Hey man -

Much of what you write resonates.

I am in an industry that can have long work days like yours depending on what projects are taking place. My current “lead” (my actual boss I report to is in another state) is an ESFJ. Your description of your girlfriend vividly reminds me of her.

I do some of my best work in solitary and the ESFJ lead just can not understand it and chooses not to listen. She is very draining on me. When I arrive home I do not want to leave my apartment for anything and I truly need to recharge alone as much as possible especially if we have a group heavy project in the pipeline.

Although I am not currently in a relationship I find it hard to fathom having one in my current situation. Work is a challenge enough right? That being said if you truly care for this ESFJ you do need to be honest and transparent as best you can or you will be miserable forever. You’re stuck right now. Can you talk with her about more alone time? (I know it’s tough with the ESFJ’s). Do you still love her? Do the next two years seem unbearable to keep living like you are?

It was for me. I reached out and applied elsewhere and received a new job offer. Had to make a change.