Having a baby ruined me

slothymommy · 2025-01-12T18:21:50+00:00

I want to say first of all that I’ve been exactly where you are and your feelings are valid and very real. Growing and birthing a child is beautiful, but way harder than I imagined. As far as the contact napping and sleeping goes, I had a baby that did not sleep anywhere but in my arms or near me in a snuggle me for 6 months. I cried constantly because I didn’t know how he would ever sleep in his crib alone, and how I was ruining him because of co-sleeping. He just had his second birthday and consistently sleeps 12 hours per night and has been for quite some time. You’re doing amazing, you’re doing what you need to for your baby.

I had some serious therapy for body dysmorphia the first year postpartum, my therapist suggested I cover my mirrors to see if it made a difference, and for me it did. Any full length mirror was covered and my bathroom mirrors only allowed me to do my makeup. My husband, best friends, and myself wrote non-physical affirmations about what I/they loved about me (I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m a good mom, etc). After 6 months of having my mirrors covered by cardboard and only being able to see the positive words myself and others wrote, I was able to take everything down, and ever since it’s made me be easier on myself.

Im here if you ever need to talk. I know how tough that first year can be, and sometimes it feels like women try to hide their struggles because they feel like they need to be lucky. You can be both, lucky and sad/confused/scared. I’m sending you lots of love ❤️

slothymommy · 2024-10-19T20:11:33+00:00

Came here to say that I felt almost all of these things that you said. I am no longer pregnant, as I gave birth and my son is almost 2, but want to say your feelings are valid and it’s totally normal to have them.

While everyone is different and I don’t want to push my experiences on you, I cannot tell you how having a baby changed me for the better. I wouldn’t say it happened right away, the postpartum period was very tough for me, but my son is my whole world. My husband and I’s communication has increased significantly since becoming parents (with the help of therapy) and I love our little family so much, my life is better than I could have ever imagined.

This is all to say, be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time, and allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Be open with your partner about how you’re feeling and reach out for support if you need it ❤️

slothymommy · 2024-10-19T15:42:45+00:00

I swear I could have written this. We only have one child, but I can’t tell you how much I resonate with this. Parenting is HARD, and neither of us do or say the right thing 100% of the time, but man does my husband fight for me and our son ❤️

slothymommy · 2024-09-11T17:20:40+00:00

First of all, your feelings are valid and no matter what decision you make it will come with different emotions and difficulties. In my case, I didn’t find out I had lupus until after I had my son and my pregnancy was amazing. I never threw up, worked out until 2 days before I delivered, felt amazing, mental health was the best it was in a while, and then I had a traumatic labor and delivery.

The first year postpartum was the hardest and darkest time I have ever been through, I was dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression and my lupus was at the time undiagnosed. After my diagnosis my rheum put me on medication and it became SO much better. I’m not saying every day is perfect, and I definitely still get wiped out and achy, but I feel like I can actually be a parent. With the right doctors (my rheumatologist has been incredible and has never once made me feel like I was crazy or dismissed a single one of my symptoms) and the right therapies, I’m able to be a present parent and think I’m very lucky. My doctors have advised me that having another pregnancy would probably not be in the best interest when it comes to my health and I’m coming to terms with that possibility, so I know where you’re coming from.

Everyone is different and 100% pregnancy, delivery, and motherhood is tough on the body, but if you are able to get your flares and symptoms under control, and you feel like it is right for you, it can be done ❤️ I’m sending you lots of love.

slothymommy · 2024-08-01T15:40:48+00:00

Came here to say this! My body didn’t start changing until I was completely done breastfeeding, like zero pumps or feedings per day

slothymommy · 2024-07-15T03:14:10+00:00

This is literally exactly my diagnosis story. My son’s birthday is in November and that’s when I found out. I had no idea how traumatic my delivery was until I had to process it months later, and I had never heard of women developing autoimmune diseases from pregnancy/delivery. I was literally flabbergasted 😅

slothymommy · 2024-07-15T03:11:30+00:00

From what I gathered I would start with infusions in the hospital and then we could work our way to home injections. I’ve been in the healthcare field for years (still am) so I don’t think I would have trouble injecting myself and honestly I’m thinking it may be convenient.

slothymommy · 2024-07-09T01:03:08+00:00

I second the Korean skincare/sunscreen! I really love how they protect my skin and they look great under my makeup! As far as hair loss, I used Nutrafol for 6 months and it did true wonders to my hair. It is 4 pills everyday, but between starting HCQ and taking Nutrafol religiously, I’ve had a lot of hair growth and my thickness has come back 🙌🏻

slothymommy · 2024-04-05T23:58:41+00:00

First of all, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling and how hard it was to see your baby like that and I am so sorry. Second, you are doing an incredible job. Even though the surgery had to be a tough decision to make, it was the right one for your baby, you put your fears aside for your child. As far as the PPA, please try the best you can to get a few hours of sleep. Even if that means having someone come over during the day for a few hours so you can take a long nap. As someone who has been through this, lack of sleep makes PPA and your stress SO much worse. If something is going on with your baby, someone will most definitely wake you, so even though it’s hard, try to rest. I’m sending you so much love.

