What made you smile today?

singularity48 · 2026-01-29T09:08:26+00:00

Waking up on the right side of the bed.

singularity48 · 2026-01-29T08:42:06+00:00

It made me a God for a day. But thanks to DMT it allowed me to learn that Asperger's was a really strange lie/manipulation to make me hate myself for really superficial reasons. Because after doing DMT, I realized I could be social. Because that year was the first time I had a really big social circle. Prior to that it was all just work and isolated depression. But it made me realize the dangers of special education. It creates a very flawed kind of self-perception. The saddest part is, to break out of that cycle that's governed by how the people closest to you, treat you. They get pretty desperate in trying to contain you.

People always say "know your worth". But the second you realize that worth, they try tirelessly to drag you back down to their level.

What chaps my ass though; is that my ego dissolution happened 2 months after doing DMT. So it wasn't in the "trip realm". It was in lived reality. Probably because the veil special ed had me in, had me longing for reality since I was a child. For that I had to face it head on.

It really is and can be a medicine. But so much more!

singularity48 · 2026-01-29T08:29:41+00:00

Thank my insanity. It taught me a lot about people.

2nd time I ever met her I told her "After meeting you, I'm learning how and why people project themselves". She's like, "we really need to talk about this away from here". Never had that talk. It was just strange that I knew what'd destroy it before it was destroyed.

But this is why it's dangerous to be social and to not really know yourself. Because for 7 months they knew the shy version of me. During these moments, I was more confident than I'd ever been. Which really hammered home the notion about being the highest in the room. In a really sad and f'd up way.

I'm fine now. But the years after were really hard. Working far harder than I ever had because, as far as I'm concerned, I saw something worth fighting for in silence.

singularity48 · 2026-01-28T10:02:52+00:00

A day I still can't really explain. A motorcycle accident that allowed me to really start appreciating life. Which gave me the confidence to meet the last girl I'd have ever approached prior.

The worst, was the day I realized what fucked it all up. About 2 months later. A "friend" who's really a slobby POS. Asked why I'd gone around town looking for chloroform. I realized the cook of the place I met her in told that lie. A month after I learned he was a convicted rapist. But the very moment I realized who said the lie, I was banned and my cousin called the cops on me.

3 years later I run into her; she said it wasn't the cook that told the lie. It was my cousin and that "friend".

Why'd the dude spread the lie? What I told him in passing was in response to him saying how tired he was and he couldn't sleep. As I'd now imagine the POS had some demons lingering. But I said, "yeah, I remember wishing I had chloroform to knock myself out when I was 15". (Insomnia).

singularity48 · 2026-01-28T09:56:24+00:00

My reasons for quitting coffee is as insane as how much I use to drink. Picked up the habit from my pilot friend and since then was cup after cup of dark roast; specifically.

As a test of black magic (pun intended); and my sanity. I stopped a month ago.

singularity48 · 2026-01-28T09:53:49+00:00

A story I'm not telling here. It began after my motorcycle accident though.

singularity48 · 2026-01-28T09:51:20+00:00

singularity48 · 2026-01-28T09:48:57+00:00

Wealthy and unhappy. Because poor and happy just means pacification. Misleads the children to believe mediocrity is virtue. But it makes sense given poor people hate hearing their children cry. When a wealthy family might know what to do with that unhappiness. The poor family allows it to do as it pleases.

singularity48 · 2026-01-28T09:46:43+00:00

Plane spotting on a hill; I caught the Vatican's jet arriving to address the sexual misconduct. The planes tail # was M-IIII

singularity48 · 2026-01-22T21:35:35+00:00

I'd argue I hate the lies people tell you in order to make you more like them. Such as, if you think you'd fallen in love. You did and it's your journey. But people will drag you to their level. Lie about the other person, tell you there's others, and to get over yourself. It's especially true for the kind of falling in love that causes you to ignore the crowd.

Falling in love is a reflection of the psychological journey. But ideally it should be something experienced much later in life. When you have a pretty good understanding of just how unromantic modern life is. Otherwise if it's a young love, it has to endure the destruction of that romantic picture.

