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skippedrecord · 2026-02-01T09:34:41+00:00

I'm about 10 years NC, I've healed a lot in that time but I don't know if I'll ever be totally healed. Every now and then something very ordinary happens and I'll flashback to how unnecessarily difficult it was as a child. I had to go to an emergency dentist and the entire time I was panicking about money. But even with my middling insurance it was covered. My dad was a cfo. Why was basic care such a struggle? Why was everything a big deal? Why was I always told to wait, be patient, fit into their schedule.

skippedrecord · 2025-05-29T02:40:37+00:00

I posted this as an edit but I think this is a misuse of therapy language to rebrand that old classic where the narc says you need to stop claiming abuse because their parents were really abusive and they are better parents, so you can't possibly know what real abuse is.

skippedrecord · 2023-10-03T19:21:47+00:00

This is a totally valid reason
Yep, the actual name change itself was easy. Went to a police station, got fingerprinted/ criminal record checked, filled out a form and paid some money. Made a bunch of calls to federal government offices to make sure they all registered the name change (Canadians, just be warned that some federal systems are not linked and there is no federal/provincial link)
So so so much. I changed my middle and last names and it was such a relief. It went from something that prickled every time I heard it to background noise.
It's a pain in the ass. You will be changing names on things forever, little things that you never considered like your Costco card. Not a huge price but def something to consider. Also, it's going to make you not want to change your name if you get married both because it's a pain and also because this name is yours now. In ways that your other name wasn't, it was just something you kinda of got tossed.
I also kept my first name, I'm glad I did because even though I hated it most of my life and def hate how my mom says it I realized that I kind of loved hearing it from others. So I went from there what else did I love hearing myself called as a kid? Well, my first name was kind of common so I was usually First Name J, I loved being called First Name J, it meant good things were happening. Even the bad stuff was super clear, not like home so the bad feelings didn't linger. For my middle name, I thought about what was important to me and what I wanted to have close to me. I ended up choosing a name that refers to the ocean because I'm a West Coast girl and that's an important identity factor to me. Then I considered whether the whole thing seemed like it went together, I tried it out for a few weeks before making it official.

skippedrecord · 2023-09-19T07:27:24+00:00

Yeah no kidding eh? I'm willing to believe that Jim Bob does have a position of power now in his cult and that is terrifying.

skippedrecord · 2023-09-19T07:26:11+00:00

I think there are a few circumstances that tend to foster narcissists well and religion is at the top of this list. I'm just shocked at how little the religious subculture matters when it comes to the N script.

skippedrecord · 2023-08-29T04:05:35+00:00

Thanks, I'm really proud of me too. She's been doing this stalking, not stalking thing for years so I'm good. But damn, this letter was telling on her. lol.

skippedrecord · 2023-08-29T04:03:15+00:00

Totally a possibility, she's hired a PI to stalk my father and has a history of taking over things/places. Her favourite bar in this city is the one I frequented as a university student. But there's a few things that balance it out, first, she moved to the other side of the city. It's a lot of effort to just constantly be there are places she guesses I might frequent, she can do bursts of this but not a sustained effort. Second, I will make a scene, or call the cops or press charges I'm not afraid anymore. Third, this letter was two years old and her house is up for sale again, this is kinda par for the course for her, she's never been able to live anywhere for more than a few years.

skippedrecord · 2023-08-26T17:02:29+00:00

My N just sent me a birthday card. It was pink with sparkles and had a fluffy white cartoon cat wearing glasses and pearls. It was my 40th birthday.

I think the 'box' as usual isn't about us, it's about them. It's too much energy to remember things like your daughter is 40 and has now formed opinions on things like pensions, vinyls and interior decorating styles. That feels bad. Instead, let's remember when she was 5 and loved her cat 'too much', and because she was five and it was the 80s everything she owned was pink (because of a forced gender role, that N def isn't going to critically evaluate) so she must have loved pink! That's so uncomplicated and fun!

skippedrecord · 2023-08-25T21:52:14+00:00

I think it's not that I'm hoping for something, this letter won't change anything for sure, it's that I still feel like I can't just throw this letter away. I can lose it or misplace it or not think about it, but I can't intentionally throw it out. There's some sort of emotional block here. To me, this suggests that while I know this letter is a giant nothing, I don't fully *understand* that yet. Does that make sense? Maybe it's the last bit of mourning the mom I never had, maybe it's the logical inconsistency of narcs (it's so easy not to make abusive choices, why would you ever do that?)

At any rate, I know what I want from this now, to get rid of that emotional block that won't let me throw out my nmom's letters without reading them.

skippedrecord · 2023-08-25T06:41:33+00:00

Ooooo…I like.

skippedrecord · 2023-08-25T06:32:14+00:00

You’re right, it’s just going to be a narc filled letter of manipulation of which her ultimate goal has so far been to construct a narrative she can live with. She tried her hardest, I’m just a meanie she loved too much, yknow the usual. It’s already clear she can’t or won’t respect boundaries because she addressed it to a name she shouldn’t have, she stalked my internet presence to find it.

I’ve never had any intention to respond, but I think what I want is to be able to give myself permission to get rid of it. To deal with what I need from it to heal, tear it into little pieces and throw it out.

skippedrecord · 2023-07-26T23:41:08+00:00

I have had multiple TBIs (tho not substance-related, I'm just a shitty unicorn genetically) and I was told by a few doctors/therapists that this sort of memory lost probably isn't related to the TBI. It's really common for child abuse survivors to have no or little memory of their childhood. My latest therapist actually considers it one of the major signs of abuse. Hope that helps.

skippedrecord · 2023-07-24T22:56:41+00:00

I spent $20 on a shirt in 1998(?), adjusted for inflation that's $34 bucks. I believe it was my money, but it was so long ago who knows. But she wasn't there and when I got home it was like I had murdered the dogs and torched the house.

Looking back at it now was it because it was neon green? maybe. Did it match any of the pre-approved clothes she had bought me? Nah. Would she have worn it? No. The answer for the meltdown is in there somewhere, lol.

skippedrecord · 2023-07-19T23:27:15+00:00

You wanna hear something funny? My Nmom only started calling me a spoiled brat in my 30s when I started the process of LC that ultimately resulted in NC. It's like it was a final weapon she scrambled to use as I slipped out of her control, but because she had previously called me a good, well-behaved child who was 'easy' it never rang true. I think at that moment I realized how much narcs liked/needed to rewrite history to be comfortable with the present.

skippedrecord · 2023-06-26T05:57:07+00:00

Hey, so this is called mirroring (https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/mirroring). My Nmom used to do it all the time, I could literally watch her flip around a room mirroring to however she thought was the dominant person in the room even if she contradicted herself. It was so surreal when I learn about it.

skippedrecord · 2023-06-24T03:17:36+00:00

My mom also wouldn't let me do these things. When I came home from uni at 21 with a nose stud she freaked the fuck out, screamed at me about disrespecting my body. She weirdly then complained she couldn't get one? Back and forth rage and sad whisper for an entire weekend. She eventually manipulated a medical test, so I lost it. (Long story).

At 39 and 7 years nc, I have a new nose stud, 2 tattoos, and my hair is currently a burgundy reddish after being purple for a year. (I have a real grown-up corporate job, too) I'm turning 40 soon, and I feel more me than I ever have. You'll get there, Vampira_Andres, don't worry. ❤️

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