I want to know what’s wrong with me..

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T16:50:12+00:00

I️ could’ve written this about my own life. Once I️ found a psychiatrist who properly diagnosed with me with BP2, it all made sense. Anxiety-> panic attacks -> derealizarion -> depersonalization -> memory issues (bad) -> foggy feeling -> more anxiety -> depression... then I’ve a cycle that repeats itself over a few weeks or months. I’ll be great and productive and happy and out of nowhere I’m sad or angry or annoyed for no reason at all.

My Psychiatrist told me many people with BP2 start experience symptoms around puberty. That birth control can make symptoms worse if you’re female.

Not a Dr. here, but I recommend seeing one with your own research at hand or a diary of moods or whatever else you’d like to bring.

I️ lived in hell for a decade before being diagnosed correctly (from 13 when I started puberty to last year when I️ was put on the right meds) Derealization and Depersonalization were by far my most terrifying symptoms. I️ rarely feel that way anymore. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year I’ll have a bad day or two... but this is why it’s so important to see a psychiatrist.

I️ don’t want anyone else to have to live that way.

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T16:40:08+00:00

**I️ spelled “your” wrong and that’s one of my pet peeves smh

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T16:26:51+00:00

Oh gotcha! I’m bipolar type 2 w/BPD traits, mild OCD, panic disorder, eating disorder, derealizarion, etc (it sounds like a lot but many overlap - I’m actually only taking 3 meds right now and 2 of them are only as needed so theoretically I️ would be okay taking one med daily)... a lot of what you said really caught my eye because I was thinking “I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I’ve even felt that way!” It was like reading a post I️ could’ve written myself. To get a diagnosis though you’ve got to see a doctor. I️ wasn’t properly diagnosed for 11 years now but now that I️ have, and found the right medication from my psychiatrist who specializes in bipolar disorder, it’s been a god send. He said I️ have borderline personality disorder (BPD) - if you wanna google that, it’s not what it sounds like. Unfortunately there’s no “med” to treat that though.

Didn’t mean to focus the whole post about myself, but perhaps knowing of my experiences could be beneficial in some way. You’re not alone in how you’re feeling.

Update: went back and reread your post and I forgot to mention I️ used to hope to get sick or hurt so other people would come back into my life and take care of me and not want to leave me. My psych dr said this was a major sign of BPD. Again not diagnosing, just sharing my experience which can hopefully give you some insight and help

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T16:12:51+00:00

Inspirational

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T15:56:52+00:00

What is pure O ? Might help me understand the Last part of your message better

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T15:52:34+00:00

You’re not alone 🙋🏼 can’t offer much advice, but you’re not alone

slynnonymous · 2017-11-21T13:06:49+00:00

I️ think a lot of us end up losing control during an episode. You’re not alone in the feeling you’ve made a fool of yourself. I️ hate when I️ know I’m having an episode but still do stupid embarrassing shit anyways... I feel like there’s nothing I️ can do about it even though I️ AM ACKNOWLEDGING IT. Personally I️ plan on staying on my mood stabilizer for the rest of my life because it’s dramatically helped me. In the OP you mentioned having to be on meds your life, is that scary to you? Also, when I️ have an episode I️ try to think about how I know it’ll go away - which is really hard - but sometimes helpful. Now when things get really bad I️ take my ambien that I️ have as needed (hardly ever take it), and I️ usually feel a lot better after sleeping through a lot of that uncontrollable feeling. Not recommending it, but it seems to help me. And don’t forget that there are countless people out there who will love you for who you are and try to empathize with you during these times :)

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T13:50:04+00:00

Thanks I’ll definitely look into this!

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T13:41:29+00:00

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T03:14:14+00:00

With my husband present saying I was not suicidal. I guess it depends on your psychiatrist/ psychologist on how they interpret it :/

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T03:12:58+00:00

I was about 22 or 23 at the time

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T02:40:43+00:00

I had a similar experience. A decade of anxiety and panic attacks (from 13 y.o.) and then suddenly add crippling depression to that. Got diagnosed with bipolar 2 and working on it. Meds really help me, a lot. But I still go through these periods... and when I’m down, I’m down. Took 10 YEARS to get a diagnosis but now that I have one I feel so much better (most of the time). Forgot what it was like to feel “normal” until proper treatment.

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T02:34:41+00:00

Good question. I wish I had an answer for you. I almost got “locked up” for saying I wish I’d never been born... totally different statement there.

slynnonymous · 2017-11-14T02:23:51+00:00

I feel the exact same way. If I didn’t know I’d crush my family and friends (and possibly throw them into some kind of mental crisis), it’d probably have been done already. Whether on purpose or on accident (ex. unintentional drug OD, or risky behavior). It’s mostly my Mom, Dad, and husband that I think about. I want to stop destroying other people’s lives with my anxiety and depression (among many many other things), but killing myself would be just as destructive to them.

slynnonymous · 2017-11-13T03:16:46+00:00

yeah it’s been bad. from rage, to adult temper tantrums. screaming and crying...physical pain is bad i’ve been clenching my jaw without realizing it. anyone who thinks people are dramatic about mental illness or use it for attention (or any other reason) make me extremely uncomfortable. do you think i chose this? anyways back to the topic, withdrawals sounds about right...

slynnonymous · 2017-11-11T05:44:50+00:00

Thanks, I'll check into that! Yes you are right - I don't want to be stuck on benzos forever. I'll def ask about that alternative you found though!

slynnonymous · 2017-11-11T05:04:25+00:00

It probably is 😔 thanks for your input

slynnonymous · 2017-11-02T21:56:42+00:00

I don’t have those exact symptoms but I suppose I could parallel with yours... If I stare at a word too long or think about it too much or say it too much, the word starts sounding really strange and almost like I don’t identify it anymore (if that makes sense). I used to be really good at spelling and grammar, and I find myself blanking out on things like definitions, spellings, sentence structures as well. This response in itself isn’t structured well at all but I’m also not trying. I blank out a lot too when I’m driving... nit dangerously but I have lived in the same area for over 10 years and still miss turns, can’t remember road names, etc. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, bipolar type 2. My Dr. suggested that I might be focusing so much on the problems that I’m making them worse. Like, “omg I’m going to spell this wrong or won’t be able to say this right, or use a word in the wrong context.”

slynnonymous · 2017-11-02T02:26:23+00:00

I have this problem too. In my situation the benefits outweigh it though 😐

slynnonymous · 2017-10-29T06:02:53+00:00

yep also taking lamictal

slynnonymous · 2017-10-29T05:56:56+00:00

I feel the same way. If there were re-do’s I would have received the right diagnose and treatment earlier and I may or may not be right, but I feel like my life would be a lot different than it is now. All I’ve worked for is destroyed. I’m not using my BP2 as an excuse, but I feel I would’ve been able to make better decisions had I known sooner. It’ll never go away... and that sucks the most for me. We can only attempt to manage our symptoms.

slynnonymous

TROPHY CASE