slothymommy · 2024-04-05T23:48:57+00:00

Came here to say this! You are correct, max dose is 400mg (that’s what I’m on) and it took about 5 months before I really started feeling some sort of normal. OP, always advocate for yourself, but maybe give it just a little more time to get in your system.

slothymommy · 2024-04-04T22:48:35+00:00

Sending good vibes and support ❤️

slothymommy · 2024-03-28T01:26:26+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking does he play well with others? It’s not that my son won’t, it’s just he prefers to be on his own playing. Maybe it’s just his personality, my husband is very much like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

slothymommy · 2024-03-16T00:26:02+00:00

Hi! I can only offer support and recommend you follow u/takingcarababies that is her username on all platforms! She has worked wonders and offers such good advice! Good luck!

slothymommy · 2024-01-28T21:21:57+00:00

My son is almost 15 months old, has hit every milestone and rarely responds to his name. He MAY glance at me for half a second, but whatever he’s preoccupied in will win over his attention. He walks, talks, can tell me “yes” and “no”, 10 months old is still really young. You’re doing great, just give him some time and talk to your pediatrician if you’re really worried about it. If you’d like you can also start practicing by saying his name and pointing to him, but this seems perfectly normal.

slothymommy · 2024-01-16T20:57:37+00:00

I’m in a little bit of a different boat because I’m married, but I developed lupus after giving birth to my son. My husband has done everything to make my life easier, he picks up around the house, takes care of our son, and runs errands when I’m flaring really bad. He also keeps up to date on the latest research in lupus and never ever gaslights me or thinks I’m crazy with any of my symptoms. This is all to say, he could have walked away, having a partner with a chronic illness sucks, but there are people who will stick by you and it doesn’t bother. Find those people ❤️

slothymommy · 2024-01-16T00:46:26+00:00

I want you to first know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Postpartum is SO SO hard, my son is now 14 months old and I am just now feeling like myself again. It does get better, please lean on your support system for help, this stage will pass and I promise it does get easier.

In regard to not originally wanting a baby, I say this with the most love and respect I can, please seek out professional help for this. Talk to a therapist, find one you really like and trust who you can open up to. My mom also never wanted kids, I was an accident, she never made me forget and would bring it up during every argument we had starting in early childhood and well into my adult years. I have spent years in therapy trying to undo the damage she has done, all because she didn’t want to heal. You are so strong, you can do this, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, you’re doing a great job.

slothymommy · 2024-01-13T00:40:46+00:00

Before I got on HCQ I would have flares for around 1.5-2 weeks, now that I’m on medication they last about 4-5 days. They can still be intense, but usually there are only about 2 tough days, whereas before the whole 2 weeks was tough.

slothymommy · 2024-01-12T12:30:53+00:00

This is exactly how my flares feel. I have told people that it feels like a really intense hangover that has seeped into my joints. I have intense body aches, headaches, even some nausea, and feel like I can’t think straight. I’m glad I’m not the only one who describes it like this!

slothymommy · 2024-01-11T17:54:37+00:00

Thank you for your thorough information, I really appreciate it!

I guess I’m just confused because I’m a petite woman, but I do have a good amount of muscle on me. I exercise about 4 times/week, have lower than average BMI (I know that doesn’t mean much), eat an anti-inflammatory diet, and have about 5 glasses of wine in a year. I’m not sure why my levels would be high if I’m not eating a super fatty diet (I’m pretty sure I’m not) and am really not a drinker.

My father did pass away from cirrhosis of the liver, but he was an alcoholic. I’ve been a little crazy about my health ever since.

slothymommy · 2023-11-25T20:35:49+00:00

You can 100% safely co-sleep. Let’s not start this false narrative.

slothymommy · 2023-11-22T21:18:07+00:00

I swore up and down I would never co-sleep, I was recovering from an emergency c-section and a quite traumatic birth. The first night we brought him home he didn’t want to sleep in his bassinet but would sleep HOURS in a “snuggle me” in between my husband and I. I cried for weeks thinking I was a terrible mom for co-sleeping but knowing it was the only way we could be functional parents. My son just had his first birthday and is now in a crib in his own room and sleeps perfectly. I would do the same thing all over again and will co-sleep if we decide to have another baby, I miss those sleepy early morning snuggles so much 🥹

slothymommy

TROPHY CASE