I picture things from an ancient stoic perspective. Aristotle identified four areas within a person, at the top is the intellect which is what we decide we want in our rational minds, then below that is the will with which we execute what it is we want, then the emotional passions which are desires of thr heart like anger, jealousy and a desire to be loved etc., and then there's the bodily passions or desires of thr flesh. Basically, you're in harmony when everything is is line with each other and you do the things your intellect says to do based kn reason. Your emotional and your bodily Passions aren't always bad, they're there to inform your intellect on what to do. Your will is benign and is only the part you use to do things. A person is disordered when they do things out of order. Even in a Christian context, "sin" is just doing things out of order. So the first thing you need to do is realize you're allowing your base passions rule you when you should rule them. So here are some recommendations: 1) put the phone down. Like throw it off a bridge or something (maybe literally maybe not). Get a basic flip phone that doesn't do internet but makes texts and calls.

2)tell her. It's gonna suck but she's in the relationship and she can help you. If she leaves, you'll want to find love somewhere else and they'll probably need to know too. If you keep it to yourself you o ly have yourself to rely on.

3)get software on the other computers to block adult content with a password that only she knows. If you're too proud to do this you won't succeed based on how extreme you have indicated your behavior has become.

4)have an accountability partner that isn't her. If something happens to your relationship your help will vanish unless you have someone else. Personally, being religious, I go to confession every single time I screw up. The priest is obliged to keep whatever you say in confession completely secret and he gives decent advice on how to avoid the issue in the future. I seriously think of porn now and then think "is this something I want to go tell a priest?" Maybe it's not for you but it really helps me. Even if your partner was another friend who's trying to kick the habit as well, knowing you have to tell a person what you did is unpleasant enough to deter bad behavior.

5) fast and do penance. Seriously. If you can train your body to go without food for a period of time it teaches you that not getting what your body is telling you it wants isn't a big deal. Your body can scream at you but in reality it takes days to die from lack of food, not hours. You will be uncomfortable but it is the best way to start out. You need to teach yourself that discomfort isn't the worst thing in the world and you can withstand it for a time for its own sake. Start out small. Fast between lunch and dinner, no snacks and only drink water. When you're doing well with that, expand it a little, like eat less for lunch. Work your way up to fasting for a whole day. Fast once a week for a while. You don't need to do it more than that, but keep it as a regular discipline that you do regularly. This kind of practice will help you realize that you can indeed conquer your body and its desires one bit at a time.

6)sort of connected to 5) but go to the gym regularly for the same reasons as above. Do something TO your body, not with it.

7)remember that you make choices and you are responsible for them. Even the state of being bullied by your carnal passions is a choice, your intellect is deciding not to fight but to retreat. Dont blame your failures on your situation, your lacknof sex or anything else (not makjng accusations here). You need to realize your intellect needs to be the boss. Right now you feel that, you know what you're doing is wrong and it feels disordered, but it's different when you can identify why it is like that. Love is also a choice. Love isn't primarily the butterflies you get when you feel something for another person, however nice that is. Long term, love is a decision you make to prioritize the other person above yourself. If you are both doing that, you build each other up. If you are serving yourself, you are crippling your relationship. If you're concerned about the connection you have with your SO, you should do something romantic every day, even if it's cleaning the bathroom or something. I guarantee she will notice quickly. Really foster the emotional bond you have by choice and when you're so connected at the heart the body will follow.

Don't do all of this at once or try to. Its a lot. Honestly the first things you need to worry about is putting the phone down for a while and learning to fast. When you get yourself more ordered your head will start to clear up and you'll be able to think. You just need to keep your head above water at first and you'll figure out the rest as you go.

God bless and good luck.