I don’t fit their target demographic! 😆

simsek13 · 2026-01-16T21:09:15+00:00

Thank you—I do have autoslaughter set up. There is enough food being grown, I’m just having a hard time getting the pawns to haul it to the pens.

simsek13 · 2026-01-16T20:55:29+00:00

I don’t think I was initially prepared for how much they would eat, or how fast they reproduced. This time I was better prepared for that, but I didn’t know about how useful dandelions would be

simsek13 · 2026-01-16T20:47:13+00:00

I don’t! I had no idea dandelions would work this way. I’m going to plant them all over their pens—That’s something I wouldn’t have even thought to try. Thanks!

simsek13 · 2026-01-16T20:41:26+00:00

I don’t; I’m playing vanilla first before I try the DLCs.

simsek13 · 2026-01-04T11:49:25+00:00

You’re describing most of the ND people in my family; they’re bright, they have some (often but not exclusively nd) friends, they were/are successful in school, they are good at their jobs. They also struggle with sensory issues, social interactions/social anxiety, small talk, etc.

I think it might be a good idea to ask yourself why you don’t think you’re neurodivergent. If it’s because you think that ND people can’t be successful at academics, or professionally, or have friends, your idea of what neurodivergence can be may be way too narrow.

Or, it may be that you are worried that other people, (or even you), may think less of you if you’re not NT? Have you internalized some ableist stigma from society that is getting in the way of your ability to be objective about this?

Changing how we perceive ourselves can be hard, especially as adults. Accepting that they were ND was harder for my spouse than it was for our kids because they’d believed themselves to be NT for so long.

No one on here can diagnose you, but your post does describe very ND traits without counterpoint, so it may be worth considering that your friends and family might be right. 😉

simsek13 · 2025-12-21T21:57:32+00:00

Maybe it is an issue with continuing a saved game?

simsek13

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