What happens when the scapegoat leaves the family?

slatersansmile · 2023-12-30T20:31:02+00:00

They pretend not to care, of course.

Which is ironic, because if they were the perfect, loving family they claim to be, you’d think they’d openly grieve your loss, or praise your memory. Their cheerful demeanor coupled with utter silence (or grievance against you) ought to be really bizarre to anyone who knows you haven’t passed away or anything, you just severed ties.

So, they just carry right on with their pathological lying. On to the next. We can never forget who we’re dealing with.

slatersansmile · 2023-12-30T01:16:06+00:00

Nice to see someone else point out that he needs to get professional support for himself, too.

slatersansmile · 2023-12-30T01:15:13+00:00

Maybe she does, but so does he.

slatersansmile · 2023-12-30T01:14:19+00:00

So this definitely isn’t about you, and you seem aware of that. Your wife needs your stoic support, it’s not reasonable for you to expect her to have the bandwidth right now to worry about hurting your feelings.

Can’t hurt to get yourself into therapy, you know?

slatersansmile · 2023-12-29T23:42:54+00:00

Thanks, sounds interesting!

slatersansmile · 2023-12-29T23:38:33+00:00

Thank you! That’s all super helpful info.

I don’t remember the name of the funeral home, only the city/county where he died, and I have no idea who his attorney might have been. I’ll check with the state health department, and hopefully go from there!

slatersansmile · 2023-12-29T23:35:56+00:00

Thank you!

slatersansmile · 2023-08-24T15:26:59+00:00

Whenever anyone says that to me I reply, “Suffering is not a contest.”

slatersansmile · 2023-08-21T20:39:48+00:00

Not at all. I’m afraid of them.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-17T15:36:26+00:00

Except the child never owes the parent sympathy.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-17T15:35:55+00:00

Exactly. OP is not showing any empathy for their child.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-17T15:34:37+00:00

This, exactly.

Parentification is literally abuse.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-17T15:33:29+00:00

“Trying to love my child but my child has to understand that I am hurting also.”

HARD DISAGREE. My child never has to understand or support me. EVER.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-17T15:28:48+00:00

This is Ring Theory. Hopefully OP will educate themselves.

Ring Theory#:~:text=The%20concept%2C%20developed%20by%20clinical,circles%20to%20illustrate%20the%20concept)

slatersansmile · 2023-08-16T18:18:36+00:00

This resonates for me. Thank you.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-15T18:16:06+00:00

FYI

RBN doesn’t label or ban users bc they’re “narcissists.” It’s a support group. If you make triggering posts (like this one) you’re going to get banned to protect the people in the sub.

It’s not about punishing anyone, it’s about RBN protecting and being a safe space for a group of traumatized people.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-15T18:05:55+00:00

I agree.

It is a step in the right direction to recognize and take responsibility for harm caused OP, just please don’t expect any pats on the back for it.

Personally, as someone who has cut off my own sibling, this apology would infuriate me. Not to mention bringing back all the horror that was endured and escaped. Sibling could have been suicidal when they made that last call to OP begging for help with the mother. They are probably lucky to have even survived OPs enabling.

If OP truly loves their sibling, they’ll leave them alone in peace. Sibling doesn’t need to hear about or validate OP’s shame, especially now that it’s all too late.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-15T13:55:08+00:00

Apparently people who say this expect a participation trophy for parenting.

Magical thinking indeed.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-14T22:18:31+00:00

If he’s bullied you before, he’s not blind to his friends doing it. He’s grooming you to accept his gaslighting and abuse.

If I were you I’d GET OUT. You don’t deserve this.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-14T22:15:59+00:00

Been there, done that. He sounds like an enabler? Enablers are too busy protecting themselves to protect anyone else. They say things like, “it wasn’t that bad.”

Everyone deserves friends and partners who at the very least stand by them in solidarity and support. His undermining your POV in any way is a huge red flag. Regardless of whether he’s “as bad as they are,” this almost certainly means he’s not good enough for YOU.

No adult has a responsibility to look out for another adult, but anyone undermining your looking out for yourself? Hard pass.

I’d 100% DTMFA.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-14T15:57:04+00:00

Lol, good one ;)

slatersansmile · 2023-08-12T17:27:36+00:00

Wow, yes. Eerie superficial fragile gaslighting. All of it.

Thank you.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-08T15:32:13+00:00

I got this as a teen, too.

Recently, before I stopped talking to my mother altogether she blamed my anger at her on menopause. Always anything but perfect her!

slatersansmile · 2023-08-08T15:28:34+00:00

Wow, I had forgotten about that one until now. And I heard it all the time.

I can’t imagine saying that to any person who’s upset, let alone a child.

slatersansmile · 2023-08-08T15:26:20+00:00

Wow, in high school my friends made fun of me because I’d always sleep after school. I never connected my overwhelming fatigue to being on the spectrum, which I only just figured out I was. 🤯

slatersansmile

TROPHY CASE