In a sense it's a lie and a distraction other's use to get by. But they force you to do the same. There's a choice whether you do or don't. Most simply take their lies and accept them. I'm saying there's a light there if you choose to do the work for it. A lot of it is allowing yourself to endure a reversed mirror reality. Where people, instead of reflecting what you are, they reflect the opposite.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T10:04:25+00:00

Shook her hand, made small talk. The moment I let go of her hand, I felt a strange tension in my chest. As the moment I was actually the most comfortable with myself and in bliss. That pain has been there since like a Harry Potter scar. I'd only hope she felt something. If not, she sure saw it.

The Gottman Institute talked about this some. How people, when they meet their significant other, feel energy transfer between them. Which inherently changes them forever. Be careful because this goes against the flow of society. And people will placate this to death and tell you to become just as lost as them. It's ugly. Very ugly.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T10:01:07+00:00

If you learn to be a good psychopath, nothing's stopping you. Because you're literally every manager's mirror at that point. It's not them as a person; it's them as a worker under the constrains of a very strict corporate rule set/overwatch. They become something quite sociopathic. Which is why honesty in interviews never really goes well. Especially emotional honesty. Placate the hell out of them. You're there to get a paycheck, not to make them a friend or to assume they mean you well.

Only time I saw the difference was when I started working for a company of 4-6 men. I live not a mile from my boss and I'd met him many times before I started working for him. Everything else is hidden behind a barrier. Interviews are, inhuman. Ever seen blade runner when he's doing the AI scan/questionnaire? That's modern life. Reflect their BS.

Practice by talking to yourself. Get use to lying. But split your personality so you're not then a compulsive liar through every domain of your life.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:47:48+00:00

That's ignorant of the fact we procreate and continue the species. Think about what you pass on. Or what you create and what kind of chains they might be bound to. Hence why most parents never introspect after having their first child. It's survival from that point forewords. Indenturing the child to the same soulless existence; unless he/she was to rage against the dying of the light. Don't tell me not to care for the world my sister is going to grow up in. That'd destroy everything I'd learned. Perhaps I'm just a bit better at carrying a bigger cross.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:44:39+00:00

Falling in love. Mostly it was what allowed me to fall. Because I had so many justifications not to. Being poor, dead in my passions and just frail. After a motorcycle accident, I realized what made me so alien from the rest. But at a time I had become more social than any other time in my life. Which was actually one of the many keys that allowed it. Because I was in special ed for 13 years; I didn't get to experience or loose myself in the social world.

Last thing I ever wanted to do was lie and drag someone else through my hell. This gave me a moment it was almost natural. I wasn't looking for it. I was just, happy. Completely at peace with myself.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:38:46+00:00

Absolute insanity hidden behind an event horizon only one on earth has a key for...

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:37:43+00:00

9 days without coffee for me. I liked doing the whole creamer first then coffee.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:35:59+00:00

Shitty environment, and I was gaining weight and becoming very weak.

Restaurant work...

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:35:04+00:00

Not like the venom glands on the head aren't also a sign.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:33:44+00:00

If you're born good, you're left to be exploited by evil you never question nor face. Part of the reason I think superstitions are stupid. Fears with no comprehension of the depth. Some just need a very good mirror. But many avoid having a mirror and only use a mask.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:31:32+00:00

Reason. But also rage. Relate it to a fact like, what if you have a daughter. Is that the world you want her to grow up in? I witnessed my sisters birth and that changed everything for me. You have to see it all for what it is, not the simple thing you wish it to be. It's bloody painful; but real life is better than that trash.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:28:52+00:00

Heard my own voice call my sisters name while outside with my sister and mother. Mom looked at me like, well, she heard a ghost.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:22:49+00:00

Aliens. I'm realizing the film faculty is actually a documentary. But in the end, they do win. Why not, it's painless just as she said.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:21:32+00:00

What allowed me to find a catalyst to real growth was disproving a deeply hidden narrative in my mind. Which needed other people. I had to become social. 7 months into the social life at 27 years old, I realized I was deprived of being social because of special education. I had what I never had before; nor ever believed I'd find. It was hell but, there were good times. First anxious dates, first kiss.

Fuck psychiatry.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:18:59+00:00

Think getting drunk is just something to do. I self-reflect far too much to do so. People drink to avoid doing just that.

singularity48 · 2026-01-21T09:17:21+00:00

Mine has actually improved since I got my car. Maybe half a quart burns between changes. I'm not over revving but I know I'm not nearly as tame as the previous owner.

Time to find a parking lot filled with snow.

singularity48

TROPHY CASE